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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At the pool - other adult behavior

416 replies

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:00

I was at our local leisure centre today. It's a private hotel one, if it makes a difference, so it's users would be a combination of members, hotel guests and you can also pay for a day pass. I'm a member.
It was busy as it is normally on a Saturday afternoon. There were two guys I hadn't seen before in the lanes section (where you can do serious swimming, up one side and down the other). I wanted to do 50 or so lengths but it was tricky as it was me and them in the section and they were doing handstands, diving in (under the no diving sign) and generally getting in the way. I get this with children sometimes but not usually adults in their 30s or 40s.
Im laid back so I just sort of went around them as best I could. They were swimming under me and making me nervous. So after about 20 lengths I gave up.
I went into the steamroom and they arrived in about 10 minutes after and stared at me up and down in a pervy uncomfortable way.
So they it clicked that the pool annoyance was probably on purpose.
I left and was pissed off that it made me felt so uncomfortable.
I was pissed off that I couldn't do anything to stop them staring, that they'd intrrupted my swim and that I couldnt complain to the lifeguard while I was there as it would have been awkward, or as I was leaving as I didn't want to appear racist. The two guys were speaking Arabic to each other which is pretty uncommon in my town.
My dh went to the pool after I got home, for his turn at a bit of child free peace and I described them to him. He came back and said they were in the hot tub (this was 2 hours after me) so they'd probably got a day pass and stayed to piss off more people.
Was I unreasonable to just leave and say nothing and if so, what should I have done or said? Either to them or to the lifeguard. I feel like such a chicken.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:26

Give me an example of the words, I can speak Arabic. Though in my experience a lot of Arabics are not Muslim.

maybebabybee · 06/02/2016 21:27

Haha! The sound and tone of the language made you realise it was Arabic, did it. What a natural linguist you must be.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 06/02/2016 21:27

Arabic has a very specific sound it's easy to recognise

OP you should have said something, not to them but definitely to whoever was managing the pool. If adults make you feel uncomfortable in a sexual way in a place where there are children especially, it's wrong and you should report it!

If they are from another country maybe they didn't realise they were doing it, different cultures and all that, maybe they did it on purpose cause they are used to getting away with it... Who knows..Bottom line next time report it

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:28

Oh ok Buzzard, so if you weren't there and didn't see it, it didn't happen? It's hardly a totally outlandish thing to occur.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:28

Rubbish!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 06/02/2016 21:29

Well the life guard's pretty shit at their job for not stopping them dicking about.

JaceLancs · 06/02/2016 21:29

I have a Muslim colleague who speaks Urdu, Punjabi, and Gujarati - I find it very hard to distinguish between them as I only recognise an occasional word so am fascinated you recognised Arabic so easily

AliceScarlett · 06/02/2016 21:29

No, hanging around in pools is not something assylum seekers "do". Weirdest, most ignorant, question, ever.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:29

Nah, I spend too much time reading crap on fB, bit like you.

Fairenuff · 06/02/2016 21:30

There was a story about this in the news OP HERE

You could have spoken to the manager as you were leaving. I amsure they would want to know if someone was making their guests feel uncomfortable.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 06/02/2016 21:30

buzzard are they called Arabics? I thought it was Arabians?

BackInTheRealWorld · 06/02/2016 21:30

Wtf does it matter what language they were speaking? Whoever they are and wherever they are from it was THEIR behaviour that was inappropriate, not anyone else's.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 06/02/2016 21:31

Buzzard are you for real? You have to know the words to understand the origin of the language? I have no fuckin clue about any German words but I can tell what German sounds like, same for Spanish

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 21:31

Has there been an influx of refugees to your town Couscous?
Whilst the OP has generalised in this I do think that a person would be able to identify a "sound" of a language rather than be able to speak it.

i.e.. Eastern European sounds different to Italian.

shazzarooney99 · 06/02/2016 21:31

Why diddnt you just move to another part of the pool? when they got in the hot tub why diddnt you get out and get back in the pool if they made you feel uncomfy?

AnneElliott · 06/02/2016 21:32

Why are some posters suggesting the OP can't recognise Arabic when she hears it? I spent a number of years working for immigration and I can recognise a number of languages when I hear them- even though I can't speak them.

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 06/02/2016 21:32

It's very easy to recognise a language without being able to speak it. I really don't understand why this section of MN turns some posters into vile nit pickers.

OP, you should have complained to the life-guard wrt diving but to raise the story about the 10 year old Austrian boy isn't really in keeping with the general thread. If you want to discuss that start a new thread.

BackInTheRealWorld · 06/02/2016 21:32

Christ, if they had spoken with a brummie accent what difference would it have made?

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:33

No-one is called Arabics. Not all Arabic speaking people are from Arabia.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 06/02/2016 21:35

Arabian)

noun: a spirited graceful and intelligent riding horse native to Arabia
noun: a member of a Semitic people originally from the Arabian peninsula and surrounding territories who speaks Arabic and who inhabits much of the Middle East and northern Africa
adjective: of or relating to Arabian horses
adjective: relating to or associated with Arabia or its people (Example: "Arabian Nights")

(Arabic)

noun: the Semitic language of the Arabs; spoken in a variety of dialects
adjective: relating to or characteristic of Arabs (Example: "Arabic languages")

(Arab)

noun: a member of a Semitic people originally from the Arabian peninsula and surrounding territories who speaks Arabic and who inhabits much of the Middle East and northern Africa (Example: "Arab League")
noun: a spirited graceful and intelligent riding horse native to Arabia

You may call yourself an Arabian or an Arab. Arabic is solely an adjective except for its use as the name of the language.

I'll wager that usage is not so strict, though. What you cannot do is call yourself an Arabic, since you are not a language.
Reply

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2016 21:35

It's like something straight off the pages of Britain F*t

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:35

Why do you think I'm making it up, what would be the point? Sorry if I touched a nerve. I dont get why it riled a couple of you.
No I don't know their religion or for sure if it was Arabic or their cultural norms. I just know a couple of strangers pissed me off today and it was not what I was used to in the pool so didn't know how to deal with it. It reminded me of those stories I had read and disregarded, for those appearance and language reason which I dare not mention again for fear of causing offence.
Sorry if I offended you.

OP posts:
mintoil · 06/02/2016 21:36
Biscuit
Sunnyshores · 06/02/2016 21:36

Bottom line - these men made you feel uncomfortable and invaded your personal space. You should have reported it at the time to the lifeguard, if you couldnt do that, then to someone in reception.

very Shock at some of the comments on here...

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