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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

241 replies

terrweath · 06/02/2016 13:45

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/02/2016 14:45

I'd go.

I hate being on my own and I can't stand being lonely but I'd go with the intention to make the best of it and make friends with everyone. I think it could be supremely healing, and you'd have a big sense of achievement to go. It'll also distract you from the break up, to a certain extent.

I'd probably waver like mad and wonder if I was doing the right thing, but I'd give it my absolute best.

Osolea · 06/02/2016 14:46

If there's any way you can dig deep enough to find the courage to go, then do it!

It might not be what you planned, and you might have lonely moments, but the nervousness you feel at doing it is directly related to how amazing you could find it. The best things in life never come easily.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 06/02/2016 14:51

Dont be self conscious - loads and loads of people have the most amazing travel adventures alone and make great friends along the way. So long as you think you will be safe just go for it - CARPE DIEM!

NannyR · 06/02/2016 14:58

Someone once gave me a travel journal with a quote in the front, saying something along the lines of "you will regret the things you don't do far more than the things you did do"

Give it a go, if you hate it, it's only a couple of weeks but you'll know that you tried it at least, whereas if you don't go, you could be thinking "what if?" for the rest of your life.

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 15:01

I absolutely would go. In a heart beat. Load your kindle up with books and GO!

manicinsomniac · 06/02/2016 15:01

Go, go, go!

I've travelled around the majority of the world (not NZ/Oz admittedly because I'm terrified of flying and that length of flight is one step too far for me) and have never gone with another adult. I either take my children or go on my own (prefer the solo trips tbh!)

The freedom is incredible. You can meet new people if you want to but don't have to and can do exactly what you like when you like.

Everything is much cheaper when you're on your own too.

If you really can't go, could your ex use the tickets? Seems like such a huge amount of money to lose.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 06/02/2016 15:02

I agree, if you can't get a refund then what have you got to lose? Better to go and have an average time than not to go at all.

And better to go and have a fabulous experience, albeit alone than not to go at all.

And i bet if you ask people on here if they'd enjoy the chance to experience something they've always wanted to do, on their own with no-one else to answer to for a few days you'd be knocked down in the rush!

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:04

But make friends with who? I am well into my thirties, not an 18 yo on a gap year!

OP posts:
NickiFury · 06/02/2016 15:11

My SIL went to China alone and booked various tours, she made friends that she ended up spending the holiday with. She was in her late twenties. There were other single people her age and couples too and they all just got on with it.

I'm in know early forties and would still do this. I went to the Middle East to visit family last year and left my kids for a night so I could get some RnR. I got talking to people in the hotel bar etc.

MrsBertMacklin · 06/02/2016 15:12

Where is it that you are going?

I travel alone all the time and I'm in my thirties, it's a more and more common option.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 06/02/2016 15:12

Well tell us what kind of trip it is and we'll tell you! Maybe it won't be the kind of thing where you hook up with people, maybe it will, but it either way you can still enjoy it for yourself.

screamingeels · 06/02/2016 15:12

I went travelling at age of 30 and there are a suprising number of 30+ travellers out there. Admittedly the very 'backpackery' routes can seem to be very clogged with gap year types but they don't tend to take much interest in locals but as someone with a bit more life experience you will.

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:15

But it's only for 2 weeks! I can't see myself really chatting to people much; am quite shy.

The flights are paid for, but the accommodation isn't so it's still a lot of money - and time - and lost wages - for something I just don't know if I am going to like Hmm

OP posts:
CrotchetQuaverMinim · 06/02/2016 15:16

Load of single people have to travel alone all the time, and have to go to tourist spots and sightseeing and restaurants and so on on their own, or they'd never go anywhere! If you have already got the tickets and aren't afraid for your safety alone, have suitable accommodation booked, etc, then go and enjoy it. Maybe you won't make friends (but you might), but even if you don't, you can still do and see things that you want to. I miss not having people to ooh and aah over stuff with and chat about the interesting stuff we might come across, but you can save it up to tell people when you are back. I also miss having someone else there to do things like get from airport to hotel, find where to go etc at first, as I find that really scary on my own, but it gets easier. Restaurants are also a bit hard on your own, but again, you learn to just take a book or a paper, and remember that nobody thinks much of you eating alone as business travellers have to do it all the time. I do miss having someone to just sit and eat with and have a leisurely meal. But it is doable on your own.

NannyR · 06/02/2016 15:17

I'm in my forties and I always travel solo. I did my first trip to NZ when I was thirty.
You will meet people, singles, couples, families of all ages, from gap year teenagers to single women in their seventies.

If you stay in hostels you will find that some are definitely party hostels aimed at the younger crowd, but most are chilled out, relaxed places, great to meet people in and find out tips about the best places to visit etc.

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:17

'Have to'? As in, for business? As there's a difference between travelling alone because you have to and for a holiday.

I definitely couldn't sit in a restaurant on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:18

Oh, I definitely don't think I can go - I'm SO not a hostel person!

OP posts:
Dowser · 06/02/2016 15:20

Making friends isn't exclusive to the under 21s

I chat to people all the time.
I'm 64 ;-)

I hope you go. I want to hear all about it. Even if it wasn't something you'd want to do do again...stepping out of your comfort zone is great for self awareness,confidence, self esteem.

You will be so proud of yourself.

Where you are going there might be an expat forum that you can chat on and maybe meet up with a couple of them.

( especially if you offer to bring them some of their favourite chocolate/ tea/ marmite etc) you'll have instant friends!

gatewalker · 06/02/2016 15:21

Why post here if you're not even open to considering going, OP?

I would. I'd go go GO! Get yourself out of your comfort zone. Gooo awnnn!

EnormousDormouse · 06/02/2016 15:21

We went travelling in our mid 30s, we met lots of others in this age range, some singles. If you stay in (good) hostels or budget hotels you will pretty much always have people you can arrange visits and trips with, its a very open, friendly atmosphere as everyone wants to make the most of their trips.

And I went to the states on my own and once I got over the 'on my own in a restaurant' fear it was fab. Met some lovely, kind people and had a brilliant time - I put more effort in and met more 'locals' than if I always had my partner to rely on.

Do it!!!!

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:23

I was considering going, which is why I posted, but I think to be fair you could tell from my OP I was leaning more towards 'not going' than 'going'.

I do hate it when people do that.

OP posts:
Dowser · 06/02/2016 15:23

Where are we talking about?

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/02/2016 15:24

I don't understand. If you don't want to go, then lose the money on the flights and stay at home.

But I would go. Surely you get paid for taking your annual leave? Book some tours so you can meet other people and enjoy yourself! I flew to Australia on my own at 19 and it was a real experience - I think you'd regret it if you stayed at home.

Also, why can't you sit in a restaurant alone? Take a book/kindle/tablet and people watch, it's really relaxing :)

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 15:24

Well you'll never know if you don't go. To be honest it sounds like you could do with this experience and bit of a challenge in the nicest possible way Smile

You're quite shy? So DON'T make friends then. Just do your own thing in a new place for a couple of weeks.

NannyR · 06/02/2016 15:25

Why not a "hostel person"??? I've just come back from a trip to Iceland, where I stayed in a hostel. I've done my fair share of time in 10-bed dorms but now I'm older I prefer my own space so I booked a double ensuite room, ok it wasn't as plush as a hotel but it was clean and modern, comfy bed, clean bathroom, breakfast included.
I could afford hotels but I find the worst thing about travelling alone is at the end of the day where you just end up sitting on your bed watching tv. In a hostel you can sit in the lounge, there are usually board games, film nights, books to swap, it's just so much more sociable.

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