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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

264 replies

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 12:59

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

OP posts:

Iggi999 · 12/02/2016 17:44

If the toilets are a free for all then it's impossible to know who did the vandalism to deal with them individually, that's the problem.
Really we need a toilet attendant then, or perhaps teachers could use their free periods to check the toilets after every visit.

cannotlogin · 12/02/2016 17:48

To the teachers saying there is no one to cover their classes during the day while they go, why do you need someone to cover you? Why can't you get the class set on their work, then step out for five minutes? That's what has happened in every school I ever attended, and it's what happens in my kids' schools now

are you serious? you realise just what our responsibilities are to your children? what if I step out to go to the toilet and in that time, the class dick-head floors your child? what exactly are you going to say about that? it was OK because as an adult, I obviously needed to go to the toilet so you accept that there is no blame whatsoever to be put at my feet? or something else?

Baiiley1201 · 12/02/2016 17:55

I think that's the difference, you have a responsibility, the kids don't... They just need a piss, seriously

TwoNoisyBoys · 12/02/2016 17:59

I havent even read the full thread, I'm so incensed on your behalf.
I'm one of those mums that tend to take the teachers side, because I know what a ratbag my boys can be sometimes. But there are some things I would go ballistic over, and the s is one of them. I would be raising absolute HELL at school. Your poor boy

Scarydinosaurs · 12/02/2016 18:00

I'm shocked that bit more is being made of the treatment your son had AFTER she realised!

Ok she made a mistake, I bet that was awful for her to realise- but to leave him sat there?? And not aid a discrete leaving from the classroom???

That is what is awful. Complain. He doesn't need a toilet pass, they need a better fucking policy on letting children go to the toilet.

And yes, ideally school toilets would be regularly checked like in restaurants- but unlike restaurants, schools do not generate money, so therefore there is no budget to cover such a luxury.

cannotlogin · 12/02/2016 18:02

So a few posts ago, I was allowed to go to the toilet by just 'stepping out' of the classroom...now I'm not allowed due to my responsibilities....which is it?!

yes, a responsibility to ensure that every class I teach makes the maximum amount of progress possible...which is seriously interrupted every time some chancer want to go to the toilet. When was the last time you sat in a meeting with 32 people of which 15 of them in 20 minutes announced they were going to the loo..and needed updating when they got back and what happened whilst they were out?

Please don't get me wrong - I see that this child must feel dreadful and that it's unacceptable it should happen in the first place. But there are, unfortunately, reasons why it happened.

Baiiley1201 · 12/02/2016 18:05

Would you have let him sit in his own piss tho? And just tell him 'to go to lunch'? I mean, fair enough, she didn't know if it was real or not but at that point she did, the little guy was crying ffs

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 12/02/2016 18:05

Actually, the misjudgment of not allowing him to go is not the worst thing the teacher did. The worst thing was seeing that your DS had wet himself and was very upset about it, but simply dismissing him from the classroom without offering help.

Why on earth couldn't she have said she was sorry and had got it wrong, would he like to stay until clean clothes could be arranged, or something? The misjudgment was unfortunate, but not helping was a real abdication of responsibility.

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 18:09

FFS why am I teacher? Whatever we do is wrong - parents say we are wrong, the government says we are wrong. We bloody work stupid hours and still can't get all students A*s so aren't working hard enough etc (and I used to work long hours in finance - sorry, teaching is easily double the work).

All I have tried to do on this thread is to say that yes, it was awful for the OPs DS, yes the teacher made the wrong judgement call in this instance. But there are reasons why toilet trips are restricted.

And as for teachers using their "free periods" to be toilet attendants - are you having a laugh? Do you know how much marking and planning, and parent ringing, and data, and resource creating, and CPD has to go on in those 2 measly hours a fortnight?!

And I replied to the posters saying that adults can go when we want. Sorry, but we can't. Some classes I daren't even turn my back for 3 seconds to write on the board because of what will go on, let alone nip right over to the other side of school to the very few female staff toilets mid lesson.

I'm leaving this thread. And about to leave the profession. It's just not worth it.

DakotaFanny · 12/02/2016 18:11

Yes. She probably misguidedly followed rules set by the (most) school...but as lots of people have said, most of us would say no once, maybe twice, then use common sense and let him go. That's not the issue for me though- it's the fact that she ignored him when she saw it was too late. THAT is outrageous; mean, unsympathetic, vile behaviour. For that she deserves a royal kick up the arse!

Baiiley1201 · 12/02/2016 18:14

You chose to be a teacher, so stop complaining.

anotherbusymum14 · 12/02/2016 18:16

I am so sorry that happened. That's shocking. And for the teacher to realize and completely ignore / tell him to go to lunch. It's her duty to sort out the problem she created. She should have made every attempt to fix the situation for him and get him home, although wet, at least feeling like she had tried to rectify the situation or something/apologized or something. I would make such a noise about that to the school. That's not ok. Kids need to go and not all kids are untrustworthy.

PerspicaciaTick · 12/02/2016 18:19

And the overall outcome is that this child has ended up missing an awful lot more teaching time than if he had been allowed 5 minutes to go to the toilet.

HappyChristmasPratcheters · 12/02/2016 18:28

It's OK Bailey I have a new job to go to - back to the finance industry. Paying a lot more for fewer hours. And I bet you never complain about your job.

So my 10 years of teaching a shortage STEM subject, getting excellent exam results (pretty consistently the best in my department in an OFSTED outstanding school), and very good value added are stopping.

Good luck to the government in filling all the shortage subject teaching positions due to teachers leaving in their droves.

Anyway, I'm derailing and ranting on a thread were I probably shouldn't be.

Good luck in getting a good resolution OP :)

SugarMiceInTheRain · 12/02/2016 18:35

I'd be livid. I know that when I was teaching secondary, pupils were encouraged to go during breaks/ between lessons not during, but if, as was clearly the case here, a pupil genuinely needs to go, you let them! Teacher was cowardly as well, pretending not to notice that he'd had an accident.

thebiscuitindustry · 12/02/2016 18:35

If a child was messing around in the dining hall, should they and everyone else be banned from eating?!

steff13 · 12/02/2016 18:39

Of course I'm serious. I went to school for 12 years not counting college, the teachers stepped out of class frequently, and nothing like this ever happened. My boys are in high school now, 9th grade and 12th grade, their teachers are allowed to step out of the classroom to use the restroom or whatever, and nothing bad has ever happened. It boggles my mind that you'd expect it to.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 18:48

You chose to be a teacher, so stop complaining.

Ahem.

Think a lot of us are going to be complaining on very different grounds in the near future. And I say that as someone who expressed horror at what happened to this poor young man. MOST teachers are great. Most work harder than the rest of the population - certainly at that wage level. And the degree of scrutiny and micro-managing they have to contend with is batshit insane. If they were trusted a little more, then they might have more time to assess a child's individual temperament and situation better. My child is doing a damn sight better at a Good school which focuses on each child and their needs than he did at an Outstanding one which was obsessed by Ofsted and saw the kids as tools to retain their ranking... and my suspicion is that their chances of an Outstanding at his current (primary) are limited in direct consequence.

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 18:49

Steff it does depend on the school. They vary hugely in the pupil behaviours.

miraclebabyplease · 12/02/2016 18:49

I am a teacher. I also have the general rule that I say no the first time but yes the second time. Those who just want to time waste generally don't ask the second time.

I also tell the children that if they still need it in five minutes to ask again.

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 12/02/2016 18:52

'You chose to be a teacher, so stop complaining.'

honkinghaddock · 12/02/2016 19:02

I remember having to go during a lesson when I was pregnant. I was gone only 2 minutes but whilst I was gone someone punched someone else in the face. This was with a TA in the classroom.

honkinghaddock · 12/02/2016 19:04

I used to say ask again in 5 minutes or when I've finished talking.

MsJamieFraser · 12/02/2016 19:07

I would be fuming! and would be putting in a formal complaint!

Naicehamshop · 12/02/2016 19:15

You chose to be a teacher, so stop complaining
What a stupid and insensitive comment. No wonder so many good teachers are leaving the profession.

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