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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

241 replies

terrweath · 06/02/2016 13:45

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 06/02/2016 17:00

Probably, but I doubt its in a bad way

Grin So what way, then?

I am unbothered. But then I'm someone who quite misses the days of solo travel and I have no qualms about popping into a restaurant solo. I just can't fathom why anyone else would care about who their fellow diners are sitting with to the point where one would feel self conscious about it...

riverboat1 · 06/02/2016 17:01

If you are set on not going, try phoning customer services of the airline and explaining your situation and trying to get a refund in the form of a voucher. I've had to cancel/change flights a few times and have been surprised to find that if you speak to the right person they can be more flexible than the refund policies on their websites would suggest.

TrappedInAWitchesCurse · 06/02/2016 17:07

Eating in restaurants alone is fine, it honestly is. You can people watch, read, have a chat to the waiter, write in your travel journal if you are keeping one. But if this doesn't sound like you, then you don't HAVE to eat in restaurants - you can eat in cafes if that makes you more comfortable, you can get food from a supermarket and take it back to your hotel room, you can eat street food at a market. All options I've gone for when travelling alone if I haven't wanted to eat in a restaurant.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:07

Jassy, I think people admire others who can get out there and go it alone so in my mind if I saw someone looking at me sitting alone in a restaurant I'd always assume they were thinking - good on her!

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2016 17:12

Oh Trapped, I miss the supermarket/hotel thing! You find out so much about a place from cruising the supermarket aisles.

Jelly - I have to say I'm gobsmacked that sitting in a chair and putting food in my mouth could be seen as admirable! Though that's obv not what OP thinks or she wouldn't feel self conscious.

Frazzled2207 · 06/02/2016 17:13

In your situation I would look into some kind of organised group tour while there. They tend to attract single folk and I've had a great time on plenty.
The secret to eating alone is having something like a book/phone/kindle to look at so you're distracted.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:27

Jelly - I have to say I'm gobsmacked that sitting in a chair and putting food in my mouth could be seen as admirable

Well, Ive never felt Ive been looked at as an oddball so I would only assume the opposite.

ThisHorseCalledDonny · 06/02/2016 17:31

I'm totally with those who say go. I'd be off like a shot. And i did do exactly that 10 or so yrs ago. Dumped the deadweight looser and hot footed it abroad solo.

I'm interested in why you would feel such a chump solo. Not judging or belittling in any way, but as a fairly seasoned solo traveller if I see someone doing an activity unaccompanied my first thought is 'good on you' - thank fuck there's more people like me, rather than 'sad fuck with no friends'

I am massively selfish in some ways and suppose I actually prefer doing some stuff without dragging someone round with me. I can go to a restaurant that I want to go to without compromising and sit and read a book in peace. Bloody love it. Also city breaks. Fab on your own. Go where you want, Talk to people without worrying your mate is bored and wants to do something else.

I feel sad for you that you aren't able to enjoy that sense of total freedom. But don't know what to suggest that might help.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:32

Sorry Jassy, posted to soon

And quite often when you get talking to people at the next table and they bring up the fact you're alone its can almost be taken for granted that people will say - oh I admire you for being able to do that. Granted it may not happen if you're close to home but when you're far away from home it does.

AliceScarlett · 06/02/2016 17:33

Oh you won't be alone for long, stay in a hostel and you will meet people. I'd go, but if you don't want too then try and get a refund or claim on insurance or something

sonjadog · 06/02/2016 17:37

Why don't you see if there is a group tour you can sign up for?

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:40

You can check for group tours from now with the following companies

Expedia

Viator

Getyourguide

They cover most of the world destination wise.

Or you could just google your destination and see for yourself.

TheSnowFairy · 06/02/2016 18:02

Can someone please let me know if OP ever tells us where the trip is?

Cheers Grin

CottonFrock · 06/02/2016 18:11

OP, my cautious, risk-averse 35-year old cousin is a month into a year's solo trip around South America, and having a ball. It's not some way-out activity reserved for insanely extroverted types. My nicest holidays have been solo, where I have been able to pursue my own desires the entire time, without the slightest compromise - Iceland, South India, Oman, Florence, Bavaria, and lots in the UK, France and Ireland.

I'm curious as to the destination, too. Presumably you wanted to see it enough to book an expensive holiday there when the trip was originally arranged, but suddenly you are not interested enough to go now that you're no longer travelling in a couple? Is it because your ex was the instigator, and left to yourself it's not somewhere you'd have chosen, or are you really so utterly paralysed by the idea of travelling solo?

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2016 18:14

Jelly - I don't think I've ever noticed people looking at me, and I've rarely if ever struck up a conversation with the next table'a party in a restaurant. But then I enjoy the chance to decompress after my day - I wish I'd had a kindle in my hardcore solo travelling days, but I got v good at wedging books under plates etc.

I did get a mix of admiration / are you fucking crazy from a very nice bloke my dad's age when I was taking the train alone into and across Russia. (He couldn't figure out why anyone would want to visit Russia, full stop.)

Truckingalong · 06/02/2016 18:27

I honestly don't think eating alone is a big deal. Literally, no one gives even the slightest of figs. That said, I'm in your corner and wouldn't go. It would just hold a great big spotlight up about being alone and I personally would feel lonely, no matter how many nice people I met. I'd write off the flight cost and re-group at home. I'm in the minority view here though and am in quite a steady, staid mood right now, so not one for shouting, 'DO IT' about everything !

Branleuse · 06/02/2016 18:29

If youre home youll be alone too. Id be really surprised if you didnt get anything out of going to your dream destination alone. In fact I think it might even be empowering.

I got dumped by a friend at a festival once and wanted to go home desperatly, but then decided to make the most of it, and it was actually SO liberating when I just changed my mindset a little. There are so many more things you can do by yourself. You dont have to compromise with anyone. You get to do all the things YOU want.
I really recommend you just do it. Take a kindle full of books. It could be amazing, or it could just be an adventure. Your other option is losing a shitload of money and sitting at home doing more of the same.

Lockheart · 06/02/2016 18:34

I regularly make trips to Europe alone, and as a result I usually end up eating in restaurants alone fairly frequently.

I love it Grin I choose where I want to eat and when I want to eat, I can read my book, there's no awkward shuffling around of plates and glasses to accommodate the bread basket, there's no forced conversation, I don't have to worry about whether anyone else wants a starter / dessert / another glass of wine or not. It's great!

I've never understood this terror of eating alone in a restaurant. I am very self-conscious, especially when it comes to my makeup or the way I dress, but eating alone has never bothered me one jot.

I say go on the trip and enjoy yourself!

Dotandethel · 06/02/2016 18:34

I backpacked Australia on my own aged 33 after a turbulent 10year relationship. It was an amazing trip. Felt lonely at times but was very empowering. Do it. You'll surprise yourself Star

3point14159265359 · 06/02/2016 18:39

If your instinct is saying you'd hate it, you're probably right to listen to it.

If it's ages away, don't do anything right now and see how you feel closer to it --nothing to gain by cancelling now. (You can book accommodation really last minute if you change your mind.)

And if you really don't go and really can't get refund you should at least be able to get the airport tax back on your flights, which will be a significant chunk.

terrweath · 06/02/2016 19:05

Does it matter where the trip is? :) I'm currently unable to name change (don't know why, keep getting an error message!) so I am trying to reduce the number of potentially identifying posts I make.

Unfortunately, I definitely can't get any money back, and I have checked. There is part of me who thinks 'sod it' and go; another part doesn't want to bother.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 06/02/2016 19:08

I thought I would love Thailand. I hated almost every moment I was there and cried with relief as I got off the plant at Heathrow.

I thought I would hate the UAE, I absolutely loved it and have returned many times.

I think it's easy to instinctively be fearful of the unknown but you really never know. I just think it's such a shame to let such a great opportunity pass by. I think you'll regret it in the future when you're happier OP.

morningtoncrescent62 · 06/02/2016 19:24

I completely understand your reservations, OP. But if you've paid for the holiday, and you can't get your money back, then why not give it a try? I was very nervous when I holidayed solo for the first time - and yes, like you, it was the prospect of dinner alone in the evening that bothered me most. So my way round it was to have a biggish meal at lunchtime when (I thought) solo eaters were less conspicuous, and then have a snack in my hotel room at night if I needed anything else. After my first couple of solo holidays I soon realised no-one was looking at me, and dinner alone isn't a big deal for me any more. But at first it was, so I do understand.

People here have suggested hostelling. If it's Australia/NZ (I don't know about other destinations on the other side of the world) then forget everything you think you know about hostelling. It's just like staying in a hotel, except that there will be shared kitchens and restaurants, with a culture of eating together and making friends - there are likely to be lots of other people on their own, all ages, and you can be as included as you want to be. When I was in NZ quite a lot of the hostels did evening barbecues which made for a lovely sociable evening. If you don't fancy hostelling, try taking some guided tours as you'll meet people that way too. You don't have to spend time on your own unless you want to.

Failing all of that, have you tried the Thelma and Louise website? There may be other women looking for holiday companions to your destination who'd be only too pleased to join you.

It's already paid for, so what have you got to lose? If you have a horrible time you can put it down to experience and not go again. But you're very likely to enjoy at least some of it.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 06/02/2016 19:31

Is it possible to change the return flight so if you go you can just do it for a few days? So you won't be wasting the entire trip maybe?

CakeNinja · 06/02/2016 19:35

My best friend was in this predicament 3 years ago aged 27. She went in the end and had an absolute ball. She was scared, shitting herself. We both balled our eyes out at the airport when I dropped her off.
She went for 3 months to Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and ended up in Australia.
She came back a different person, it was a total transformation. She is so confident and self assured now.
I recommend it if you are wavering.