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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

264 replies

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 12:59

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

OP posts:

donners312 · 12/02/2016 16:44

That is absolutely appalling.

How could she have just left him like that - not acceptable at all!

what if it was diarrhea and not a wee?

your poor boy and what a bitch!

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:44

If for example your child constantly asked to go and missed chunks of learning, parents would also complain about that. Its a hard judgment is what i am saying.
However this teacher judged it wrong.

wol1968 · 12/02/2016 16:45

Stupid policy. I can understand that kids sometimes take the piss (pardon the pun) when it comes to loo visits, but locking them out of use - really? What would be the position if one of the girls suddenly started her period mid-lesson? She would have no control over that. And I'm pretty sure that if she had no access to toilet facilities to sort herself out that would lay the school open to all kinds of legal action. What's the position with disabled pupils who may have more need for toilet access? This is all kinds of wrong.

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 16:45

I'd love to be able to go to the loo whenever I want. Sometimes due to classes having to tidy up, behaviour issues, tutee problems, parents ringing etc - I don't get to go between 8.30 am and 3.30pm...

JohnLuther · 12/02/2016 16:47

I'd be going ballistic, she basically made him wet himself.

PanMama · 12/02/2016 16:47

This is awful. Your poor little boy.

And the fact she offered no assistance after the fact. I would go ballistic tbh.

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:47

Totally agree. Sometimes i just cant go as a teacher. Who complains on my behalf?

cansu · 12/02/2016 16:50

She was wrong. I may say no the first time especially if a child has form for trying to get out of work, but never if they ask again. Anyone asking numerous times obviously needs to go. You should definitely complain.

Original poster

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 16:51

Oh, for disabled children, the toilet is left open, but it's past the staff room

OP posts:

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 16:51

WRT disabled pupils, or those with medical issues, or just known weak bladders - most schools I work in issue named Toilet Passes. Maybe the OP could get one for her DS?

Original poster

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 16:53

They have toilet passes but you need to have a doctor's certificate and honestly, DS doesn't use the toilet much during the lessons! It's just because he had drunk so much water because he had a sport event that morning

OP posts:

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:54

She was wrong. Contact the school.

wol1968 · 12/02/2016 16:54

Yeah but I bet if you're an adult and you are beyond desperate they have no choice but to let you go if you need to. Even working on checkouts they'll get someone to cover for a couple of minutes if you need to nip out. If there's a problem with someone abusing toilet breaks then you deal with that as it happens, not impose some stupid blanket ban that is potentially discriminatory.

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:55

If it were me and a child wet themselves, i would feel awful tbh. She used poor judgment. She clearly knew this.

HamaTime · 12/02/2016 16:55

I think an adult who has access to an unlocked toilet making a judgement about whether they can hold it in because they are busy is different to a child being physically locked out of a toilet.

I'm busy at work too, sometimes I think 'I'll go after this patient' and then someone gets rushed around from A&E and it's another 30 min, and then another one comes. I've never once pissed on the floor though, because there are toilets, I'm not locked out, and if it comes to it then I nip in. If the toilet was locked and my boss wouldn't give me the key..., well it's different.

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 16:55

I have noone to cover my class if I need to go! Seriously - especially if in the middle of a practical! Colleagues all have their own classes...

HamaTime · 12/02/2016 16:57

Is it not less disruptive to leave your class alone for 5 minutes than piss on the floor in front of them?

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:57

I don't think its right they lock the toilets but they may have good reason. Regardless of this, your child was bursting and she did not use good judgment. Its as simple as that.

WhatamessIgotinto · 12/02/2016 16:57

Jesus, this is ridiculous. I have pupils ask all the time if they can go to the toilet, most of them are trying to get a quick 5 mins away from the lesson but you get to know the ones who are taking the piss. I normally ask them if they can wait and if they still need in 5 mins to put their hand up. Most forget all about it, but if someone asks me again I let them go. SLT don't like it but tough shit. No child should be put in the position that they wet themselves.

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 16:59

*sorry he!

Who would take my class? Its incredibly hard to get someone to cover it so you hold on.

Original poster

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 16:59

The difference is, he couldn't hold it!

OP posts:

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 17:00

This is what i do and in my school its one boy and one girl allowed out at any one time unless they are bursting then i let them out.

PerspicaciaTick · 12/02/2016 17:01

Are there really, truly, actual adults on this thread saying "because I'm not allowed a wee, the children aren't either".

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 17:02

You are not allowed to leave your class alone in a science lab. Not even for 5 seconds let alone 5 minutes...

Greengardenpixie · 12/02/2016 17:03

No, but you have to learn to go to the toilet at the appropriate times. A lot of children take the piss pardon the pun

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