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AIBU?

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Original poster

At the pool - other adult behavior

416 replies

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:00

I was at our local leisure centre today. It's a private hotel one, if it makes a difference, so it's users would be a combination of members, hotel guests and you can also pay for a day pass. I'm a member.
It was busy as it is normally on a Saturday afternoon. There were two guys I hadn't seen before in the lanes section (where you can do serious swimming, up one side and down the other). I wanted to do 50 or so lengths but it was tricky as it was me and them in the section and they were doing handstands, diving in (under the no diving sign) and generally getting in the way. I get this with children sometimes but not usually adults in their 30s or 40s.
Im laid back so I just sort of went around them as best I could. They were swimming under me and making me nervous. So after about 20 lengths I gave up.
I went into the steamroom and they arrived in about 10 minutes after and stared at me up and down in a pervy uncomfortable way.
So they it clicked that the pool annoyance was probably on purpose.
I left and was pissed off that it made me felt so uncomfortable.
I was pissed off that I couldn't do anything to stop them staring, that they'd intrrupted my swim and that I couldnt complain to the lifeguard while I was there as it would have been awkward, or as I was leaving as I didn't want to appear racist. The two guys were speaking Arabic to each other which is pretty uncommon in my town.
My dh went to the pool after I got home, for his turn at a bit of child free peace and I described them to him. He came back and said they were in the hot tub (this was 2 hours after me) so they'd probably got a day pass and stayed to piss off more people.
Was I unreasonable to just leave and say nothing and if so, what should I have done or said? Either to them or to the lifeguard. I feel like such a chicken.

OP posts:
LovelyFriend · 06/02/2016 22:05

If there are lanes for swimming wasn't there also a part of the pool for relaxing/handstands/pissing around in?

Why didn't you just say to someone at the pool that you want to swim your lengths (as many people do when they go to a pool in a leisure centre) and these guys are pissing around in the swimming lane and swimming under you (which is absolutely not acceptable behaviour)?

BTW the lifeguard should have said something to them anyway, but they didn't - which is poor on their behalf.

As for the steam room thing, you absolutely should have complained.

I'm sorry you had this experience - I've had similar things happen years ago and also didn't complain/stick up for myself. Its a horrible feeling.

It's not racist to complain about someone of a different race - unless you are being racist. I'm really not sure about your not wanting to appear racist comment OP?

ClarenceTheLion · 06/02/2016 22:06

was that what made me less likely to complain due to a fear of being seen as racist, does that make sense?

Well, given the tone of many of the post on this thread, yes it does make sense Grin

But you do get leery dickheads in each and every race, so it wasn't really necessary to mention that.

Original poster
CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 22:08

Totally agree Lanark. I have got attention from men at the pool (I'm no oil painting btw), but it's more subtle than this. Today's was blatant staring.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:09

blimey did you want a new band wagon to jump on OP!

look it's simple - complain to the management - job done

their language is irrelevant as is their religion - I have been perved at by men of all ages and colours

zzzzz · 06/02/2016 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:11

you have every right not to be perved at or made uncomfortable btw - that is beyond dispute

but don't buy in too much to the new 'myth of the black rapist' stuff eh?

Iwanttokillthem · 06/02/2016 22:11

I would be concerned that the lifeguards (must have been at least 2 over the timespan) and the management allow such annoying goings on to continue.

I would complain loud and long tp the owners that I felt unsafe using the pool because adults were behaving inappropriately and werent pulled up on it. Doesnt matter at all where they were from. They inconvenienced (at the very least) other pool users and were allowed to do so.

lorelei9 · 06/02/2016 22:12

OP
I would actually report it even now

You should have reported it at the time, yes, but I know it can seem difficult.

I've experienced oddballs getting a free day pass or whatever. Not particularly unusual.bthen they chat you up in the sauna

I don't use the sauna any more!

Btw I'm shite at languages but sometimes I can identify what's been spoken. I think the response you've received here is unfortunate. But the point is their behaviour so do report it, just don't mention anything other than what they did. You might find the hotel has had other reports.

DixieNormas · 06/02/2016 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 06/02/2016 22:16

I've had this before at a pool where I was doing Arabic in a predominantly Asian area (populated by Bangladeshi and Sri Lankans (Tooting if you must know).

Twice I went there and twice I had cat calling and copying us women doing aqua aerobics - the men were in the roped off area of the pool but in the same pool as the aqua aerobics. They didn't stop when asked to do so by the teacher and the life guards were useless too.

I think the second time they weren't as obvious but it still happened and when I got out to shower in the warm shower parts of the pool (not the ones you use before going into the pool) two of these men (Asian) came and stood close to me (a small shower area) and looked me up and down. I must say I got the feeling if they were by themselves they would not do this.

I was told by another poster here that what these men do is common in India etc and is called Eve teasing (google it).

When I complained to the sports centre they took my complaint but certainly didn't seem to want to approach them, ban them or take my complaint really seriously.

I would complain but not expect this to have much clout. I'm not sure if these men deliberately target white Caucasian women because some of them see us as infidels, cheap etc in fact going on the Eve teasing it seems as if they do it because they can and to intimidate. Disgusting.

Original poster
CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 22:17

Ok, thanks, thoughout the unfortunate replies, there have been some useful nuggets of info.
Will report next time, describing behaviour, not appearance, language, etc. And will try to assert myself. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
shutupandshop · 06/02/2016 22:17

Would you like a big wooden stick! amazon Biscuit

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 06/02/2016 22:18

of course you should have reported them and can still do and please do as others will not doubt feel uncomfortable with this I am sure I would

as for recognising Arabic, well Moroccan sounding Arabic is very different to say Lebanese but you might be familiar with Arabic from a particular country

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:19

In saying that a lot of muslim cultures do seem to see western women as being almost prostitute like. We do not cover our hair. We do wear make up. We do wear colourful clothes of different length. So I don't actually understand why the OP is being lambasted. She has concerns.

steff13 · 06/02/2016 22:24

Why didn't you just move to another part of the pool? when they got in the hot tub why didn't you get out and get back in the pool if they made you feel uncomfortable?

Why should a woman being leered at by men have to leave? OP, you should have just said something to the staff at the leisure center.

bakeoffcake · 06/02/2016 22:25

CousCous that's great that you will complain if it happens again.
We all need to do that, if we can, to stop behaviour like this.

Ditchthepitch · 06/02/2016 22:26

Superfly,

Yes what is very inappropriately known as eve teasing is basicallly harassment. It is common in India and Indian women are sick of this sort of stuff. I wouldnt call it a 'part of their culture' though. It is sickening, inappropriate juvenile, misogynistic, chauvinistic, disgusting behaviour which they obviously found quite funny and MUST be reported which I am glad you did. I would take it further with the leisure centres who dont take this sort of stuff seriously. No woman wants to put up with that sort of crap and no woman should have to either.

SmallGreenBouncyBall · 06/02/2016 22:26

yabu not to report twattish sexist behaviour.
but am surprised that the pool guards didn't say anything.

zzzzz · 06/02/2016 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ditchthepitch · 06/02/2016 22:32

Vintage, which muslim cultures see women as prostitutes? I have seen a lot of asian young asian women not cover their hair, they wear very pretty colourful clothing both western and easten, and also wear make up.

Hair and make up isnt just something that only 'we' do! Hmm

BillSykesDog · 06/02/2016 22:33

I would imagine very few recently arrived male or otherwise of any religion, speaking Arabic or any other language have the ££££s for a day pass to splash in a hotel pool.

Yes. Because there are absolutely no wealthy Arabs that holiday in the UK. Just look at the Ritz and the Savoy. ConfusedHmm

LovelyFriend · 06/02/2016 22:37

Having travelled in a few Muslim countries I can confirm that western women are viewed as "up for grabs" by many Muslim men. Traveling can be a difficult experience in some places due to constant harassment.

I have been assumed to be a prostitute many times - offered money (well had it thrown at me), grabbed, shouted at etc. Frightening. (In case you are wondering I was wearing baggy trousers, long sleeve tops etc when these things happened, not wandering around in culturally inappropriate clothing)

zzzzz · 06/02/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vintage45 · 06/02/2016 22:39

Ditch, I didn't say all, I said some.

Pigeonpost · 06/02/2016 22:39

They were being twats, leery twats at that, and you should have complained to the lifeguard. Bollocks to whether they knew it was you complaining, no-one should be able to behave like that. The fact that they may or may not have been speaking Arabic or may or may not have been Muslim is utterly irrelevant and has no bearing on whether you would have been unreasonable to complain about them. So YWBNU to complain (although you didn't) but YABVU to make their nationality/race/culture an issue in your post.