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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At the pool - other adult behavior

416 replies

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:00

I was at our local leisure centre today. It's a private hotel one, if it makes a difference, so it's users would be a combination of members, hotel guests and you can also pay for a day pass. I'm a member.
It was busy as it is normally on a Saturday afternoon. There were two guys I hadn't seen before in the lanes section (where you can do serious swimming, up one side and down the other). I wanted to do 50 or so lengths but it was tricky as it was me and them in the section and they were doing handstands, diving in (under the no diving sign) and generally getting in the way. I get this with children sometimes but not usually adults in their 30s or 40s.
Im laid back so I just sort of went around them as best I could. They were swimming under me and making me nervous. So after about 20 lengths I gave up.
I went into the steamroom and they arrived in about 10 minutes after and stared at me up and down in a pervy uncomfortable way.
So they it clicked that the pool annoyance was probably on purpose.
I left and was pissed off that it made me felt so uncomfortable.
I was pissed off that I couldn't do anything to stop them staring, that they'd intrrupted my swim and that I couldnt complain to the lifeguard while I was there as it would have been awkward, or as I was leaving as I didn't want to appear racist. The two guys were speaking Arabic to each other which is pretty uncommon in my town.
My dh went to the pool after I got home, for his turn at a bit of child free peace and I described them to him. He came back and said they were in the hot tub (this was 2 hours after me) so they'd probably got a day pass and stayed to piss off more people.
Was I unreasonable to just leave and say nothing and if so, what should I have done or said? Either to them or to the lifeguard. I feel like such a chicken.

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 06/02/2016 22:40

Asian does not equal Muslim

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 22:41

Just to correct, I didn't say they were asylum seekers at all. I'm fairly sure they weren't. By recently arrived, I literally meant recently arrived (and not used to our culture or behavior) At a guess, I would suspect they have recently moved to work here, or were on holidays. I doubt they were poor.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:42

There is a problem with "some" cultures thinking women are less than equal. If you're a woman and think there isn't then I don't really know what to say to you.

Ditchthepitch · 06/02/2016 22:43

No vintage, you didnt say 'some', you said 'a lot'.

zzzzz · 06/02/2016 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:44

CousCous, I know exactly what you were saying and its fine with me.

Thattimeofyearagain · 06/02/2016 22:47
Biscuit
SuperFlyHigh · 06/02/2016 22:47

Ditch I wouldn't call it "part of their culture" but I've been told by many Indian etc women that this happens a lot, more than you'd expect and though especially in India they're trying to stop it (as it can lead to rape etc if escalated in more serious cases/circumstances).

I spoke to my leisure centre twice, and twice they didn't do anything so I stopped going. Damned if I want to run the gauntlet of being made to feel uncomfortable when I exercise by some men! I got the feeling the instructor (also female) was used to this and had tried to tackle it before. Brick wall head hitting syndrome.

I do think some men do this but generally you know what most men I know (regardless of their colour etc) DON'T do this! Because they have respect for women. That's what sickened me about these men, no respect and doing it to deliberately make women feel uncomfortable and there was definitely the leering factor there. If it had been black, white etc men I'd have reported them too. These men are the type that if they serve you in restaurants etc in the same area they of course will go above and beyond to be polite to you as women (been out in all women parties in that area and with men too) as you're paying for a service, eg your meal and contributing towards their wages.

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:48

Vintage - OUR 'culture' treats women like shit - lets start there and let other women tackle theirs with our support

I think it's hysterically funny that people think 'we' are some feminist utopia ffs! Grin

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:50

In the western world:

No woman has to cover her hair
No woman has to wear what her husband depicts
No woman "has" to do anything

No woman should be leered at

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:52

We are free in "our" culture to say this though Ghosty so I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me this.

BillSykesDog · 06/02/2016 22:53

She didn't say anything of the sort zzzz you just assumed it. In fact, she was very clear that this was a pay facility and not a cheap one, which pretty much ruled that out.

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:53

spend a few days in a refuge Vintage you'll find points 2 and 3 to be utter bollox for starters

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:53

ok ghostly

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:54

oh not sure on you 'no woman should be leered at' point either since no one has said she should Hmm

although 'wolf whistling' is fairly common place in 'the west'

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:55

you're just looking for a fight ghostly. Im declining Grin

zzzzz · 06/02/2016 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:59

no Vintage I am joining in a debate on MN Confused sorry if that bothers you - I am simply disputing the idea that The West is some feminist haven - having worked for Rape Crisis for many years I would disagree :)

I will leave this here www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-35403106

AliceInUnderpants · 06/02/2016 23:00

I bet the skanky foreigners got the leisure centre passes free with their fucking benefit handouts too.

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 23:02

Really zzzzzz?
Not intended! Was after a random conversation with dh about dinner choices and his new found fastest food revelation.

OP posts:
Woodhill · 06/02/2016 23:02

It definitely isnt but compared to other countries it may be an improvement and we need to make sure it stays that way.

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 23:03

so what did the pool attendant/hotel say when you complained ?

nonamenopackdrill · 06/02/2016 23:03

There's some nasty racist shit on here tonight.

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 23:03

Not at all bothered ghostly, enjoy!

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 23:05

The minute my two teen DS's want a debate I run for the hills Grin