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Original poster

At the pool - other adult behavior

416 replies

CousCousDefinitely · 06/02/2016 21:00

I was at our local leisure centre today. It's a private hotel one, if it makes a difference, so it's users would be a combination of members, hotel guests and you can also pay for a day pass. I'm a member.
It was busy as it is normally on a Saturday afternoon. There were two guys I hadn't seen before in the lanes section (where you can do serious swimming, up one side and down the other). I wanted to do 50 or so lengths but it was tricky as it was me and them in the section and they were doing handstands, diving in (under the no diving sign) and generally getting in the way. I get this with children sometimes but not usually adults in their 30s or 40s.
Im laid back so I just sort of went around them as best I could. They were swimming under me and making me nervous. So after about 20 lengths I gave up.
I went into the steamroom and they arrived in about 10 minutes after and stared at me up and down in a pervy uncomfortable way.
So they it clicked that the pool annoyance was probably on purpose.
I left and was pissed off that it made me felt so uncomfortable.
I was pissed off that I couldn't do anything to stop them staring, that they'd intrrupted my swim and that I couldnt complain to the lifeguard while I was there as it would have been awkward, or as I was leaving as I didn't want to appear racist. The two guys were speaking Arabic to each other which is pretty uncommon in my town.
My dh went to the pool after I got home, for his turn at a bit of child free peace and I described them to him. He came back and said they were in the hot tub (this was 2 hours after me) so they'd probably got a day pass and stayed to piss off more people.
Was I unreasonable to just leave and say nothing and if so, what should I have done or said? Either to them or to the lifeguard. I feel like such a chicken.

OP posts:
MrWriter · 11/02/2016 12:29

This thread is of similar vein to a few others currently on mn. For some reason there appears to be apologists cropping up on both (though thankfully not that many), that it doesn't matter these men come from a community that think that its ok to abuse western women as they wear short skirts/drink alcohol etc and really women in the UK and Ireland should moderate their behaviour (swim somewhere else etc.) rather than accept that these communities bring their kids up to think women are a lower form of society and western women with all their rights aren't even worth respect.

I really worry that the rights we western women have and fought hard for, and still have more work to do, will find our rights eroded and all of sudden have to change our ways, wearing more clothes, travelling with our husbands, scared to use public transport at night alone just because certain elements cant recognise western women's rights. And the apologists are allowing this to happen.

Namechange02 · 11/02/2016 13:27

MrWriter you are so right. I often think true equality will be here when I can go for a run in the same way a man can, not worrying if I am in a lonely area or wanting to run in the dark - that will be true equality.

BUT like you I think we are in danger of going backwards. However, in the OP's position, I'd have called out these guys on their behaviour and possibly given them a good slap as well If someone looked me up and down in a leering way I'd tell them exactly what I thought of them. And as a side issue, I'd certainly ask them to abide by lane etiquette in a swimming pool. If they didn't (or pretended not to) understand me, I'd report them to the swimming pool management.

It is completely unacceptable that any woman of any age has to put up with this, from any man, regardless of ethnicity. All women need to adopt a zero tolerance policy - and decent men too.

zzzzz · 11/02/2016 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elsadresswhereareyou · 11/02/2016 14:09

Oh come on, I don't speak arabic but I can figure our if someone speaks Arabic, Hebrew or Farsi based on the sound and intonation. All beautiful languages by the way.

OP, this is one of those occasions where it probably made sense that you didn't complain as what happened wasn't obvious enough. If you feel these men, who perhaps were tourists, were acting inappropriately, i'd call the hotel and inform them. If these guys, who probably have left the hotel by now, do this again and other guests complain they will have a more detailed picture of their behaviour.

Having had this experience, you will probably act more concretely next time and either tell the life guard or a female member of staff.

MrWriter · 11/02/2016 14:12

zzzzz I have read the full thread thank you, I assume your comment is aimed at me?

There have been suggestions that the OP should have changed her behaviour or moved to another area of the pool. The OP was lambasted for mentioning the race/creed/whatever of the perpetrators.

I was comparing this thread to others that have recently appeared on mn.

zzzzz · 11/02/2016 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrWriter · 11/02/2016 15:41

Oh goodness zzzzz there is really no need to get yourself so irate.

As far as I'm aware this is still a free country and I (as well as yourself) am allowed an opinion, and still allowed to express it freely.

I just meant that through out the thread there were a few posters (thankfully in the minority) that seemed outraged that the OP had mentioned the ethnicity of the men as if this wasn't relative.

I had commented that it seemed in a similar vein to the Cologne threads that are also running at the moment.

zzzzz · 11/02/2016 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VintageTrouble · 11/02/2016 22:20

"I just meant that through out the thread there were a few posters (thankfully in the minority) that seemed outraged that the OP had mentioned the ethnicity of the men as if this wasn't relative."

That is people being apologists. That is people suggesting being a particular ethnicity does not in itself immediately mean that a man is a sexual predator

VintageTrouble · 11/02/2016 22:23

Ha! That isn't people being apologists.

PurpleDaisies · 11/02/2016 22:32

I just meant that through out the thread there were a few posters (thankfully in the minority) that seemed outraged that the OP had mentioned the ethnicity of the men as if this wasn't relative.

I'm one of those posters and I stand by my opinion that in this situation the ethnicity/religion/whatever of the men is totally irrelevant. As I said before, there is absolutely no excuse for how they were behaving so they should have been reported and booted out.

Spaghettii · 12/02/2016 10:28

Their ethnicity and religion had nothing to do with it. It is irrelevant

laceysue · 12/02/2016 10:34

Given Muslim men's appalling record of their thoughts and treatment of women I'd say it is very relevant.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 12/02/2016 10:34

I wouldnt take this thread seriously at all.

Its nothing more than a really bad attempt at causing a stooshie.

But we have noticed you dear Hmm

lonevoice · 12/02/2016 12:21

Can't believe it was allowed to stand tbh.

DeoGratias · 12/02/2016 13:23

Anyone who thinks all cultures treat women the same and are as non sexist as each other is kidding themselves and we all know it! We have just to educate the sexist people and sex pests and prosecute them where necessary and we'll all be fine. However women are not going to modify their behaviour so if these men think they can grope us at swimming pools or on the tube they will find we might start to carry hat pins again or knee them in the groin. We do not accept this type of behaviour. We will not allow it to happen.

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