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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have asked for a cup of tea and slice of toast?

122 replies

listsandbudgets · 11/02/2016 21:30

DD was admitted to hospital overnight yesterday. Thankfully discharged today though still not clear what's wrong with her and she's still clearly ill.

I picked her up from after school club at 4.30 and it became quickly apparent she was very unwell. I called dp who came and took us to A&E where we arrived at 5.30. DP then returned home with 3 year old ds. DD was seen quite quickly and after various long processes we made it to the ward at 11.45pm by which time I'd not had food or drink since a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich at 1pm.

Once dd was settled around 12.15am and it became obvious she wanted me to stay with her which i agreed to do I went to the nurse station and asked if there was anywhere I could get a slice of toast and cup of tea as I'd not had food or drink by that point for over 11 hours.

I was told that as I wasn't a patient there was nothing they could do and I'd need to wait until the cafe opened at 7am. They did give me a cup of water though.

AIBU to think they could at least have risen to a cup of tea. I know I wasn't their patient but its not like I was asking for a feast - I didn't even mind that much about the toast I jsut wanted something warm :(

To be fair at 3.30am a nurse came to do obs on DD and I asked her for a cup of tea and she bought one saying she was surprised I'd not been offered one hours ago

OP posts:

TannhauserGate · 11/02/2016 23:06

x-post with expat.

gandalf456 · 11/02/2016 23:06

Hospitals are so tight with tea. Most of it is as weak as feck anyway so can't be costing much at all.

DianaTrent · 11/02/2016 23:08

It just depends on the hospital and the sister in charge. In the ward DD was treated on the parent kitchen was on another floor and there weren't enough nurses to keep an eye on your child so if your child was so ill they couldn't cope without supervision for half an hour then it was what was in the tap or nowt unless you had both parents. It's awful but in many cases the poor staff have barely enough time to treat the kids and could be seriously disciplined for giving you anything anyway. Hope the wee one makes a quick recovery and you're back home soon.

Behooven · 11/02/2016 23:10

Not unreasonable. I would've thought it was common decency to offer a hot drink or even just a biscuit to the parent of a sick child. I'm not particularly surprised though, I've had a dreadful experience myself when staying in Yorkhill with DS.

expatinscotland · 11/02/2016 23:12

'You can't exactly leave the hospital or order a takeaway.'

Places that use JustEat and Hungry House will usually deliver to the door of the unit. They send a text and you just have to go to the door.

redshoeblueshoe · 11/02/2016 23:12

boden - you can order take-away (at least in our local hospital) I know someone who ordered pizza

expatinscotland · 11/02/2016 23:20

I used to order food, too, to put in the parent kitchen. Sainbo's would deliver and so would Waitrose, even small orders (with a fee).

Italiangreyhound · 11/02/2016 23:26

YANBU. Hope your dd is OK.

Katedotness1963 · 11/02/2016 23:29

When my eldest was born I got no breakfast in the hospital because I hadn't ordered it the night before. I didn't get there till 2:30am and he was born at 6:40am, I had no time to order anything. I got nothing till lunchtime, when the doctor came to do rounds and checkups and my lunch went cold while he chatted to me.

philosophicmum · 11/02/2016 23:31

That sounds pretty rubbish. My DS2 had an overnight stay in hospital a few weeks ago, and I was offered tea and a sandwich in the evening (though that was A&E rather than the children's ward), but there was a parents' kitchen on the ward where you could always make yourself tea and toast, and store other food if you had any on you, and in the morning they gave you tea and cereal. Other meals you had to find yourself unless you were breastfeeding in which case they'd feed you all the time.

LookAtAllThesePhucksIGive · 11/02/2016 23:32

The girl recovering from a section in the bed across from me ordered Chinese. It smelled nasty. When I gave birth to dd they brought me tea and toast. Dh scoffed the lot. The mw was so pissed off with him. She did bring more and told him in no uncertain terms to keep his hands off. He's usually a nice and kind person. I'll blame the long hours. :o

Ditsy4 · 11/02/2016 23:32

Sick kids in Edinburgh is marvellous. Flat and a house for parents to stay in with a kitchen to make snacks and meals. It is for those whose children are in intensive care, high dependency and those who have travelled a long way.
The cafe is open quite long hours too. The flat has several bedrooms and all of it has been donated by local businesses. There was a voluntary stall on with cake, biscuits etc too.
Don't forget many wards are very short staffed now especially overnight. I think you should have been given something but perhaps she couldn't leave the ward to make it. Often nurses don't get a cup of tea on night duty.

Ditsy4 · 11/02/2016 23:35

Opps!
Hope she recovers quickly

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 11/02/2016 23:50

Children's A&E at our local has a small kitchen area - make your own tea, if you're lucky there are biscuits, if it's the middle of the night help yourself to a leftover sandwich (they can't give them to patients once it's gone midnight and they have the previous day's date - but parents can eat at own risk!). There are bags made up for children - sandwich, crackers, squashed fly biscuits, squash, yogurt.

However, I always keep emergency rations in my handbag, and I have a 'hospital survival bag' in the car with cereal bars, fruit pouches for DS, raisins, rice cakes, chocolate buttons, long life juice cartons and decent teabags/hot chocolate sachets, wipes, phone charger... The chocolate buttons are used as bribes to take medicine - I try not to eat them myself!

LalaLyra · 12/02/2016 00:00

This does my head in in our local hospital. All of the vending machines were removed. They were apparently replacing them with 'healthier option machines' but never got round to it. Then because of pressure from staff/patients they put one machine in, but it's in the restaurant that closes at 8pm and you can't access it at night! There is a water machine in A&E and that's it.

The last time I had DS in a nurse had given her sandwich to a parent and when her husband finished his shift she'd asked him to pick something up at the 24hr Tesco for her and she kindly asked him to grab me a couple of things. He finishes at 3am and according to one of the other nurses he is a godsend to parents on a regular basis. Which is an appalling state of affairs really - people should be able to access the vending machine at least.

Hope your DD feels better soon.

Dontlaugh · 12/02/2016 00:04

For the short termers, on a ward there is usually a parent's kitchen. Kettle, teabags, milk's a bit hit and miss. IME in ICU, both adult and paediatric, there is always a family room. Much more items at disposal, usually sugar based! Biscuits, sweets, etc. Always milk. But if there wasn't that there, wouldn't that be awful?!
In desperate times, on a normal ward, if patient is stable, leave and find nearest cafe/fast food place/garage and replenish at will.
Don't necessarily tell anyone if patient is stable and not crying.
Go, eat, drink, then return.

JeremyZackHunt · 12/02/2016 00:23

DD was suddenly taken ill as I was cooking dinner when she was 2 and we went to A&E in the ambulance. I grabbed my handbag on the way out which had spare nappies, wipes and a small snack in as default.
We then spent 6 hours in an A&E cubicle (massive fuck up subject of a complaint) and the nurse got grumpy when I asked if DD could get some water. Not that a 40c temp needs fluids or anything
We were admitted to the ward in the early hours whereupon I had to order her breakfast. I was thirsty, hungry, tired and worried and it was awful. The tea making facility was off ward and I had to stay with dd. I had some water at 3am.
I had never been in hospital with a child (not even post birth) and had no idea what to do.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/02/2016 01:02

I think that's awful. Most wards have small areas with fridges and microwaves (at least here they do) and I've never had a problem when I've asked for some coffee or tea and most of the time I've been offered yoghurt or ice cream or some crackers or cookies. Once when my DH was hospitalized the nurse pointed the area out to me and said 'help yourself anytime'.

I think you must have just gotten someone in either a bad mood or at a bad time.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 12/02/2016 02:57

My DS is a frequent flyer on our local ward. We have a parents room with Tea and coffee in a plastic mug with s kid you can take in the ward. There is a night time emergency cupboard too full of crackers, beans, soup, microwaveable foods. Parents re-stock it and we have a contribution box for tea and coffee.
As soon as your child is settled you are offered a hot drink and usually something to eat.... If admitted at night. This could be that they know me now and know I probably haven't eaten!
Also DS is tube fed so they make me order food that he is entitled to for me to eat !
This is not a massive hospital either and there are vending machines around with sandwiches in and snacks !!!!

RedFlagsOnTheRight · 12/02/2016 03:23

Depends how busy they were. If they had lots of ill patients to monitor or notes to write up, the last thing they want to do is start making cups of tea for relatives.

Wasn't there a coffee/tea machine somewhere nearby?

Agree hospitals should have a 24hour cafe.

I don't think it's the nurses responsibility to bring you one though.

steff13 · 12/02/2016 03:53

I don't really understand why hospitals don't have a 24hr cafe. It doesn't need to posh or exciting, but surely there must be enough demand from staff on night shifts, patients/visitors staying up at all hours on the maternity ward, visitors to A&E and various other patients who are awake.

My local hospital has a little room on each floor with a fridge with various snacks, a hot water dispenser with instant coffee, tea bags, sugar, and creamer, and a selection of dry snacks like cereal bars, crackers, etc. And of course a water and ice dispenser. It's very nice. I recently spent the night with a friend at the hospital with her father after he'd had a stroke, and it was a Godsend.

mothersdaughter · 12/02/2016 04:44

Because there isn't enough money to keep beds open or services running anymore. 'Nice' stuff like cafes etc that respond to the needs of the patients and staff 24 hours a day are or will be a distant memory.

Chottie · 12/02/2016 06:07

When DGS was in hospital there was a parents room with tea / coffee / toaster and access to a fridge attached to the children' ward.

ProfYaffle · 12/02/2016 06:12

dh was in hospital 3 weeks ago, we were both offered tea and biscuits when he was having his pre-op checks and there always seems to be a stockpile of spare sandwiches for people who are unexpectedly unfed. Plus the hospital has one of those hot food vending machines available in the cafe 24hrs.

cantgonofurther · 12/02/2016 06:17

The hospital wards I have recently stayed on always put sandwiches in the fridge for patients to have outside meal times.
The hospital also has vending machines with hot meals.

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