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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

264 replies

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 12:59

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

OP posts:
Woodhill · 12/02/2016 13:53

I think that is absolutely disgusting and I would question why the toilets are locked. I don't agree with this policy. It's just so wrong

leccybill · 12/02/2016 13:57

As a teacher, we get daily emails from management saying 'please do not let children out of class for the toilet during lessons under any circumstances' (especially if there are visitors being shown around).

I would have said no the first time. The second time I'd have said ''I'm not really allowed to let you - do you think you could hold on until the end of the lesson?' If child had said no, I'd have let them go.
I hate the silly rules management impose. My own DD has bladder problems so I am more sympathetic than most.

Teachers have thousands of tiny decisions to make every minute of the teaching day. We don't always get them all right. In this case, the teacher didn't read your DS's genuine need well enough for whatever reason. I would expect an apology from the teacher.

lunar1 · 12/02/2016 13:58

This woman shouldn't be allowed near children again. She ought to be made to stand in the staff room until she wets herself. I'd be in the heads office ASAP.

tbtc20 · 12/02/2016 13:58

This has made me feel really sad for your son.
YANBU and I think the teacher is really in the wrong and should apologise to your son. Poor kid.

LindyHemming · 12/02/2016 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 12/02/2016 14:00

Oh, your poor DS. I hope you can comfort him and reassure him about school. I think a pp is correct that if anyone had noticed at the time a comment would have been made immediately so he needn't fear repercussions from classmates.

Also agree that even worse than ignoring your child's needs to go to the toilet, ignoring the fact that their actions had left him wet and distressed is even worse and this teacher's actions as well as the unfair policy needs addressing with the school.

Good luck - it's not easy to stay calm when your child has been wronged, but you need to start official lines of communication and complaint now.

Collaborate · 12/02/2016 14:00

If it's due to an instruction from the Head not to allow this, then the teacher isn't at fault, but someone is responsible for that policy, and they ought to be held accountable, apologise, and rectify the policy.

duckyneedsaclean · 12/02/2016 14:00

You need to complain to the head. How awful, your poor son.

TheBoysMamma · 12/02/2016 14:02

Your poor son that's awful. I would definitely be speaking to the head

MadamDeathstare · 12/02/2016 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsEricBana · 12/02/2016 14:07

Definitely see the head. Your poor poor son. All the other kids would have thought was poor him and been very relieved it wasn't them. The school needs to have a procedure for this circumstance. Hope you sort it out.

FuckYouJamieOliver · 12/02/2016 14:08

I would be furious
I would explain to my son that nobody would be able to hold it in that long
Have you contacted the school yet ?

Quoteunquote · 12/02/2016 14:09

www.eric.org.uk/Campaigns

I would ask for a meeting with the principal/head and the teacher, involve the governors and make sure this never happens to any other child in their care. Do not leave that meeting until you have a detailed plan that they will put into action, and arranged a follow up meeting to check progress, anything else and they will carry on regardless.

I don't understand why some people cannot be logical when in a responsible position, If you cannot make basic judgement calls, then you really should not be in a job which involves children, there are plenty of jobs where you can be unaccomplished and do no harm, teaching is not one of them.

I wonder how that teacher would feel being kept in a room of children and teachers and being made to wet herself?

Iggi999 · 12/02/2016 14:09

I notice a couple of posters saying as adults at work you just go when you need to, don't have to wait for a break. Perhaps teachers are hardline on this as they must certainly can't go whenever they need to! There are students who go to the toilet and don't come back. There are ones who vandalise it when they're in there, or go at a prearranged time to meet a friend, and the majority who just use it to miss some lesson time. As usual the minority like the OP's son end up suffering due to poor behaviour from others.

hmcAsWas · 12/02/2016 14:10

That's awful. I hope that you take this further

Iggi999 · 12/02/2016 14:10

I wonder how that teacher would feel being kept in a room of children and teachers and being made to wet herself?
I've come pretty close, especially when pg.

Highsteaks · 12/02/2016 14:12

I actually don't agree with the 'I am allowed to go whenever I want at work so why do we not let kids do the same' argument. Generally, adults don't spend ages in the toilets messing around to get out of doing any work, nor do they go in pairs and start throwing wet paper towel on the ceiling or whatever. There do have to be some rules in place otherwise the kids would just take the piss (pardon the pun).

Having said all that, that is really disgraceful from your son's teacher. I am primary so younger, and we generally are a bit strict about going to the loo ,especially straight after break, but for fuck's sake you use your common sense. So, if its really near the end of a lesson, if the child really looks like they need to go, or if they ask more than once, then you bloody let them go. Anything else is just cruel. And the to pretend not to notice he had wet himself?

I would be going in.

bumblefeline · 12/02/2016 14:13

YANBU, definitely complain.

The teacher would not let my reception aged child go to the toilet once and she nearly wet herself, my god did I let rip at that woman. She had zero respect from me after than incident.

It is a basic right to use the toilet, of course kids will try and take the mick. But it is disgusting. What about girls with heavy periods?

DakotaFanny · 12/02/2016 14:14

She saw that he had wet himself and offered no support??? What a bitch! Yes, phone the head. She needs a telling off before half term!!

Highsteaks · 12/02/2016 14:15

Ha yes, good.point about teachers not being allowed to go whenever they wanttin their workplace. I mean, if the adults and kids are to be treated equally and everything......... Wink

Goingtobeawesome · 12/02/2016 14:16

Your poor child.

I don't understand this banning toilet visits. Totally get that kids want to play in the miserly 15 minutes they get rather than go to the loo but if they stop one or else everything would want to go then they need to sort out that. Thirty kids don't all need to wee at once.

MadamDeathstare · 12/02/2016 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdjustableWench · 12/02/2016 14:23

That's awful. As are the reports of teachers being told by management not to let children go to the toilet during lessons. Obviously it's better if kids go at break times where possible, but sometimes people need to go urgently. Locking the toilets is just plain stupid.

fuzzpig · 12/02/2016 14:23

:( your poor DS. That is horrible. :(

primarynoodle · 12/02/2016 14:27

Im a teacher - conplain to the school.

Most schools now have got rid of this ridiculous policy of no toilet trips... i.e. unless it is a known skiver then you would usually say yes not no

Your poor son :(