Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

241 replies

terrweath · 06/02/2016 13:45

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
Dowser · 06/02/2016 22:37

Nicki...I must ask you ...what was it you hated about Thailand yet loved about UAE

I've always wanted to go to Dubai...DH things he would hate it. If wego for a winter break we just feel Europe isn't warm enough.

It doesn't leave much else shorthaul...so have been thinking about UAE. DH would take some convincing though.

I also expect it would be very expensive too. Thailand cheap but not sure it's my cup of tea either.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 06/02/2016 22:45

The good thing OP is, that if you don't cancel, which is pointless as you can't get a refund, you don't have to make a decision about this until you get to a point when you will miss your flight.

I really wish I could offer to go with you, but...responsibilities prohibit this for the next 2-3 yrs.

I appreciate that this was something you had planned with someone 'special' and now you have broken up, so have your plans, not just for this trip but the other plans you might have had.

But you call it a 'dream' destination, so that 'dream' is yours and doesn't belong to your Ex. You'll get over this break-up a lot sooner than you will get over not fulfilling an ambition/dream that you came so close to doing. And in years to come you will probably kick yourself that you let an Ex (who will be an unimportant person in your future) stop you.

ovenchips · 06/02/2016 22:46

So true Floats!

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 23:01

I'm not sure Dowser. Loads of things really. I don't want to sound pompous or judgmental though. We arrived at the airport and the first thing I saw was this very politely worded sign about not taking advantage of children while in the country. It was clear what that meant but was so softly softly and that got to me a bit; make a stand, threaten the harshest penalties possible like you do for a bit of weed.

Then we got to Bangkok, which was massively disorientating, it's an amazing city but sensory wise totally overwhelming and I honestly couldn't wait to leave. I'm not lily livered by any stretch of the imagination but just couldn't get to grips with it at all. Then to the coast, which was lovely but there was just this faintly threatening undertone to me. I didn't feel that the people were particularly welcoming, tolerating us more than anything else and that's absolutely fine but to be so far from home feeling vaguely threatened wasn't much fun! I don't know maybe it was just me, I didn't feel well there and was diagnosed with walking pneumonia on arrival back home so that didn't help. I would never go back though it just wasn't for me.

UAE on the other hand, I just felt like I fitted in there straight away. They love kids, even just in the service station waiting to pay the Arab women and men were talking to us and joking with my children. My daughter's shortened nick name sounds like an Arabic name and they loved that Smile. Things like the beaches as well, they're divided so you have public beaches and then you have family beaches which are just great, only families allowed on there and loads of staff and security to keep things running smoothly. When you go shopping in the malls they all have kids areas, usually on the top floor with loads of activities and rides etc. The souks are amazing too. No one hassles you. You do have to be covered up to a certain extent though, no scrappy dresses etc unless on hotel property and then it's just bikinis and shorts as usual.

I know many have issues with the UAE but for me I have never felt anything but safe and respected there and had tons of fun.

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 23:05

That should be strappy dresses obviously.

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 23:07

Also Dowser look at Abu Dhabi as well. Smaller and MUCH cheaper and honestly just as nice Smile

polyhymnia · 06/02/2016 23:37

OP sorry, I still can't really understand your view that travel experiences have less value when undertaken on your own.

Please could you tell me which ancient philosopher you mention said something along these lines - this is a serious request as I've got an interest in ancient philosophy and would like to look up the reference in the original Latin or Greek to see the context.

Btw, I don't agree with whoever said drinking alone is 'just for the alcohol'. Definitely not always true. I enjoy a good glass of wine on my own in a restaurant or cafe, either with or without a meal, for its taste just as much as I do good food ( which I don't see as a means of 'stuffing my face'.)

Dowser · 06/02/2016 23:58

Thank you nicki. I do appreciate the time you've put into your replies. I get where you are coming from with Thailand.

I too am very sensitive to atmospheres and I too would pick anything that felt vaguely threatening. I too hate that overwhelmed feeling. I imagine I would feel very similar in parts of India .

UAE sounds lovely. Me to a t!

Dowser · 06/02/2016 23:59

I've done a bit of aimless googling around a UAE winter break and the price I get for a for one week would see us have two much longer stays in Tenerife .

polyhymnia · 07/02/2016 00:14

OP on reading your post about eating alone you say it would feel 'greedy'. I must admit I find it a bit hard to understand how you don't therefore think that those if us who live eating a good meal on our own are greedy ( to say nothing of alcohol addicts).

polyhymnia · 07/02/2016 00:15

Sorry , love not live!

EBearhug · 07/02/2016 00:26

Someoen just posted this on FB - People's biggest regrets

mickmills · 07/02/2016 00:51

I love travelling too but would find this trip hard. You don't have to go, nor should you have to justify to anyone why you don't want to go. Don't go. It's fine.

Destinysdaughter · 07/02/2016 01:12

I went to India on my own for 4 months after I got made redundant at the age of 47. I had an amazing time and although sometimes it was hard I don't regret it at all. Made new friends and it gave me so much confidence. I also used ' Couch surfers' to meet local pp. Do it! What have you got to lose? You only live once...

Destinysdaughter · 07/02/2016 01:13

Re eating alone. Take a Kindle and read. It's just food. No one's going to judge you for it. Except you.

MaryRobinson · 07/02/2016 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Destinysdaughter · 07/02/2016 01:27

A few years ago I was going to Thailand to visit an ex I was still friends with. A week before, he told me he was going to Malaysia to do a Tantra course! It was too late for me to change my plans so I did a ton of research on the place and decided I was going to have a fabulous time anyway! And I did...I did some trips, did a detox, had massages, did a cookery course, shopped, saw a Ladyboy show, ate lovely food, did snorkelling, rode on an elephant. I felt so proud of myself for doing those things, loved the freedom and probably had a better time without him as I could just please myself.

If you choose to, you can really turn this around. For you. Because you're worth having these experiences with or without a partner.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 07/02/2016 02:30

So much of this thread had been taken up by 'eating out alone' and its been right up the OP's very familiar street because its meant she's not had to think about of any of the posts offering encouragement.

She didn't want to do this trip with anyone but the person she's just broken up with and I think she posted so that when we offered encouragement she could see all what she was going to miss and say to herself - that bastard, look what they're making me miss. I suspect she really did want this trip to go down in her history as 'the trip of a lifetime I missed because of that *%$@'

As for the mention of the Philosopher and the OP's willingness to take refuge in what they said, again it was an easy way out, and it's obvious what her mindset is regarding those who can go off alone.

Perhaps OP you could think of this

Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted (Deepak Chopra)

Being alone is finding the secret of your true self (Ralph Smart)

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference (Winston Churchill)

I like the challenge of trying different things and wondering whether it’s going to work or whether I’m going to fall flat on my face. (Johnny Depp)

If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are? (T.S. Eliot)

Never let eating alone in a restaurant be an excuse for not doing something. (Some strange posters at Mumsnet)

You've been very defeatist on this thread, you've also been quite cutting, but you've had a break up and its not inclined to bring out the best in us so here's to some peace of heart and mind for you soon.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 07/02/2016 02:37

OP, you said 'hostels are not for me'.

Well they're not for me either and I would never let it stop me going away on my own Grin

Come on - have a wee rethink about your holiday. Flowers

ohtheholidays · 07/02/2016 02:43

OP you don't want to go away that's fine and you can't get a refund would you be able to sell the tickets on though maybe?It sounds like they're worth quite a bit if you sold them on then maybe you could do something with the money that you'd really enjoy.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 07/02/2016 02:44

It doesn't leave much else shorthaul...so have been thinking about UAE. DH would take some convincing though.

Come to Oman for the main part of your holiday and perhaps do 2 or 3 days in Dubai as well.

bobs123 · 07/02/2016 03:22

OP fwiw I've done a bit of travelling on my own - Australia, NZ, USA, and although I had an amazing time, I don't recollect ever eating in a restaurant on my own - not my thing and cheaper to cook for myself. I did however stay in hostels with loads of other singles of all ages

queenoftheboys · 07/02/2016 04:32

OP I think you've missed the point of many posters, which is that when circumstance meant they travelled alone or not at all, even though they were scared and worried they wouldn't like it, they forced themselves to step out of their comfort zone and go, and had an enjoyable and empowering experience.

The eating alone in restaurants thing is a complete red herring - there's no need to ever eat in restaurants if you don't want to.

Dowser · 07/02/2016 07:59

Pooh! Tell me about Oman. I think my friend used to live ther. I know she visited last year.

Is it like Dubai?

Dowser · 07/02/2016 07:59

That should have read...ooooh