To want to do the things I've always wanted to do now I'm retired and not give DC house deposit money

[Mumcouchtotri]

I've worked for over 35 years. I've recently retired and finally I have a reasonable income (34kk - I still have to pay income tax on that and have a few btl that give no income now but should do in 3-5 years when mortgages are paid off) considering I have no mortgage or debt outstanding. I have two DC (23 and 26) who both live in the south east. Iknow theybwould like s house, but I've said I won't be able to help them st all. I think all help ends at 18, now I want to enjoy my life - go on cruises , have a new CSR etc. Just simple stuff like that that I've never done.

It does seem most of their friends are getting help from parents. But surely not all? Your responsibility with a child ends financially once they are an adult working full time?

I'm not really getting this thread. Is the OP just showing off? And what is a ? Sorry to be so thick.

I honestly think you could compromise. DH and I are mid 50s and our children are a little bit younger than yours. We have had not a penny from our parents. My mother and stepfather live the high life to the point I think where there will be nothing left. DH's parents led very much the low life and his mother has an extraordinary amount of money in the bank. A little bit of me does resent the fact that neither side has ever been generous to us and it's not because we have ever needed it either but a generosity of spirit that has been missing from the relationship that has extended to money.

We therefore wish to help our children as much as we can. Like you OP, we have a few buy to lets, etc., but the first two (modest) properties we bought were bought in trust for the children. That's what you do isn't it if you can; you secure the future of your children first? If we had to (and we won't) in 10/20 years I think it would be entirely natural to us to maintain our standard of living but downsize to a smaller property releasing capital to pass on.

In your shoes and I'm not so I can't tell and I don't know how much capital you really have, I'd be transferring a couple of your buy to lets to your children which would be beneficial for tax planning and would help and support them at a time when things are very tough for young people. I say that as part of the very last baby boomer wave - the benefit of that final wave has to pass to the next generation(s) - no? It's what loving families do I think.

agree with Fairycake - the OP's position to me was hard-hearted and selfish.

I think DCs have a horribly tough climb ahead of them, and any parent who thinks their job is done when the kids are 18 is pretty shitty in my view.

My parents loaned me some money but also had it written down by a solicitor that if I sold house before paying back they were entitled to a certain percentage (if I sold with a profit )

Would you consider something like that?

Certainly our generation will never experience a retirement like that of the baby boomers.

Thanks all for the replies, I've read every one.

I think of is too soon to make any decisions, I'll just keep hold and see how things pan out. (-:

I don't own my own house and won't do until i am at least in my 40s but don't think I would want to take money from my mum for a deposit. She worked so hard bringing us up on her own after my dad died and she deserves to spend her money on whatever she wants. I'd rather she spent it on a cruise than my house. I don't think yabu at all, I think the expectation of people having to buy is unreasonable.

I for one don't think you sounds selfish and silly as Paddletonio insists.

My parents are of the babyboom generation but certainly didn't 'have it easy' imho. We will never buy, but I wouldn't want to. My parents between them have, in the last 5 months or so, had trips to: SA, Oz twice, USA and two to EU to visit me. I'm very, very happy for them. When they're here they buy groceries, treat us for lunch, give ds a go on the mechanical toys outside the supermarket

But gifts of large wodges of cash? No, and I'd feel very uncomfortable at 41 receiving any. Perhaps I have hang-ups? We are saving for ds for driving lessons and the cost of university but that's as far as we're going to go. We aren't high earners and both had jobs by 15 saving money.

I don't think my parents should compensate us for our life choices.

OP, as others have said, it is your choice. I don't think that you should go without the holidays and other things you want , in order to give your adult children a lump sum for a deposit. Once you've had the opportunity to enjoy your first couple of years retirement you may have a rethink, especially when your btl are paid off. You could maybe then offer to match what they save themselves but only if you want.I suppose it also depends on how your children are with money themselves. Many moons ago when I was saving for my first house I hardly went out, didn't have a car or go on holidays. It was just saving and my wedding which my parents paid mostly for was a lovely but small affair.

Presumably the children will inherit your house and the BTL properties when you die? If so, where's the issue?

I inherited £10k when my mum died (not wealthy obvs), and it was an unexpected gift. Giving adult kids money for house deposits is a new thing and I don't think it's that common outside wealthy middle class (property owning) families.

Enjoy your retirement OP.

Also I think it depends what help you have already given. Did you pay driving lessons and first car, fees for university accommodation , specialist hobby fees etc

If not you are a bit mean really

wine that was what my
husband's parents did.

baby boomers
That didn't take long

Yes ilovesooty, I thought that too.

My cousin's ex H thinks the same as you. We are all in agreement that he's a selfish arse and too hard on his boys. He has quite a few BTL as well and charged them rent to live in one while they were at Uni. He's the same as you, believes his responsibilities towards them end at 18. His good relationship with his sons is deteriorating rapidly.

Of course it's up to you but I don't believe that responsibilities end at age 18, certainly not these days when it's so hard to get established and get on the property ladder. It's a very old fashioned view to my mind.

This threads a load of shite. A deliberate attempt to be inflammatory and Im reporting it.

You're in an extremely fortunate position, being able to take early retirement and being relatively wealthy. I know you don't have to help your DCs, but I'm really surprised you don't want to.

There's some truth in the baby boomers thing! They had periods of cripplingly high interest rates (which I don't envy at all), but they're the only generation (those who worked and had property) to really have benefited from both FSB pensions and property price increases. Nowadays it's extremely tough to buy property without significant help, and saving for retirement will take more and more of everyone's income.

To echo what some others have said, working for 35 years is not that much, you're very lucky. I've already been working for 19 years and expect to have at least another 25-30 years ahead of me. And that's with parental help with our property.

Your choice.

Our choice will be to help our dc if we are able to.

Giving, receiving, borrowing, expecting money almost always causes some kind of balls up within families at some point. DH and I do not share our financial situation with anyone and that will also include DS when he is an adult.

It is entirely up to people what they do with their money, this is for a house deposit for your DC it's not as if they can't eat because they are so hard up.

My Mother is really very well off and gives nothing to any of her DC. A couple of my siblings really struggle with this fact, I'm just shoulder shrugging over it all. DH has helped out his parents, he has given his Mother a few thousand so she can buy a car recently.

I wish I had that sort of money. My doc would be the priority if I had.

Though I don't share your views, I do understand them.

As PPs said there is no right or wrong.

There's a balance to be had, if possible, between enjoying your retirement and helping the children you love so much.

We won't give our dc so much money that it leaves us high and dry but we will accept we can't do exactly what we want in our retirement.

What I'd love to do is put all our money into a gorgeous central London flat and spend my last 20 years going to the theatre and eating out, but that would suck up all our money! So we can't do that, we'll have to downsize and/or move out of London to release money for the dc.

A lot of us are lucky enough to have good assets on the back of the very system which is now disadvantaging our children.

Yes, this hesterton. Good for you for spelling it out. Fundamentally, people in OPs position need to understand that if you have several BTLs, you may be part of the reason your children can't buy anywhere without your help. Actions have consequences. I have no wish to turn this into a discussion about whether landlords are all eebil or not, or the morals of those concerned, whether it's better or worse than foreigners buying all the houses etc, because it doesn't actually matter here. People have done what they felt it best to do, as they are entitled to do and as OP is, and this has contributed to the set of circumstances we now find ourselves in.

And fair play OP, I stand corrected about the one post thing!

I don't really care if OP is just trying to wind people up. I think it's an interesting question.

I think it's awful that society is developing an expectation that the older generation will prop up the younger in property ownership. I bet everyone on this thread deploring the OPs selfishness also hates how high property prices have become. Partly fuelled by a culture of first time buyers relying on the bank of mum and dad.

In any case the OP is young (I think) and could easily live for 20-30 years, could need expensive care home in the future. So will need to hang on to her money.

Why shouldn't we all get to enjoy life a bit? Fruits of our labours etc.

My parents didn't help me past 21 when I left home for good. They put me through private and then university education. They were not rich and made sacrifices to do this. I lived reasonably frugally in my twenties not renting flash flat to live in just scummy house shares. Not travelling. Worked my ass off in a professional job. Bought my home before I turned 30.

It has not occurred to me that my parents should have helped me out . Dm retired at 60, df is now nearly 70 still working. They are going in 'bucket list' holidays to far flung places, drive a flash car and eat out many nights a week and go on mini breaks to their favourite uk haunts.

I don't expect to have it so good when I retire but I don't begrudge my parents. I hope to raise my own dc to feather their own nest and hopefully enjoy a taste of the good life myself when I'm older.

And of course its people having BTLs that is making it harder for my generation (I'm 32) to buy! We were very grateful to have help from parents-in-law. Mine not able to help. Without that, despite working very hard in good jobs we'd not have bought till in our 40s.I think I read that we'll be the first generation to be worse off than our parents! Just had DC1 and cannot imagine not wanting to help (if I am able) at any point. FWIW my mum is nearly 60, in a very tough financial position and still gets help from her parents!

My parents have "a few" btl properties, and never helped me or my brother financially... until they realised that the reason we can't afford a mortgage deposit is because we're the paying hugely over the odds to live in btls just like theirs.
Not to try make you feel bad OP, but this point certainly changed my parents opinion and they had a year without cruises to top up what we'd been saving to make our 10% for a help to buy deposit.
I'm forever grateful to them, and now pay the same amount each month on a mortgage for a house with a garden than I was for rent on a 2 bed apartment... With £150 a month left over to start paying them back!
As others have said, it's totally your choice and there is no obligation... But maybe have a think about how things are so different these days, and why?