To want to do the things I've always wanted to do now I'm retired and not give DC house deposit money

[Mumcouchtotri]

I've worked for over 35 years. I've recently retired and finally I have a reasonable income (34kk - I still have to pay income tax on that and have a few btl that give no income now but should do in 3-5 years when mortgages are paid off) considering I have no mortgage or debt outstanding. I have two DC (23 and 26) who both live in the south east. Iknow theybwould like s house, but I've said I won't be able to help them st all. I think all help ends at 18, now I want to enjoy my life - go on cruises , have a new CSR etc. Just simple stuff like that that I've never done.

It does seem most of their friends are getting help from parents. But surely not all? Your responsibility with a child ends financially once they are an adult working full time?

Well I'm looking forward to my kids looking after ME! DH and I both 50 living in rented accommodation as never been able to get on property ladder, no savings, my parents house sold to pay for my father's care home (all gone after 10+ years). I'm on zero hours contract and my other half has retired through Ill health and has a pension that doesn't even pay our rent each month. We aren't going to be able to give our kids ANYTHING for university, deposits etc... It's every man and woman for themselves!

Agree it cuts both ways.

My parents have been generous with their money early on, which means that when the time comes, I will be able to extend and adapt my home for their needs and they move in with us instead of a nursing home. And probably spend their money on care workers, not cruises.

You must be awfully bored today OP.

Well, I'll leave you to your little game, but I must say, I think you're a bit intellectually challenged because your tale has more holes than swiss cheese, and you really haven't put much work into your little story.

Try harder next time.

Aren't baby boomers a bit older than 55?

YANBU, it's up to you what you do with your money. I disagree that once they turn 18 then that's it. I will always try to help out my dc, I can't imagine them turning 18 and then saying to them "you're on your own".

DH and I bought our house when we were ( and we still are) in our mid 40s- we saved and saved we will be paying it off when we retire. Its a small flat so not even a house ! We work bloody hard and I would love to do some travelling when and if we can afford it - but our dds are a long way off uni and we will look at that as and when we get to it. My parents are the ones MN hates - worked hard , own house, paid all taxes etc and are living off what they deserve ( IMO) , They are having to pay for care home for one as has dementia and the state support both financially and mentally is a complete and utter joke ... So any plans they might have had of leaving me anything will have well gone . .. OP do what you want to whilst you can as in a few years you might not be able to . Enjoy life while you can . You can help in otherways as and when needed!

I hope to help mine. Just because we live in SE and it's extremely hard for young people now. It isn't the same situation as when my dm was young or when I was young. I personally couldn't harp on about my brand new car, giant tv and latest cruise whilst my dc and their families were living in damp, overcrowded, insecure conditions, like my dsis does. But each to their own.

I have friends who got help with deposits in their early twenties. That extra ten years of paying off a mortgage made a massive difference to their future financial stability.

I never asked my parents for help with buying a house. They couldn't have easily managed it anyway, although they might have tried - my Mum used to help my sister with her mortgage repayments when she was in serious difficulties (Mum was being given money by her own Dad as a tax-free gift prior to his eventual death so she used that) - but I was never, luckily, in need of it.

Bugger, pressed post too soon - meant to say that "it's your choice, and if you have plans for the money, not least of which is needing to live on something yourself now you're not working! - then that's fine"

Thanks Whirly - I thought it sounded highly unusual but didn't know the maths.

I'd like to help my children. But hey ho, horses for courses.

You don't have to help your children. So yanbu.

But... working for over 30 years?! Woweee

I am 34 and worked a minimum of 12 hours a week since I was 14. By your reckoning I should be expecting to retire and cast of my dc at the grand old age of 45.

I speak as someone whose parents helped both her an a sibling with a deposit in our late 20ies. There is little way we could have afforded to buy without it. My dad retired at 54 on a very good pension, he just took out a small mortgage in an existing property to get the capital. When they sold that house after only 15 yrs of ownership the value had more than doubled, they are now more comfortable than ever and helped us with a bridging loan when we moved last yr which we repaid in full within a few months.

They had no obligation to help us but were so glad they could. When we are older it is unlikely that we will be able to the same as the financial climate is so different, but we will do what we can.

Yanbu, of course, but equally not the approach I would take. Parenthood doesn't stop at 18.

new CSR car?
one of these only 46K
uk.caterhamcars.com/cars/csr

this thread has to be a wind-up

WE THINK CSR IS ACTUALLY CAR - AS A AND S ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE KEYBOARD

(for the person who was desperately calling out to know upthread )

Maybe the children could live in the car?

I think it's fair for you to want to use that money for your own convenience.
I think it's fair that your dcs shouldn't expect you to pay for a deposit for a house etc etc.

HOWEVER, I also think that you could help them to do so wo any major issue. And that help could make a huge difference in their life.
DH was buying his first house when I met him (I was nowhere near that). He had saved as much money as he could but onlly did it because his parents and his gran gave him some money to help. This is what allows us now to have our own house instead of renting 29 years down the line. The difference that money made affected not just DH but the whole family iywim.

If it was me, I wouldn't be able to live with having 2 very nice and expensive hols every year knowing that my dcs are struggling and would be so much better if I could help them get on the property ladder.
I would hope that they didn't expect it though.

You'll all find yourselves quoted in the Daily Mail (as Margaret, 57, from Ruislip) next week. Yawn.

Up to you what you do with your money.
Just don't expect your DC's to want to hear about your new car and cruises.
Or for them to come round and mow your lawn when you're not able to do it as too frail.
Cuts both ways you see.

It's your money. I had not help to get a deposit together and it did me no harm. I have given 2 of the older children a bit of help to buy and will ensure all 5 children have exactly the same principally because I'd rather they had money for a first purchase than when they are nearly 60 when I might die and then 40% of everything I have is stolen by the state in inheritance tax. However never give what you can't afford. I still earn quite a bit and paid the mortgage off a year ago after 30 years (I've worked for 33 years full time without a single break even for maternity leaves).

Also some children are not prepared to do what their parents had to do to buy a property like not drink or not have children for 10 or 20 years or not go on holidays. If they aren't prepared to do those things and spend little then if they cannot afford a deposition on a small studio flat in a grotty area or they chose to make stupid career choices or not get their finger out at school then it's hard cheese - they make their beds. They lie in them - such is life.

No way would I be cruising whilst my kids struggled to find a decent house. Sorry, but that's not being a good parent, which doesn't end when they turn 18.

My parents didn't help me because I could afford a house on my own (they still have me lovely furniture etc as gifts when I moved in) but my kids may struggle. We've already secured houses for them to live in London, I'm not paying for luxuries but I'm not letting them struggle to put a roof above their heads. All my friends who can afford to do so, are doing the same. The ones who can't are worrying about it.

Life for your children generation will be very, very different from your own. Your DC can probably only dream of earning £34k, or owning property (singular).

How can anyone in current times think retiring in their early 50s is okay? or remotely sustainable?

Definitely a generational divide in views.

Houses are now significantly more expensive than ever (eg as multiple of salary vs your day OP), and basically anyone under 40 needs to assume they will never receive a state pension - the system is not sustainable. The retirement age needs to be at least 75 to make it affordable for the state over the next 20 years.

Most youngsters will think you are selfish, most 50s+ will think they are your assets so do wtf you want.

Being in the middle...my view is my family are a unit. I will always provide for my kids if I can. I couldn't go on a cruise knowing my 19 year old say was racking up debts.

It really doesn't matter what we think, anyway. Your children ar the ones that matter, and their opinions are the only ones you need to think about. Only you know their characters.

Oh op, you are a tonic for a Sunday morning

Op posts about an emotive topic and slips away. Eventually other posters notice op's lack of presence/input and start to get suss. Que op returning with a vague non committal response and ducks off again.