Ds 11 teacher has just made me feel shit am I unreasonable homework related!!!!!

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

just come back from ds parent evening and I'm so annoyed. DS 11 is in year 6 and really struggles in school. He has been diagnosed with a processing condition linked to his speech and language which effects his reading, writing and understanding of things. He often gets confused and forgets things such as his reading books, home work book he is completely disoarganised and it is tiring and very frustrating for us both!!!!
Anyway I've literally just been interrogated by his teacher about when ds goes to bed and what days do we do his homework I.e reading, written task, spellings and times tables.
I admit we are not always on task as dh and I both work full time and have another ds to care for too. Evenings are normally hectic and a rush and the homework is normally given out on the Monday ready to be handed in on Friday so not great when everyone has had a hard day and are tired of an evening.
I feel for ds as he really struggles and often comes home tired and doesn't want to do it which leads to a melt down!!! DS normally goes to the library on a Monday with grandparents to do his homework ( written task). We then try and do spellings through out the week and occasional reading if he is not too tired although I prefer to do this at the weekend. His teacher basically made me feel like shit because he should be reading every day, should be doing spellings and needs to know his times tables. She asked me about his bedtime and I explained he goes to bed between 7.30-8pm but he shares with his brother so they normally get up to go toilet to have a drink etc and a chat. I can't help that I tell them off and one goes bed before the other but they do play up.
I'm just annoyed as I'm not a bad parent. I do care and worry for ds as he is behind. But I also think they get too much homework and they are over loaded. They need time to come home and switch off there needs to be a balance.

sleeponeday I do not need to "google Zika", thanks for your unwanted condescension. I happen to be a molecular biologist and a midwife, with a particular interest in Zika due to its relevance, and I am well informed about it. I am also quite mystified as what exactly were you trying to get to with that random comment.

I am also perfectly happy with you disagreeing with me and having an interesting argument about it. But if you get a high by telling people how "ignorant" "and "utter fools" they are just because of their opinion I am pretty sure a discussion with you is pretty useless anyway.

And no, I am not saying any of the things you seemed to infer from my post. Try again. Or don't.

I think sleeponeday has a very good point. You posted that picture to be inflammatory, (I can't think of any other reason) not thinking that a child in the developing world with the particular condition that OP's child has might not be be doing homework on the street - might not be able to, might not be inclined to. It was just nasty to post that picture, and write what you did, and you know it.

I didn't realise it would come across as nasty, I apologize if that's the impression it gave. What I could see in the OP's post is a mother who had a "too busy and hectic" life to dedicate the time her DS needs to do his homework and improve himself, especially when he has some special education requirements. The image was intended to show that, even in the worst adversity, where there is a will, there is a way.

Thanks for bringing your point to attention without insulting, Under.

'I didn't realise it would come across as nasty, I apologize if that's the impression it gave.'

It's interesting that you didn't realise how glib and simplistic your response was. 'Where there's a will there's a way' falls into the same category.
Sometimes there isn't a solution to make someone who is ND achieve in an environment designed entirely for the NT.
Unless you meant that the teacher should be adapting to the student's needs? Which many of us have agreed with.

YANBU my DD has dyspraxia which sounds like some similar symptoms to your DS. By the time she got home she was too exhausted so usually tried in the morning along with my DS. If we got it done great, if not we didn't. Rest time is really important to lower stress and allow kids to be kids.

I am astonished that a medical professional like aurynne has so little awareness of learning disabilities. I guess this more than anything else on this thread illustrates how little understanding there is among people not personally or professional involved with special needs, and shows what a mountain children with "invisible" disabilities have to climb.

Medicine is a very big field.
Am I surprised that a scientist/medical professional with no children appears to lack empathy, knowledge of a specific area or understanding of the frustrations of dealing with an inflexible educational system?
No.

Back to the thread.
The teacher needs to make reasonable accommodations for the child to be able to do homework at some level. That means differentiated tasks and more flexibility about when the homework is set.

Mistigri and those disabilities don't go away on adulthood. Those children who had to work hard at school still have to work harder in the real world yet face discrimination in the work place.

He's just not getting the help that he needs, is he?

I think that homework on Monday to hand in Friday sounds great tbh.

But he should either be getting stuff tailored to him, or more time if he is expected to do it all.

But really working a lot at a weekend wouldn't be much fun for him either, would it?

I'd rather do it at the weekend just so he has time to unwind and can consolidate his learning from during the week without feeling overloaded.

Well, you need to prioritise. Reading, spellings and basic maths are what you need to concentrate on. Also, boost his confidence making it playful and modelling as much as you can with objects and pictures (diagrams etc)

Spellings: What you are doing with the spellings is spot on.

For maths, use objects too so he can investigate the times table - coins/lego/straws. If his homework is too hard, sit with him and use objects and pictures to show him how to find the answers. It might feel like you are cheating, but you are not - you're modelling it to him. As he goes on he'll become more confident and independent. Stop when he looses concentration. He'll probably need little mini breaks because processing will be using lots more energy for him than other children. Little and often is the key. Don't do more than 5-10 mins at a time. Split the homework into chunks and do a bit each day.

Reading - have you got books at the right level? He should not be getting so stressed with it. Ask the school to send home books better suited to his level. To boost his confidence, sound words out with him until he gets better at it. With homework take a similar approach. Make it playful and model anything he struggles with.

Writing - this will be very hard for him at the moment because of his reading level and concentration level. Keep it short and sweet. Use story mapping to talk through what he's going to write and get him to talk it to you, you can then write what he says on a piece of paper and he can copy it in to his book. Get him to add the punctuation on your bit first. This isn't cheating, it's modelling and the best way to get him going and make him more confident.

I'd ask for homework on the friday to be handed in on friday too - so you can do the little and often appraoch

Does your school run a homework club? That might help.

I find routine really helps. For reading I'd get him up to bed 15 minutes earlier and set that as time for reading.

Times tables - get squeebles app (times tables 2 or maths race are my favourite) for your phone or tablet. They make it fun. My DC 11 and 9, have to do 10 minutes practice before any screen time is allowed. We also use Squeebles spelling app, the dc put the spellings in, record sentences, then I check them. We practice every morning.

It will pay dividends to get this sorted now, as there will be more homework in year 7.

I sympathise as it sounds like he gets a lot of homework. My dds are at secondary school now but when at primary school it was the school policy to always give us the weekend to do homework and spellings. During the week we therefore only had to do reading so we just did half enough before bedtime.

DD had one teacher who refused to do this though and would give homework on Tuesday and expect it back in on Thursday. I remember telling her that we didn't have time as I worked, dd didn't get home until 6 and then needed to have tea, piano lesson etc. She was totally unsympathetic and I remember being very annoyed.

enough an hour

As a teacher I can't express how important is for your child to read and to read often. Every study done under the sun has shown a massive correlation between the amount of time a child reads and their academic success.

However, with that said, your son's homework should be reflective of his ability and should also take into account his learning difficulties. I therefore recommend that you book an appointment with your son's class teacher and go into the meeting with a calm attitude and with the mindset that both you and the teacher will be working together for what's best for your son.

Please don't go in all guns blazing though. We teachers really do want the best for all of our children and I often worry about them long after the school day has finished. We really don't stop and it's not uncommon for us to work 80 hours a week. The record for me is 102 hours thus far, so the last thing we need is a parent making us feel terrible when we're already under enough pressure from senior management and the government.

Go in with the right attitude and I'm sure your son's class teacher will be fair and reasonable. We all want what's best for your son after all. I'd start by asking the teacher how long they expect your son to be working, and then set a timer for your son. You stop the timer when it's up and then you write on his homework this is what he was able to produce in x amount of time and then sign it.

This will give your son's teacher a better idea of what is reasonable and they will be able to make any adjustments if they are necessary.

I was going to recommend you send your son to a homework club but saw that you mentioned that he already attends one. If that is the case, then why isn't he completing his homework there? Is it because he doesn't have enough time or because he chooses not to? Or is it because the staff running the club aren't helpful enough or aren't supervising him enough?

In my experience the staff at clubs are very helpful (I used to run one when I was a Teaching Assistant), but they won't force children who don't want to be there or who don't want to do the work. Does your son want to be at homework club and does he want to do his work?

As for time tables, there are lots of fun ways to learn them. If you look on YouTube there are lots of songs tailored around the tables that are based on popular songs like Meghan Trainor's All about that Bass.