AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

[Walshie123]

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

What is it with all the teachers being terrified of a 'telling off' from SLT?! Ffs, have the guts to tell management that their policy is unfair and unworkable and stand up for your students. I say this as a teacher of 20 years. SLT are not gods.

OP, complain - loudly.

Yes she was, I wonder why she is in teaching with that attitude. I would arrange to see and write a formal complaint to the head and the board of governors. That is totally unacceptable, humiliating a child like that, and denying them a basic human right. Children are not robots!

If my boss told me I was to make children wet themselves in public, I would say no. Power or no power.

OP: do not wait until after half-term.

Contact the school today while the incident is still fresh, even if it is to organise an apt for after half-term.

From a teachers point of view, children frequently ask to get out of what they are doing. I am not saying that your ds does but maybe she have lots of children that constantly ask. Every time a child leaves to go to the toilet, it totally disrupts the lesson. It means that things need to be gone over again. Having lots of kids asking out is very unsettling for learning generally. Considering he is a year 12 and had just had break, i kind of agree with the teacher. However I usually tell children that they can go once the teaching input is done if they are still asking. I can understand why the teacher said what she did. He should have gone at break time and he is old enough to hold it in. If a child asks me numerous times though, i would let them go. I can also see the other side of this.

*Sorry year 7.

He hadn't just just had break? That's what I was saying

I thought you said it was 15 minutes in?

Also he clearly wasn't 'old enough' to hold it... He wet himself

15 minutes in is just having had a break!

It was, but he has 2 lessons in a row?

No, he didn't have a break before that!

That is absolutely disgusting. I'd be up in arms. What if an adult asked?

Well the teacher should have let him go if he was asking repeatedly but a lot of children swing the lead. Clearly she assessed wrongly. I get both sides. He should have gone to the toilet at break though.

Your poor son.You would not humiliate an adult in this way. No sympathy for the teachers saying they would refuse a child when asked first time - just because they can. Very weird unhealthy power trip is the only explanation - surely vandalized toilets is the management problem.
CCTV, armed police officers, caretakers - up to the management to figure it out.

What genius came up with this policy?

Would be good to hear an opinion of a urologist - is it healthy to make a desperate child to hold a pee just because he/she forgot / didn't need to do it during the break?
After several pregnancies I hold a freedom to pee high in the list of basic human rights. No use asking me why didn't I go 15 mins before we left home and telling me you can't take me anywhere.

Oh right i see. Well she should have let him go. I thought you meant 15 mins in from break.

He went to the toilet at break.

No

It's the one rule as a teacher I never stick too. If you need the loo you need the loo..I would go nuts if it was one of my boys too.

Well speak to the headteacher. She should have let him go. However please appreciate that while it may not be your son, many many children ask to go and it can be constant and disruptive.

No you woukd not hum,it's an adult like that, if you do at work, there is a grievience procedure. Bloody disgusting!

I teach middle school and with all due respect asking out to the toilet, especially at the beginning of the year can be constant and it is wearing and disruptive to learning.
I'm not saying the teacher was right in this case. However i can see why she said no initially.

Who said teachers are "terrified" of a telling off from SLT? It does however have an influence on your decision.

I commented that I had also had public bollocking from SLT. I continued to let students out to the loo if I trusted them - but you have to be able to make that call. I am no longer at that school however - you can fill in the gaps as to why.

But it is a judgment call. And as I said upthread - sometimes if I let one go, then upwards of 10 want to go, all making a song and dance about it, and being as dramatic as they can on re-entry - or just going AWOL.

Just go point out no one would be in my school at this time sorry. We ran out of the door at 2.30 :)

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and ask her what her reason was for not letting him go to the toilet. I don't see why they can't use the toilet when they need it, it's a stupid rule. However I have been in enough schools to know why some teachers don't let certain children use the toilet. I am not saying that your son has ever given the teacher reason to deny him the chance to leave the lesson, but as a parent with classroom experience that would be my first question to rule out. If there is no valid reason then I would be asking the teacher/school to review their toilet policy.