AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

[Walshie123]

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

Haven't read the whole thread but I'm sure other teachers would probably have the same opinion as me-I do usually refuse first time (unless it's the second lesson of the day which in our school is the only one without a break just before it) but if the request comes again I would say yes. Four times is disgraceful-he could have been poorly and not wanting to say so the teacher is lucky it was only pee. I'm tempted to tell him to wee in the sink next time! In all seriousness, go into school and talk to the head of year-it's not acceptable at all.

Kids do try it on, some are known for it though and you are more tuned in to them trying to waste time. So many children don't go at break but ask at the start of a lesson then walk in after 5/10 mins and don't know what to do with their work.

However, you can normally tell when they really need it by body language. I can't believe how this teacher did not pick up on that and also the cold way in which she dealt with your son when it was obvious what had happened. You definitely need to bring this up at the school.

Am i the only parent who responds with 'youll have to wait' when my children anounce a need for the toilet at inappropriate times?

Of course you're not. You might be one of the few who would still say 'you have to wait' or 'stop trying to lie your way to the toilet' after the 4th time of asking, or after being told 'I really can't hold it in anymore' or being told that they feel sick and then ignoring them when you see that they have wet themselves and are crying.
Denying people the opportunity to go for a wee after multiple times of asking and then ignoring them when they went themselves does not indicate marvellous common sense parenting skills. I bet there isn't a parent on this thread who hasn't at some point said 'You'll have to wait', but I bet there are a fair few who have backed down later when the child is saying they can't wait any longer.

A child who really needs the toilet will ask again

Many will, some will be too afraid to ask if the teacher has already said no.

not this school is it?

I would be tempted to ask to have a short meeting with the teacher directly so she has an opportunity to explain herself and apologise. I would then request to see the head teacher re policy of not letting pupils out and locking toilet doors. Those rules are understandable for to 90% of kids who are wanting out to waste time/fool around etc but it's not fair on the small honest minority like your son. In that meeting you could then explain how your meeting with the teacher went, and any concerns you have e.g. about how she didn't deal with the fact a pupil in her class had wet himself. Teenagers being teenagers they would have said something at the time if they had noticed. X

My school had a similar policy on toilets.
This is the reason I was permanently dehydrated while at school. I never ever went to the toilet for the entire day the whole time I was at school. And none of my friends did either.
It's a stupid rule because if you have a bottle of drink at lunch time then you're not going to need to go right then, and you'll end up needing to go halfway through one of your lessons.

How conducive is it to learning when you need the loo desperately and you can't/not allowed to go? Do these schools really think that the child will be concentrating on what is being taught? All you can think about is what you are being denied and a whole lesson is wasted for that child.

It's unforgivable that toilet doors are locked, and the children are told not to drink so much. My child's primary school bang on about them drinking water at every available opportunity, so where do they think all that water is going to go?

This young boy asked/begged FOUR times to go, even standing up to relieve the pressure. The teacher could clearly see he needed to go and wasn't messing around ("stop trying to lie his way to the toilet"). He told her he felt sick. That is inhumane treatment and the fact she knew he had eventually wet himself and did not help him is utterly appalling. Our bodies do not work the same, some need to wee more than others, there are periods, upset stomachs etc. To lock the toilet doors is just wicked and a practice that should stop in all schools. Do OFSTED condone the locking of toilet doors?

We have a new head- visits to the loo are strongly discouraged in lessons. Children are told to go to the loo at the start of playtime and lunchtime do they aren't wandering inside all the time. This is a primary school. It's another reason I am trying to find a new job.

Oh your poor son OP. My ds1 is in Yr7 and I would be very upset if this had happened to him.

It's such a shame though, that some individuals vandalise the toilets, avoid lessons or bully or intimidate other pupils in the toilets. This is the reason why teachers don't always let pupils out. Often they don't ask twice unless they really need to go so that tends to be a good indicator, but so many kids ask out of 4/5 lessons a day (I teach on the way to the toilet, and there are some regular visitors!) allowing all requests isn't really practical either.

As a teacher I used to purposely dehydrate myself as I couldn't go to the toilet all day either. On the day I had duty I couldn't go between 8.15am and 1.20pm.

I don't think teachers do this on purpose, but the culture of fear in most schools is strong.

Ridiculous and cruel. I would go to the head. why are the toilets locked? Is the school so unable to control the kids between lessons? Should you be looking for a nicer environment for your ds (if poss)?

This is obviously wrong. But teachers have always had to restrict pupils going to the toilet during lesson time. And there are plenty of jobs for adults where the times you can go to the loo are restricted.