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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher is in the wrong?

264 replies

Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 12:59

DS is 12 (in Yr 7)

He rarely asks to go to the toilet.

He was in an Art lesson (he had a lesson before this, so it wasn't just after break/lunch and the toilets are locked during lesson change) and asked if he could go to the toilet, it was 15 mins in.

Teacher said no and he left it. 5 mins later he asked again and she said that she had already told him no and he said that he really needed to go and she said that he can't.

5 mins even later, he got up and went over to her and said that he really doesn't think he can hold it anymore and he seriously had to go and she told him to sit down and get on with his work.

He said to me that he would have walked out at that point, but the toilets are locked and you need a note to get the key and he went over to the sink (he said standing helped) and that's the only way he could possibly keep it in. She said he was taking too long to wash his hands and he wet himself.

He then went over to his teacher and asked if he could go to medical as he feels really sick and she then told him to stop it and stop trying to lie his way to the toilet. He sat down.

When the lesson was over he began to cry and the teacher went over and asked what the problem was and she obviously saw because before he answered, he said she began to just back away and start to write on the board and told him to just go to lunch.

He got up and phoned me from the toilets and I went and got him (I pretended he had an appointment, someone else's was cancelled so he got it quick (wasn't true)) and now he refuses to go back, he thinks everyone saw, but by the sounds of things they didn't?? I just don't know what to suggest :(

AIBU or was that teacher in the wrong? (Fair enough if I'm being unreasonable/DS is, but just not sure what to do)

OP posts:
primarynoodle · 12/02/2016 14:27

I also usually can spell! (End of a very long term taking it's toll already)

Marniasmum · 12/02/2016 14:29

can you think of any other situation in life where refusing to let someone use the loo would not be seen as an appalling breach of human rights.I have had 3Dc through secondary so far and they are allowed to go to the toilet when they need to.

CoraPirbright · 12/02/2016 14:29

What. the. actual. fuck??

I would be incandescent and would be going down there to read the riot act. How utterly mortifying for a 12 year old to wet himself. Poor kid.

And why on earth are the loos locked??

Original poster
Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 14:32

They said the locked toilets was a new thing this year, as kids were being late to their lessons, where they would stop off there on her way...

OP posts:
timeKeepingOnMars · 12/02/2016 14:36

They need to deal with children being late to lessons in a different way.

Highsteaks · 12/02/2016 14:37

So when are the toilets unlocked then?!

sunnybobs · 12/02/2016 14:40

Definitely complain, about the locked toilets, school policy and most of all the teachers response to him when upset, as that's really depressing. I'm also a teacher & yes all schools generally say never to let kids out during lessons but it's easy enough to show some common sense and compassion! I usually say that if they need to go then they also need to come & see me at break for the same amount of time they're out of the room - this usually keeps in the room all those who were going to go and just mess about & encourages speed from those who were truly desperate to go. Obviously medical needs are entirely different & usually those children have a toilet pass & are discreetly allowed to go whenever. This teacher sounds either cruel or more likely out of her depth at controlling classes or behaviour so I'd be shouting complaints loudly!

Original poster
Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 14:40

They are unlocked before school, break, lunch and after school

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 12/02/2016 14:43

I'm a teacher. That's appalling and a flagrant breach of his human rights.

ScarlettDarling · 12/02/2016 14:44

I'm fuming on your son's behalf. He must feel utterly humiliated. I know my 12 year old ds would be mortified in this situation.

The whole thing about locking toilets just beggars belief. What if a girl comes on unexpectedly and needs to go to the loo?

Dreadful. I'm not a complainer but in this situation I definitely would.

Norest · 12/02/2016 14:47

I suppose it is possible to accept that the teacher didn't believe him or was under pressure from management not to let children leave class.

But for her to have seen that he had wet himself and dismiss him like that? Shows an utter lack of respect and empathy..to the point where I would be concerned about the teachers suitability for her job.

Disgraceful and yes I would be compaining very strongly to the head. Though I expct the techer will claimshe did not see he had wet himself. People like that usually do.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/02/2016 14:48

Your poor boy. You know yourself as an adult its bloody horrible when you need the toilet and can't get there. Not only that but can't it be damaging to hold it in, and suppose he's have wet himself.
It's ridiculous only allowing them to go the toilet at set times. Everyone's body works differently. Not every child wants to go the the toilet simultaneously at 11am because it happens to be break time.

VimFuego101 · 12/02/2016 14:53

What a cruel thing to do. Any decent teacher would know which students were likely to mess around or had form for asking for the toilet for the sake of it. If your son is well-behaved and never usually asks to go, that should be enough to show the teacher that he really did need to use the toilet.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 12/02/2016 14:55

You poor son, I would be absolutely livid!

I have dses in Years 7 and 8 and both would be utterly humiliated if they wet themselves at school. There really is no need. Surely most teachers know who the chancers are and can use common sense to recognize when children have a genuine need😗

katiekatie4141 · 12/02/2016 14:57

My DD asked to go to toilet was refused, told teacher her period had started and she didn't have a pad on she still said no. DD had to wait a double lesson to go to the toilet by which point shed leaked everywhere. It's ridiculous , I understand you don't want kids running to the toilet every 5 minutes through lessons but surely they have to make exceptions!

WhitePhantom · 12/02/2016 14:58

That's disgusting of the teacher.

I remember reading an article some time ago about an elderly gentleman on a long bus journey who needed to go to the toilet (no toilets on the bus) and the driver refused to stop anywhere to let him go. The same result ensued as with your son. There was hell to pay and as far as I recall the man in question sued the bus company and was awarded substantial damages for great distress and humiliation.

It's a rotten thing to do to anyone. I'd raise hell (calmly, if that makes sense!) over it.

BrianButterfield · 12/02/2016 14:59

I would say no first time (as the rule is no students out in lesson) but the second time it's easy to tell a chancer from a genuine request.

However I take issue at the venom about her 'refusing to help' him clean up - certainly in such a situation most 12yo boys would much rather be let out discreetly to sort themselves out rather than fussed over by a disliked teacher (who definitely does not have spare clothes etc to hand).

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 12/02/2016 15:00

Yadnbu

Fair enough to say the first time but to say no when a 12 year old says they can't hold it and has asked three or four times is mind boggling! Especially with no history as a troublemaker! Not that it would ever be acceptable to get to the point of them wetting themselves but if a child regularly cried wolf to skive lessons and cause trouble I could at least see where the teacher was coming from

thisismypassword · 12/02/2016 15:02

I'm a teacher and we are told to not let children out during lessons. However I use my discretion and I think in your son's case I would have let him out after the 3rd request. Teacher sounds like a fool.

I'd first check the school policy on this and if all the teachers are not letting students out then contact the Head and complain. If it's just her then she needs a talking to to be honest, so call the Head!

As a teacher this would be my worst nightmare. You just sometimes don't know which students are lying. Harsh but true. They can't all go out and if you say yes to one they all want to go or they all moan it's unfair. Can't bloody win.

Original poster
Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 15:04

DS even said she can give him an after school detention :( makes me sad

OP posts:
springscoming · 12/02/2016 15:06

What have you decided to do about this OP?

Original poster
Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 15:06

1000% I'll be going up the school

OP posts:
timelytess · 12/02/2016 15:07

The teacher clearly has no common sense and needs to fully understand the consequences of her actions. I'd insist on speaking to the Head or Chair of Governors and I've been a teacher for close on 30 years

Poor boy. And poor teacher.

The teacher has no way of knowing which child is genuinely in need of the toilet and which child is putting it on. Most schools object to teachers allowing children out of classrooms. Breaks are provided so that children can use the facilities, which will be unlocked at those times.

I was a teacher for over 20 years. Sometimes I made mistakes. Common sense always prevailed and no-one brought in the Chair of Governors! I think the attitudes shown on this thread towards the teacher are pretty poor.

Original poster
Walshie123 · 12/02/2016 15:07

I'll wait till after half term and that's good because DS should be more comfy about going back then

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 12/02/2016 15:08

Same here (secondary). Children are not allowed out of lessons for the toilet. Toilets are open before school, at break, at lunch and after school. We are not allowed to use our discretion. If they are caught then the member of staff is in trouble with SLT.

Op does your ds school offer toilet passes for children who need them?