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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have asked for a cup of tea and slice of toast?

122 replies

listsandbudgets · 11/02/2016 21:30

DD was admitted to hospital overnight yesterday. Thankfully discharged today though still not clear what's wrong with her and she's still clearly ill.

I picked her up from after school club at 4.30 and it became quickly apparent she was very unwell. I called dp who came and took us to A&E where we arrived at 5.30. DP then returned home with 3 year old ds. DD was seen quite quickly and after various long processes we made it to the ward at 11.45pm by which time I'd not had food or drink since a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich at 1pm.

Once dd was settled around 12.15am and it became obvious she wanted me to stay with her which i agreed to do I went to the nurse station and asked if there was anywhere I could get a slice of toast and cup of tea as I'd not had food or drink by that point for over 11 hours.

I was told that as I wasn't a patient there was nothing they could do and I'd need to wait until the cafe opened at 7am. They did give me a cup of water though.

AIBU to think they could at least have risen to a cup of tea. I know I wasn't their patient but its not like I was asking for a feast - I didn't even mind that much about the toast I jsut wanted something warm :(

To be fair at 3.30am a nurse came to do obs on DD and I asked her for a cup of tea and she bought one saying she was surprised I'd not been offered one hours ago

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 12/02/2016 07:02

We wouldn't be able to do you toast here as we don't have a toaster (except on delivery) but we always have a fridge with left over sandwiches.

So we would have let you have a sandwich and a cup of tea. I often offer relatives tea if they have been visiting a while and I have time to make it. It isn't our job no, but I like being nice and if I have time I like to make sure relatives are comfortable, especially if they are actually staying.

Sirzy · 12/02/2016 07:11

When ds was in hospital at his worst their was a very heavy snow (staff where sleeping in the day unit rather than trying to get home after shift!) so any parents or relatives that managed to get out and back in again we're bringing in massive supplies of food for all. One dad worked at a crisp factory and managed to get a great big bin bag full of them in for us all! They had tea and coffee and toast making facilities on the ward too.

When ds has been too ill for me to leave him I have been given toast when they are doing breakfasts and a jug of juice but I would never expect that and I think on the to do list of things on a ward feeding parents is the least of their worries!

QueenofLouisiana · 12/02/2016 07:38

Our children's ward has a parents room with food, you are asked to replace anything you use- soup, microwave rice bowls etc are all there.

DS was admitted with a burst appendix from a GP visit so I had nothing except the clothes I was wearing (and had flown long haul in the night before- made GPapointment on the drive from the airport). They had spare gowns and a small toiletry kit which I could have. It was a godsend. DH brought a surprisingly well organised bag in for DS, forgot about me!

Titsalinabumsquash · 12/02/2016 07:41

We're lucky with our local pead ward, I don't know if it's because they know us so well or of if its what they do for everyone but I get at least 3 coffees a day with a pack of biscuits each time and then whatever's left in the dinner trolley is offered to me and if they're there my other kids.
Tbh my personal experience is that I do 99% of DS's care on the ward so a cup of tea brought to the room is hardly a lot to ask!

SirChenjin · 12/02/2016 08:22

Ditsy - we used that house too. Wonderful place, made a difficult time much more bearable.

minesapintofwine · 12/02/2016 08:36

When ds was admitted as a toddler they had a parent room but I couldn't really get to it, as patients weren't allowed in there and I couldn't leave ds. I did just suck it up tbh but my comfort levels were very low. I did chance my luck when they came round to offer ds lunch but they said no. I was a bit embarrassed to have asked. Looking back I think I could have been offered a cup of tea or something but I accept I wasn't priority and would never have asked in the middle of night. For that I think Yabu.

The absolute worst thing was after a c section I was offered tea and toast. I'd been told it was the best thing ever and was so excited, until they told me I was nil by mouth still. G.u.t.t.e.d

twojumpingbeans · 12/02/2016 08:50

Having stayed overnight oodles of times in hospital with DD I can't believe that there wasn't a vending machine anywhere in the hospital you could have used, the nurses could have sent you there.

Jibberjabberjooo · 12/02/2016 09:17

Our canteen shuts at a weekend, I think it's terrible.

We aren't allowed to feed parents, unless a mum is EBF. But parents can help themselves to bread and tea from the kitchen.

DianaTrent · 12/02/2016 09:28

You genuinely can't always get to a vending machine. If you have a young child who is very upset and in a potentially dangerous state such as with a central line attached to a pump, and no staff on the corridor, you can't just abandon them just because you haven't eaten. Particularly if, like on our ward, once you leave you need to be let back in and may have to wait a long time at night for a nurse to be free to get the door.

fadingblonde1 · 12/02/2016 09:38

When my dd was an inpatient there was a kitchen where you could get hot drinks, you had to leave 20p in a pot, it wasn't monitored so more of a voluntary contribution I suppose. However you could not take your hot drink back to the ward, you had to stay in the kitchen with it. There was no food in the kitchen but there were vending machines throughout the hospital if you wanted something after the cafe was closed.

Natsku · 12/02/2016 09:47

Can't believe they didn't give you a cuppa at least!

When DD was in the children's ward they had a parents' room with kettle and coffee machine and microwave etc. There were some things that anyone could use (crackers, tea bags, coffee etc.) and a fridge to store your own food in. As we were there for a few days one of the nurses offered to sit with DD for half an hour so I could walk to the nearest shop and pick up some food for myself. They provided breakfast (at a small fee) for me as well. Really lovely hospital it was.

EponasWildDaughter · 12/02/2016 10:08

When i thought i was losing DD4 at 24 weeks preg i went to A&E in the middle of making dinner at 5.30 in the afternoon. Hadn't eaten since mid-morning.

Ended up on a ward at 11.30 that night hitched up to a drip and not allowed to walk. Breakfast wasn't ordered for my bed and DH couldn't get to me till 9am. That would have been 22 hours without food! :(

At about 1am i called a nurse to tell him i was feeling faint and bless him he went off and found up a yogurt (room temp) and 2 packets of biscuits.

I ate the yog because i knew i should eat, but felt too sick with worry to eat anything else.

Got a scan and and an all clear about DD4 still being alive and well at 8am the next morning JOY!

No biscuits have ever tasted as good as the ones i scoffed then!

Shineyshoes10 · 12/02/2016 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2ndSopranosRule · 12/02/2016 11:17

When dd2 was in there was a kitchen with tea/coffee. The lovely nurses said they'd bring me some toast too when they offered to the children in the evening as there was always tons left.

I was a bit cheeky with breakfast though. I got dd2 two Weetabix and two slices of toast knowing full well she'd eat one or the other (she was only 17 mo at the time and not a great eater). Lo and behold she ate half the Weetabix and no toast.

MamaLazarou · 12/02/2016 18:19

When I was in hospital having my baby, I was given two pieces of toast the whole time I was there (4pm til noon the next day). I found out later that the new mums had to go into a breakfast room and help themselves - well, no-one told me!

MaddiesMummy1986 · 12/02/2016 18:20

My 5 day old baby was admitted to hospital with weight loss (14%) and they only gave me cups of tea for five days. My husband had to go out and bring me takeaway food and sandwiches which was great considering I was trying to breastfeed- not exactly nutritious. I even got him to bring bread from home one day so I could have some breakfast but I wasn't allowed to use the nurses toaster for health and safety reasons! Every morning the catering staff would come round and say 'oh you've got a baby- sorry no food for you' Yes I could use the cafe but I didn't want to leave my tiny baby for any period of time (my emotions were all over the place)

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 12/02/2016 18:23

The paeds wards I work on have a supply of milk, cereals, butter, jams, marmite, yogurts, jellies, biscuits and fruit in our parents rooms and none of us would've objected to either pointing you in the right direction or making you tea and toast in a quiet moment.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 12/02/2016 18:27

Children's ward couldn't function without the parents as generally they don't have HCSW as parents do the role of washing, dressing and feeding.

It really narks me when HCP are not flexible. When I have back nursed and a relative is staying with a relative and is relieving some pressure by feeding or personal care the most I can do is go and make some tea and toast.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 12/02/2016 18:30

MaddiesMummy the hospital I work in breastfeeding mums get all meals. Without food it can affect milk supply

rampantrose · 12/02/2016 18:42

My daughter ended up being taken in as an emergency as they thought she had bronchitis (she was around 7 months old)turned out to be pneumonia and possible asthma so we had to stay a few days. The staff were amazing they provided me with anything and everything I needed from food to our own private room with personal bathroom etc too. I was offered drinks and meals including breakfast, lunch and dinner for both me and her. They even provided a room where you could go and make your own tea etc. (it was all provided). If it wasn't for the dinners there I wouldn't of eaten for most of the time I was in there as couldn't afford the shop prices! (£10 almost for a cheese roll and drink and crisps). Luckily after a few days we were released and back home to proper food but i'd of been lost without them actually being so lovely and feeding us both!

ErrrrrNo · 12/02/2016 18:44

I was in overnight with my son a few months ago, quite similar situation to yours, we got tea and couple of biscuits because that was all they had access to.

Potatoface2 · 12/02/2016 18:49

i would always ask relatives if they would like tea......cant make toast though as kitchen is locked and have no access to any food overnight on ward

HanYOLO · 12/02/2016 18:56

When DS was in for a couple of nights (emergency op) there was a kitchen and sitting room (and a bathroom with shower) for parents. Kitchen had a toaster and a kettle, tea & coffee, milk and sliced white provided.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/02/2016 19:02

I thought nurses would have some sort of staff kitchen where they could rustle up a snack or hot drink? They do on One Born Every Minute. The staff could have bent the rules if it was just you asking perhaps but maybe they get requests like yours all the time and they feel it's not their job?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 12/02/2016 19:03

In my local hospital if your DC is admitted to the children's ward and you are breastfeeding (even if they are weening) the hospital policy is that they have to feed you as well. Just wanted to say that incase any bf mums read this - it's worth an ask.

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