Ds 11 teacher has just made me feel shit am I unreasonable homework related!!!!!

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

just come back from ds parent evening and I'm so annoyed. DS 11 is in year 6 and really struggles in school. He has been diagnosed with a processing condition linked to his speech and language which effects his reading, writing and understanding of things. He often gets confused and forgets things such as his reading books, home work book he is completely disoarganised and it is tiring and very frustrating for us both!!!!
Anyway I've literally just been interrogated by his teacher about when ds goes to bed and what days do we do his homework I.e reading, written task, spellings and times tables.
I admit we are not always on task as dh and I both work full time and have another ds to care for too. Evenings are normally hectic and a rush and the homework is normally given out on the Monday ready to be handed in on Friday so not great when everyone has had a hard day and are tired of an evening.
I feel for ds as he really struggles and often comes home tired and doesn't want to do it which leads to a melt down!!! DS normally goes to the library on a Monday with grandparents to do his homework ( written task). We then try and do spellings through out the week and occasional reading if he is not too tired although I prefer to do this at the weekend. His teacher basically made me feel like shit because he should be reading every day, should be doing spellings and needs to know his times tables. She asked me about his bedtime and I explained he goes to bed between 7.30-8pm but he shares with his brother so they normally get up to go toilet to have a drink etc and a chat. I can't help that I tell them off and one goes bed before the other but they do play up.
I'm just annoyed as I'm not a bad parent. I do care and worry for ds as he is behind. But I also think they get too much homework and they are over loaded. They need time to come home and switch off there needs to be a balance.

I would ask the teacher if the homework is differentiated (ie is it geared towards your son's needs, or is it simply the same homework for all)

How is it marked? How is it assessed?

You may gather I personally think homework is a total waste of time (at this age) and generally is handed out as just another pointless piece of paperwork.

Decent homework is a follow on from work in the classroom and a child will be able to do it themselves without help/support from an adult.

However, having said all this...by Year 6 a child should know their times tables. I would prioritise this and get it nailed (the way you would potty train). In fact, I would treat this with the highest of priority.

That's why I feel crap my children have 100% attendance, they go to bed at 8 even at the weekends although they do chat as they share a room which obviously isn't helping him If I could afford another room I would!!! Homework is always handed in on time except where there has been confusion relating to ds or him forgetting to bring things home etc. I attend every parent meeting, have demanded extra support and referrals for ds despite teachers saying give it time yet my instincts have proved right. I don't consider myself to be an uncaring or disinterested parent. But I felt so patronised today. And each time it was in his SATS he needs to do this and get that.

He has to stay in and relearn them if he hasn't scored above 5.

SATs are all about the school - not our DCs.

It's all very well people saying they should know their times tables and how important this and that is - when speech and language is involved the most important thing is that! Until s&l is sorted, it effects your reading and spelling, it also tends to come with dyspraxia and other problems with fine motor skills. Dickory I totally understand where you're coming from whereas I don't think a lot on here do.

My DS loses break/lunch time and "golden time" if reading isn't done every day and homework isn't handed in on time, last week he brought home 8 a4 pages of worksheets to do.

Thankyou Olivia it is nice to speak to someone who understands where I'm coming from. I feel angry that I didn't stand up for myself and my ds.

Ours lose playtime for no homewrok. Try and talk to the teacher about replacing the homework with reading and times tables, those are going to be important for secondary school, useful for your son and help the school in their all important SATS. His homework drawings of a Roman soldier combined with a poem about Victorian schools won't.

This is why I really object to homework. We get ours done but one of my DCs has processing issues and it's hard work and I think often counterproductive. I don't work so I don't have that layer of difficulty on top of everything else. Homework works for some people's lifestyles but for many it is really really difficult.

Hi OP, sorry to hear your ds is finding school such a struggle. I'm no expert in these matters, my ds is much younger but had speech and language issues including at times a verbal tic. I've seen quite a few studies/recommendations of omega 3 supplements being of benefit to learning and concentration. I give them to my ds and I do think they help as I notice the deterioration when we have a break from the supplements. Might be worth a try.

Tiggy they are used to set initial sets and predicted GCSE results, but this changes quite quickly once in high school, my DS1 is in year 8. Not achieving high results in SATs doesn't mean they will get bad GCSEs.

Also this current year 6 are at a distinct disadvantage with the SATs due to change in curriculum - DS2s teacher openly admits that some of the material in the tests haven't been covered by the previous curriculum. So when you have a child like my DS who has missed a large chunk of it already - SATs mean nothing.

T1 I don't work either, but what is set as 30 mins homework for the rest of the class can take my DS a couple hours, it's frustrating for him and for me.

Crikey - I really feel for you and your DS. It sounds as though the school really haven't taken his needs into account and it sounds as though you really are doing your best.

With regard to the times tables, can you get a CD that you could play quietly at bedtime so they go to sleep listening to it? It's one way of helping them learn them without actually having to do any work!

If you can, I would go back to the school and speak to them again about his needs and what and how much he can be expected to do at home. I would go as far as to argue that keeping him in at break times to re-learn his spellings is discrimination since they haven't taken account of his needs and made reasonable adjustments. I'd imagine it is actually counter-productive since he'll need some downtime during the day.

Good luck. I hope things get easier for you both.

Yabu

We both work full time and have 2 DC who need support with homework, reading, spellings, and maths each week.

It all gets done , and I have fibromyalgia .

It's really common for kids with processing disorders/sensory disorders/ASD etc to need to come home and switch off. I think people with neurotypical kids really can't understand that, because it's more than being tired. It's being utterly overloaded.

Have you talked to the school about a homework club? Is the Teaching Advisory Service, or whatever they call it in your area, involved?

It's really hard, but if they want homework done to the level they are asking then they may need to look at some of it being completed in school, as a reasonable adjustment. It does happen in many schools.

Olivia - having an Ed Pysch assessment has helped us a bit, in terms of being able to be clear that he can't do the work in the given time and we've been told to give him 40 minutes (it's supposed to take half an hour) and stop him then. Problem is we could easily have 45 minutes of bumwriggling before a word goes down on paper.

Dickory just a thought but do you have a trampoline or similar? The only way I could get my DS to learn his tables was to shout them out while bouncing.

I understand OP a child who's struggling at school is even more tired and needs their down-time even more, and a "5 minute" homework can take 2 hours in the hands of a resistant child. I've been there. It ruins the previous time you have with your child and your whole relationship when you have to constantly nag to do something they hate.

My tips - honestly? If you can find an independent school that specialises in teaching children with moderate learning difficulties (dyslexia specialists will deal with processing disorders) and you can even vaguely afford it, pull him out and move him to a school where they actually get the important stuff done during the day. I did this and asked my son's wonderful senco what I should be doing to help him get on and she said - just keep reading to him. He's come on leaps and bounds and absolutely does manage secondary school homework now he's in control.

That isn't entirely true. The SATS results of the entire year group will be reported in relation to the school as a whole but individual SATS results also follow a child right through secondary school as well.
I have a child in Year 10 and even now their GCSE predictions are directly related to their Year 6 SATS and the progress they need to have made between Year 6 and Year 11 to be considered on track. In many schools SATS are also the starting point for initial setting and expectations.

This misses the point. Every child needs to be working at a level suitable for them as an individual. It is no use the OPs DS working himself to a frazzle to get amazing SATs results if all that will mean is that he will be working at a level that is too advanced for him at secondary school. He'll simply struggle there as well.

OP, what's your childcare between end of school and you and your DH getting home?

Oh, and I agree to ignore the responses on here and ask in SEN. Amazing how confident people are when giving definite opinions on topics about which they know nothing.

In case it's helpful, there is a piece written by Dr Attwood on homework and kids with HFA, called, Should Children With ASD Be Exempted From Homework? I appreciate your child doesn't have ASD, but some of the stresses and additional stimulation may be similar. Maybe you could suggest the staff take a look?

(Not the helpful recent ones, sorry - as ever on MN threads move too fast to comment on recent posts with any safety!)

Can you push his bedtime later? 8pm sounds really early at that age - DD goes to bed at 8, has done for a couple of years, and she's just turned 4.

individual SATS results also follow a child right through secondary school as well

Two of my DC didn't do SATS. Even the one that did sit them went to a senior school where CATS results were used rather than SATS.

Dickory, it is very hard, I know. What many people don't appreciate is that a child with SEN has to work much harder to obtain the same result as their peers. Their true intelligence can be masked by the SEN, and this can be hugely demoralising for them.

Could you ask the teacher to email you with confirmation of the homework each week, to avoid the confusion?

If your older DC went to bed a little later, would this give a chance for the younger one to fall asleep, first? Perhaps that extra half an hour could be used for reading time. Some of the suggestions here are good. You could read more to him, or try page and page about? Also, reading together, (so you both say the words out loud at the same time) can work quite well.

Have a look at Toe by Toe. I did this with DS, and it really seemed to improve his reading age very quickly.

Could a tutor help? DD2 went to a tutor (a retired teacher) who helped her with her spellings and maths each week. She also did fun stuff - DD2 is good at geometry, so she would pop some of that in, which was very encouraging for DD, to see something she really could do well.

Just some ideas. They might not work, but they're things that have worked with my DC.