Ds 11 teacher has just made me feel shit am I unreasonable homework related!!!!!

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

just come back from ds parent evening and I'm so annoyed. DS 11 is in year 6 and really struggles in school. He has been diagnosed with a processing condition linked to his speech and language which effects his reading, writing and understanding of things. He often gets confused and forgets things such as his reading books, home work book he is completely disoarganised and it is tiring and very frustrating for us both!!!!
Anyway I've literally just been interrogated by his teacher about when ds goes to bed and what days do we do his homework I.e reading, written task, spellings and times tables.
I admit we are not always on task as dh and I both work full time and have another ds to care for too. Evenings are normally hectic and a rush and the homework is normally given out on the Monday ready to be handed in on Friday so not great when everyone has had a hard day and are tired of an evening.
I feel for ds as he really struggles and often comes home tired and doesn't want to do it which leads to a melt down!!! DS normally goes to the library on a Monday with grandparents to do his homework ( written task). We then try and do spellings through out the week and occasional reading if he is not too tired although I prefer to do this at the weekend. His teacher basically made me feel like shit because he should be reading every day, should be doing spellings and needs to know his times tables. She asked me about his bedtime and I explained he goes to bed between 7.30-8pm but he shares with his brother so they normally get up to go toilet to have a drink etc and a chat. I can't help that I tell them off and one goes bed before the other but they do play up.
I'm just annoyed as I'm not a bad parent. I do care and worry for ds as he is behind. But I also think they get too much homework and they are over loaded. They need time to come home and switch off there needs to be a balance.

What support is he getting at school, and is the work set adapted to his SN? What assessments has he had?

A child in Y6 who is still struggling with reading needs something different - not just more of the same. If normal schoolwork and homework was going to be effective, it would have worked by now; the school has had 6 years to teach him to read.

Personally I'd be looking at some targeted activities to work on his weak points, and I would ditch the homework completely.

• her one - not heroine!

The homework isn't individualised not the written task which seems way too advanced and a waste of time but hey it needs to be handed in. The spellings are giving on a Monday with a test on a Friday again a pain as we have to keep going over them again and again. The reading is the one thing I want to concentrate on but everything else comes first because of deadlines and targets. I do get him to read alone but he needs 1:1 to ensure he has read correctly and understood. I just can't see how you can force a child to read when you know they too tired. Previous teachers have said to me stop if that's the case.

I have 2 DC with SN and my "average" DC require just as much input/hard work. We want all of our DC to achieve their maximum potential SN or not, surely.

Dickory I think you need to have another meeting with the teacher. It really doesn't sound as though they are accommodating your DS' needs at all and that's sadly all too common with DCs with learning difficulties.

Yes. It is very difficult for people to understand if their children dont struggle. Most standard advice would be to approach it as a behavioral issue which works well when itnis and it can be but when it is not, it is counterproductive and causes more anxiety in the child and can affect confidence. I 've even found some teachers to be rubbish and make things far worse. They are not gods. Have a bit of faith in your instincts and present it to the teacher or head as a strategy. Rope in an advocate if necessary (Parent Partnership is a local body that does this in our area).

I don't think YABU. I think it does sound a lot for him at present. It would at least help if the homework was given on a Fri to be done over the weekend. It must be really frustrating for him (and you both) to muddle through a schoolday then have to concentrate again at home. It's not condusive to effective learning for him imo.

I'd revisit the teacher with a "Look, I know you have his interests at heart but this just isn't working for him. Can we re-jig it slightly so he doesn't feel bombarded? Willing to work with you, but the balance doesn't feel right for him" kind of thing.

I would say just do your best. I would encourage him to read with you for ten minutes before bed. Teacher probably doesn't want to make you feel shit. I am a teacher myself. I do my best with my dd and homework but there are certainly nights when we are all too knackered and busy to do it. In an ideal world where we didn't have to work full time, shop, cook and clean in the evening etc yes we would plan homework time, sporting activities, family meals etc etc. However life for most people isn't like that, just do your best. If you think that you possibly could do more on some nights then do it. If there are nights when all you can do is get the kids fed, washed and in bed then that's also fine. It is however true that when he gets to secondary more will be expected of him. If you think his special needs makes the homework unmanageable for him, get in early with discussions about what he can and can't manage. It may be that at secondary he will be able to do more over the weekend.

I have a child with SEN (who goes to a SS). Homework does not work for him. He needs time to unwind from the stresses of the school day and is totally reluctant to do homework/reading/spelling. We have a go at it on a Monday and a Wednesday (mostly) and we leave it at that. I don't believe that pressurising him into spending more time on academic work at home will improve his learning, I think it may well do the opposite.
Could you think of parents evening as the start of a dialogue about homework with school? There are definitely ways to get round the communication issues about what the homework is. Can you talk to school about DS being overloaded? Could he get an extension on homework deadlines so he can do the work at the weekends? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask the school to make adjustments to homework to better fit in with the needs of your son.

Doing homework that is way too hard for him is just a complete waste of valuable time that could be spent helping him to master basic, essential skills. I agree with others that you should prioritise reading. Where we disagree is on the other homework; I would only do those bits of it you judge to be useful and appropriate.

Tbh you need to get a bit bolshy with the school. They're not supporting him adequately. He's not getting the help he needs. I'm all for parents supporting schools but if teaching professionals have failed to teach your son to read properly after more than 6 years of compulsory schooling then shifting the blame to parents is just not on. Your DS needs proper support for his SN.

YANBU
It's all too much, it's horrid how much is expected from primary school kids these days. I didn't ever have homework in primary school. They eased us into it at secondary and we were fine. I don't remember my mother ever worrying about getting me to read/do spellings/tables.
My eldest is in Y4 and i just loathe how much of her time is taken up with homework when I feel she should be exploring her own interests.
We struggle with reading, she has two younger sisters, it's difficult.

Ok well if the homework is beyond his understanding then I would just hand it back with a note saying as much, I have done in the past. Does he get any additional support at school?

You're approaching it negatively and there is no pattern, so it's hardly surprising he is kicking against it all. It might make you feel like crying to watch him read but if you help him approach it like a positive thing, then it will be easier. It will definitely make you feel like crying if you have him kicking against every piece of homework throughout primary.

Alternatively you could be really bold. You are saying you want to concentrate on reading, I would throw in some maths (times tables, number bonds). Go to the teacher and say he can only do 10 minutes (or 20 or whatever you think he can) a day. Use those for reading and numbers alone. Tell them no more homework or spellings will be forthcoming. At secondary this won't work, but it might give him a break now and he can concentrate on the most important thing, the reading.

It's been an ongoing battle since year one. We were referred back to SALT in year 4 who basically said he hadn't made much progress and needed extra support. They put strategies in place but because he can talk they discharged him and handed it over to the school. I then begged for an ed psych referral where he diagnosed ds with a speech and language delay particularly in processing. He does small group work, precision teaching for spellings and 3 point reading method. He will be having a maths intervention lesson and will have someone reading during his maths test but not the reading test during his SATS. He has to use a dictaphone during class and has a visual time table. Spot on I completely understand it's so hard. I've thought about extra tuition but the educational psychiatrist said it would be too much.

You have repeatedly said that your DS gets "tired", yet get pissed off that the teacher asked you about his sleeping times? Eh?

Mistigr

Tbh you need to get a bit bolshy with the school. They're not supporting him adequately. He's not getting the help he needs. I'm all for parents supporting schools but if teaching professionals have failed to teach your son to read properly after more than 6 years of compulsory schooling then shifting the blame to parents is just not on. Your DS needs proper support for his SN

I agree 100%

Dickory we could easily share a DS! Mine has spent 2 years in a speech and language unit - meaning he effectively missed year 1&2 of "normal" school. He struggled to catch up and is still behind, now also in year 6. The school day really drains him, he is worried sick about his SATs but his teacher is applying for him to be given extra time to complete the exams. It's easy for people to say that homework should be prioritised, but unless you deal with it day in day out you can't understand.

YANBU and your school should be more supportive imo.

Can I also ask if everyone else's children get homework every holiday??? We even had it over Christmas. They just don't get a break I really do worry for children who do struggle there is just no down time.

Alice if Dickorys DS is like mine, it's a mental tired - not a lie down and go to sleep tired.

AliceInUnderpants - a child with a processing disorder will get tired at school, just from following and filtering what is going on around them, organising their work, etc. They will be exhausted at the end of the day, and are likely to be very slow to settle, particularly to written work. A school should be understanding and accommodating that, with reduced but targeted homework. If the teacher has read the first thing about processing issues, he or she should understand that. The teacher should also understand that working with a parent on coming up with the right solutions for a child is perhaps not best achieved by queries about the child's home life. It sounds to me like the teacher isn't engaging with the child's educational interests but is blaming the parents.

That would annoy me Alice as a responsible parent. I would feel very patronised. Children get tired for lots of reasons besides not sleeping. A child with learning difficulties would easily get tired from a normal school day as they have to put in 3 the effort. A good teacher should see that

It's heartbreaking Olivia isn't it. If he doesn't hand in the written task, perform in spellings he loses his break times hence why they have became a priority over the reading which doesn't come with a penalty price if he doesn't do it!!! It's so frustrating.

Could you do reading in the morning when he's fresh? Also, don't just read reading book but try fun things like comics, magazine - football? Thunderbirds? - or things like a joke book or diary of a wimpy kid that is more fun.

I think it's outrageous to penalise a child for not performing in their spellings test. Is that normal practice?