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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have asked for a cup of tea and slice of toast?

122 replies

listsandbudgets · 11/02/2016 21:30

DD was admitted to hospital overnight yesterday. Thankfully discharged today though still not clear what's wrong with her and she's still clearly ill.

I picked her up from after school club at 4.30 and it became quickly apparent she was very unwell. I called dp who came and took us to A&E where we arrived at 5.30. DP then returned home with 3 year old ds. DD was seen quite quickly and after various long processes we made it to the ward at 11.45pm by which time I'd not had food or drink since a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich at 1pm.

Once dd was settled around 12.15am and it became obvious she wanted me to stay with her which i agreed to do I went to the nurse station and asked if there was anywhere I could get a slice of toast and cup of tea as I'd not had food or drink by that point for over 11 hours.

I was told that as I wasn't a patient there was nothing they could do and I'd need to wait until the cafe opened at 7am. They did give me a cup of water though.

AIBU to think they could at least have risen to a cup of tea. I know I wasn't their patient but its not like I was asking for a feast - I didn't even mind that much about the toast I jsut wanted something warm :(

To be fair at 3.30am a nurse came to do obs on DD and I asked her for a cup of tea and she bought one saying she was surprised I'd not been offered one hours ago Confused

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 11/02/2016 21:35

a bit - I think the problem is you asked in the middle of the night - when maybe they couldn;t access food

When I've been in over night with kids my Ex would bring in food (even if it meant bring the other kids) and when they did the food rounds in the day/evening they would always offer me stuff

There isn't much readily available at midnight x

Kpo58 · 11/02/2016 21:36

I don't really understand why hospitals don't have a 24hr cafe. It doesn't need to posh or exciting, but surely there must be enough demand from staff on night shifts, patients/visitors staying up at all hours on the maternity ward, visitors to A&E and various other patients who are awake.

SquinkiesRule · 11/02/2016 21:36

How rude, we make tea for rellies who stay overnight, we would do it couple of times then show you were the machine is so you can help yourself. We'd make some toast too or get you some biscuits. Same goes for patients, we had the odd one who wakes and we'll give them some tea and biscuits in the middle of the night.
Hope she's well and home soon.

ScarlettDarling · 11/02/2016 21:38

No, common sense and decency would say you definitely weren't asking too much. Of course they should have offered you a cup of tea.

Hope your daughter is ok Flowers

ToothlessAndPointless · 11/02/2016 21:39

Par for the course in every ward I've ever been on when my son had cancer. I couldn't leave his side and never got anything. Dark bloody days they were.

YANBU.

slightlyglitterbrained · 11/02/2016 21:40

It is hard, as they're set up to cater for patients and can't really afford to do otherwise. DS was in a couple of months ago - there were tea making facilities on the ward, but they were supplied by a voluntary group who fundraised to look after parents.

madamginger · 11/02/2016 21:44

When I had DD I was admitted to post natal at 8pm, I'd been in the delivery suite since 9am and all I'd had to eat all day was a slice of toast and a cup of tea after she'd been born (at 5pm) I was starving
I asked for some food and I was told there was nothing to eat till breakfast as I'd missed dinner. SadShock

claraschu · 11/02/2016 21:45

When my son was in hospital there was tea at all hours and a box to drop a donation in if you wanted to. There were also snacks available at all hours for the patients, but I am sure they would have given me something if I wanted it.

TheWoollybacksWife · 11/02/2016 21:46

I hope your DD feels better soon Flowers

My DD2 was admitted via A&E last year. We arrived at about 4:30 and she was admitted to the ward at about 8pm. The staff couldn't have been more helpful. There was a break room for parents on the ward which they kept stocked with basic supplies of tea, coffee, juice and plain biscuits for people to help themselves to. TBH it was an absolute godsend to have somewhere to hide for a bit of a cry and I knew I could get a hot drink without feeling that I was distracting anyone.

ZiggyFartdust · 11/02/2016 21:46

I've spent a lot of time in childrens hospitals. Generally not alone would you never get a cup of tea from anyone on the ward, you aren't allowed to bring one into the ward even if you can get one somewhere else. Which generally you can't because you can't leave the child alone for that long.
I think my record was about 48 hours on the contents of my handbag alone. That was fun.

Jakadaal · 11/02/2016 21:48

Our local paeds ward has a kitchen for parents/careers to use. There is always cereal or cheese and crackers available as well as tea and coffee. Toasters on the other hand are a health and safety nightmare so have been banned

SpartaCarcass · 11/02/2016 21:49

That is really odd. The children's ward near us has a parents' room with coffee making facilities - you leave some money in the box. Plus there are always machines somewhere in a hospital selling food they could direct you too. Plus it wouldn't have killed them to help.

IHaveBrilloHair · 11/02/2016 21:50

In theory I agree, in practice I'd be pissed off if I needed medical attention and the nurse was making tea and toast.
Vending machines or 244 hour cafetiere would be better.
Hope your DD is well soon of course.

JapaneseSlipper · 11/02/2016 21:52

Agree that hospitals should have food available at all times (for purchase at least). Perhaps high-quality vending machines, stocked by the cafe before they close for the day?

I realise I'm homing in on a weird detail here but I find this a bit strange: "Once dd was settled around 12.15am and it became obvious she wanted me to stay with her which i agreed to do"

Surely it's taken as read that a school age child has a parent stay with them if they are in hospital? Am I wrong about that? Happy to be corrected.

Katastrophe13 · 11/02/2016 21:53

Twice when I was heavily pregnant with DD my ds was admitted to hospital overnight and I was only offered water. Luckily there was a vending machine so I survived on chocolate and mini cheddars. In the morning I asked for toast and they said no because I was not a patient. I ate DS' breakfast when no one was looking...

WhyIRayLiotta · 11/02/2016 21:55

YABU.

I was stuck in a hospital far from home (but UK) and I didn't leave my then 3 year old DDs side for 3 days and I had nothing at all to eat in that time. We had no visitors, and what they brought for DD ( when she could eat again) was being monitored to see how she was coming on.

When DH eventually got to us, he went and brought me loads of food!

I didn't expect anything from the nurses, and I didn't ask.

Almostfifty · 11/02/2016 21:56

I was offered tea at half four in the morning when I arrived to be with my DC who was poorly, and they kept bringing them the rest of the night. There were bacon sandwiches the next morning.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/02/2016 21:57

When I worked on a children's ward we always had bread available to make toast but like others have said toasters are a health and safety nightmare so maybe they were banned on that ward?

ScouseQueen · 11/02/2016 21:58

Alder Hey has a cafe that is open 24 hours, though you would have to leave the ward at least briefly to get something from it. Don't know what provision is like on wards at night though there are vending machines around in A&E. I can see how it's difficult for staff though you'd hope there would at least be a pack of biscuits around or similar.

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 11/02/2016 21:59

Japenese - earlier she'd been staying she didn't want me to stay but then she changed her mind. I was quite glad really as didn't want to leave her to be honest.

Whyirayliotta - 3 days Shock Its lucky you didn't get ill too

OP posts:
amarmai · 11/02/2016 22:00

perhaps they have discretion to give or not and the one you asked chose not=not nice. Hope your dd will improve and you both can get some rest and relaxation.

Muskateersmummy · 11/02/2016 22:02

Difficult. Whilst yes it would be nice to make you tea and toast, many hospital departments no longer have access to free teabags and bread. They have to bring in their own tea bags and food. So they may not have and to give without paying for it themselves which they should not be expected to do.

I'm sure if they could they would have given you something.

Glad your daughter is ok.

notmaryberry · 11/02/2016 22:05

When I stayed in overnight with DD there was a parents kitchen with tea making stuff and a vending machine when the cafe was shut. I was given a bed to sleep on, but no blanket or pillow.

LilRedWG · 11/02/2016 22:09

How horrible that they wouldn't wouldnmake you a hot drink. When DS was in overnight as an emergency they insisted I have toast and tea and even gave me toothpaste, toothbrush, towels and shower gel.

marshmallowpies · 11/02/2016 22:16

Japanese I had a (thankfully) minor operation as a child and my mum didn't stay with me overnight - I remember distinctly saying 'you'll stay with me mummy?' And then waking up to find she'd gone (and howling the ward down). The difference is of course that it was a routine operation not an admission to A&E - in the OPs case I would definitely have stayed.

I was readmitted to the postnatal ward with DD2 last year when she was 1 week old - and they found me a sandwich at 11pm. Mind you at that point I was the patient not her, I had complications, she was fine, but I'd been bumped from midwives office to clinic to labour ward to postnatal ward over 4-5 hour period, so I did appreciate someone taking the trouble to ask if I wanted something to eat.

Either way in OP's position, tea at the very least would have been welcome at that point.

OP hope that your DD is better soon Flowers