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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds 11 teacher has just made me feel shit am I unreasonable homework related!!!!!

170 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 20:42

just come back from ds parent evening and I'm so annoyed. DS 11 is in year 6 and really struggles in school. He has been diagnosed with a processing condition linked to his speech and language which effects his reading, writing and understanding of things. He often gets confused and forgets things such as his reading books, home work book he is completely disoarganised and it is tiring and very frustrating for us both!!!!
Anyway I've literally just been interrogated by his teacher about when ds goes to bed and what days do we do his homework I.e reading, written task, spellings and times tables.
I admit we are not always on task as dh and I both work full time and have another ds to care for too. Evenings are normally hectic and a rush and the homework is normally given out on the Monday ready to be handed in on Friday so not great when everyone has had a hard day and are tired of an evening.
I feel for ds as he really struggles and often comes home tired and doesn't want to do it which leads to a melt down!!! DS normally goes to the library on a Monday with grandparents to do his homework ( written task). We then try and do spellings through out the week and occasional reading if he is not too tired although I prefer to do this at the weekend. His teacher basically made me feel like shit because he should be reading every day, should be doing spellings and needs to know his times tables. She asked me about his bedtime and I explained he goes to bed between 7.30-8pm but he shares with his brother so they normally get up to go toilet to have a drink etc and a chat. I can't help that I tell them off and one goes bed before the other but they do play up.
I'm just annoyed as I'm not a bad parent. I do care and worry for ds as he is behind. But I also think they get too much homework and they are over loaded. They need time to come home and switch off there needs to be a balance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 20:47

I just feel that there is a lot of pressure on them and parents due to the impending SATS!!! If he doesn't get the marks does this affect him or the school???

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 11/02/2016 20:48

Sorry I've not much sympathy I work 50 hours a week and DH more and we still make sure both kids have homework done. DS goes to Saturday school too so has double homework but you have to find the time especially as your son is struggling it's even more important

queenoftheworld93 · 11/02/2016 20:50

If he is behind at school then a couple of pieces of homework should be priority. Homework usually only reinforces previous learning so should be simple to complete as you don't have to teach it iyswim. It's understandable being tired on a Monday evening but they do have all week. The load will get much heavier at secondary so it's better he gets used to doing it now too.

YABU

ilovesooty · 11/02/2016 20:50

I don't think it's unreasonable for the teacher to try to establish whether his home environment is conducive to learning.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 20:51

It's not just about the time it's about giving them time to relax and process what they have learnt during the day. His home is always handed in, we do the spellings but we don't always read every day as he normally is too tired. I know they make him read twice a day in school which he always moans about. Sometimes I just read to him because I don't want him to enjoy it not see it as a chore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 20:54

Also there is mis communication where he doesn't understand and so I only get half the message of what we are supposed to be doing or he agrees to do it in homework club but doesn't. It's not that we aren't doing it or supporting him but it comes to a point where the extra things like times tables slide.

OP posts:
cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/02/2016 20:55

Sorry but I do think yabu. My youngest has some SEN and is behind it's a struggle but we read 5 times a week as well as spellings and he completes a 10 minute maths programme on the computer.

We don't do anything at weekends as that's purely down time but as he's behind it's as much our responsibility as the teachers to help move him forward.

Alambil · 11/02/2016 20:55

does he have any reasonable adjustments / EHCP / IEP ?

School should look at getting him a 1:1 scribe/reader for his lessons; they can also do this during the tests, but they'll need to start now, so that DS learns how to best use the person (as they aren't allowed to write any grammar etc in to answers that the child doesn't instruct them to do) - DS would have to learn to say, for example, "Capital T, This is my homework Full Stop" so the scribe could write it correctly.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 11/02/2016 20:55

We finish work later, pick DS up at 545 from school and still manage reading every day. He tends to read in the back of the car in the way home if we're running v late. He's 5. Reading is really essential imho. We do mental maths in the car too.

When he's tired and were reading a non school book, I'll read one page and he reads the next, perhaps that may help.

Where does he go after school, could he go to a childminder who'd do his homework or readin with him if you're very late?

CooPie10 · 11/02/2016 20:56

I think Yabu, she asked valid questions to determine the full picture. You know that you need to make reading a priority and currently he isn't doing enough. Don't get upset at the teacher, that's not going to help. Rather work on how more time will be made to help your ds.

Marniasmum · 11/02/2016 20:58

Sorry but I think you have to find a way to make things work.Your child will be starting secondary in September and there will be much more self-organisation and much more homework to cope with.In addition your child really needs to make up as much ground as he can before then.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 21:00

I know it's my responsibility but I feel he gets too much which is why sometimes we have to prioritise. It's hard to teach or support a child who tired, overloaded and doesn't want to do it. You cannot get the best out of them. There is so much pressure on children these days and even more pressure with SATS. We do a lot of the reading at the weekend to spread it out rather then during the week when he is tired.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/02/2016 21:01

The thing is though there'll be more work in secondary and he won't want to do that either.

CooPie10 · 11/02/2016 21:03

But what are you going to do when the workload gets much more when he gets to secondary school? You can't let things slide if he's too tired or there's no time to do it.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 11/02/2016 21:04

With my younger ds reading comes so naturally and so I can often get him to do it whilst I'm cooking tea. But ds 1 needs 1:1. If he is tired it is so disheartening as he just stumbles over every word and it ends in frustration and tears.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 11/02/2016 21:04

I also presume he will be going to secondary school in September? What he is currently being asked to do is not all that much for his age. My yr 1 daughter is expected to read, learn spellings and do one other homework task every week.
It's only going to get more as he gets older.
What have you put in place to help him be more organised so stuff doesn't get forgotten?

Passthecake30 · 11/02/2016 21:05

I do agree with you to some extent as in they get too much work...but it's life now I guess. BUT...myself and dp work FT and our son needs to put the extra time in at home as he is behind. As soon as I get in I sit with him and do spellings/reading/maths tues-thurs for about 45mins, then about 2hrs sat and just reading on a Sunday. First of all he kicked off but, so long as he gets his down time (literally 20mins on iPad tues-thurs) he has accepted the routine we have grown into... He wont do anything with dp so I just leave all the clearing up to him while I take over the school work, I know what I'd rather doSmile

clam · 11/02/2016 21:06

The teacher's only motivation is to help your ds achieve his potential. If she didn't bother, would you be OK with that?

SavoyCabbage · 11/02/2016 21:07

If he's too tired to do his reading then the teacher is right to enquire about his bedtime. My oldest needs much more sleep than my youngest. She is at secondary and is in bed by 8pm and reads for 20minutes.

clam · 11/02/2016 21:07

And sorry to be pedantic, but she didn't "make you" feel anything. She said what she said, and your reaction/feelings about it are to do with your own "stuff."

grannytomine · 11/02/2016 21:08

We asked school for spellings and maths on Friday so that was done over weekend. Then it was easier to do reading in the week.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/02/2016 21:09

I understand he's tired but little and often is the key IMO. 5 minutes of reading, couple of minutes to write out spellings and couple of minutes to recite one set of timetables each night is not a lot and doesn't need to even be done all at once. DS hates written homework so we spend a max of ten minutes on it at a time until it's done.

Break things down into smaller chunks and it will be manageable.

Maryz · 11/02/2016 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 11/02/2016 21:10

Your DS probably has the best part of 5 hours after school before bed, why can't you structure a regular half hour or hour every night where he does his homework? Say 5.30-6.30 then he can do what he likes before bed.
Spending every night battling it can't be fun for either of you but if he knows a certain time is homework time then it will help him to knuckle down.
Secondary school is going to be awful for him if you don't get this sorted.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/02/2016 21:11

Have a look at headsprout for reading OP. Your ds might be more motivated as it's on the computer and is great for kids who are struggling with reading.