To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

[terrweath]

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

I think a lot depends on if you speak the local language; I'm glad I travelled with friends round S. America as I would have felt very daunted doing it on my own. But Oz & NZ were very different.

Prior to going travelling, I'd only ever stayed in very nice hotels & on package tours, with my ex-h. The whole thing seemed daunting.

The thought of being alone was much worse than the reality.

I didn't tend to eat out much in my own. Staying in hostels meant there was a communal kitchen & I would either buy some take-out or cook if I was staying a few days on an area.

At night, I would watch see a show, go for a walk, to the movies, or watch tv in hostel lounge. I did a jungle tour at night, even saw a theatre production.

If you don't fancy being alone, then definitely do an organised your; there's always lots of single people in the same situation.

First of all thanks for explaining why you don't want to reveal the destination.

Travelling alone when I was 37 did more for my self confidence than anything else I have ever done before or since. Like you it had originally been planned as a joint effort, but circumstances changed, although possibly not as traumatically as it sounds like yours have.

Is there any chance the ex would be willing to sell his ticket to a friend of yours who'd like to come too?

Having said, I found I really love NOT having to accommodate a travel partner's wishes. If I want to spend hours in a particular museum it's great not to feel guilty about your mate ostentatiously looking at her phone every thirty seconds!

Please don't think you could manage this only if you were an über confident extrovert. Please don't think all the people describing their experiences of solo travel on this thread are that either. You can be shy and introverted, still go, and still have a memorable experience.

I did when younger (painfully shy, blushed if anyone talked to me, introvert). The thought of it was waaaay scarier than the doing. I felt lonely at times but I also so enjoyed it and it did me so much good.

Before that I always felt I had to have a friend for company. But I realised I didn't need company to make my way in the world, I could do it myself and be truly independent which is an amazing feeling.

Go out for lunch yourself tommorow - a pub lunch, taking a book or phone etc. Go and stay in a hotel for a night on your own somewhere. Go on a train trip etc. Then start looking up accommodation/ excursion options available for when the trip is booked. Get an idea of what is available and what you fancy or not.

I think 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is a great motto. You say you are not 'scared' but I bet you that is what is holding you back.

What's the worst that could happen?

I travel a lot with work, which means eating alone in business hotels. That has never bothered me much. However, age 44 I did my first ever solo holiday in Asia. I loved the days, joined excursions, visited all the sites, etc, but still I found it hard to sit alone in a restaurant in the evening, so most days I would have a large midday meal and just a snack/ street food in the evening. I am glad I can travel alone, and the little inconvenience of the evenings is worth it. I think you should go and if you don't enjoy it, at least you know it is not for you. On the other hand, you might surprise yourself.

I really wouldn't enjoy eating alone at all. It would give me no pleasure; the exact opposite, in fact.

Why spend money on something I would dislike immensely?

I get not everyone understands this, but if - IF - I go on this trip, it will not feature restaurants.

I'd be totally terrified, because of how shy I am.

But yet I'd also think that if I'd got the flights, it would be better to go, even if I spent much of the time holed up in a hotel room.

I travelled on my own and did a lot of buying stuff in supermarkets and having picnics because I was scared of going into places. But a few times, I was brave enough to go in, and I just took a book or a newspaper and ate at a restaurant alone.

But now I worry about what you'd think of me, when you say you would feel self-conscious eating in a restaurant alone, because I did sometimes. Do you think I was a loser for being there on my own? It makes me embarrassed to think that is what people thought. Would you have been looking at me, wondering why I was alone? Wondering why I was single?

Erm, no

Not liking something myself doesn't reflect on others who do it.

But saying that you'd be self-conscious, rather than simply not liking it, implies that you notice and take a view others who do.

I am amazed how many people on here love eating out alone, I sometimes do it when away from work, and don't see very many women eating out alone at all, slightly more men.

I don't mind it, but it isn't really enjoyable for me, sitting in a restaurant which I tend to think of as a sociable experience, staring at my Kindle. Having said that, it is better not in the UK, and in warmer places as you can watch the people go by and have a coffee.

OP, it is your life Some people would love this, I know I wouldn't, but I am not a traveler at heart, so going traveling by myself wouldn't be for me in any shape or form. I do it for work when I have to and am always glad to get home. People are different, it could be an amazing adventure but you know yourself best.

I disagree that feeling self-conscious when you are eating alone means you are judging others, it just means you feel conspicuous. I feel just the same, even though I do do it (as get hungry and don't want to eat alone in a hotel room all the time).

I don't love it either. but I know that sometimes I'd have to. Or I'd eat at a cafe, as for me it was the shyness about going in.

But yes, it was the idea that it was something that makes you self-conscious that makes it sound like you are inadvertently judging people, because there's more to it than just not liking it. And I'm embarrassed doing stuff that other people say they'd be too self-conscious about doing, because I know they are somehow noticing me then.

Well, if people are going to take the post that way then that's how they will take it. I feel self conscious dancing as well but I hardly sit around sneering at dancers!

Hi OP. I gave myself a gap break in my 30s. I am very introverted (still), was terrified of eating alone, decided to go somewhere where I could not speak two words of the local language ('cos I'm a bit mad/just like making things tricky for myself). I had an absolute ball. Met wonderful friends (nine years on still friends, one is very close); learnt a ton about other people and a megaton about myself. Eating alone is not always fun. At first it's hideous (go at a quiet time, read a book, eat fast), but honestly it gets better and now when I have to eat alone I actually really enjoy it (what do I really want, possibly a book - but actually mostly to cover up that I am people watching like a loon). Haven't used these but there are sites like wandermates or womenontheroad which might help you meet people on the way.
Good luck. Have fun

You don't seem to want to hear of others' experiences or suggestions, which is a shame.

It is fear holding you back. That's why you think you wouldn't like anything suggested.

Of course know you can choose not to go and ultimately it doesn't matter what any of us think, but you can't blame others for seeing what an wasted opportunity it is.

Don't go. You obviously won't enjoy it. Write it off and put it down to experience.

Not at all, oven; I've enjoyed these posts, I've just tried to be clear that I don't fancy sitting stuffing my face alone!

My usual take on eating alone is to find an interesting place. Somewhere with live music, or where I can people watch, or has an interesting decoration, or where I can really appreciate the food.
Being alone wouldn't be my choice, normally, but these strategies help make it much more enjoyable.

But, as you said, you wouldn't have to go to restaurants as such. Depending on where you go to, you could find more relaxed settings where you'd feel less self conscious alone.

Also you could try eating smaller meals more often like cafes, picnics, take aways? Just trying things out till you realise that (almost) no one will notice (and those that do will be thinking you're great!)

You don't need to eat in restaurants! Especially if it's Australia. There's more of a cafe culture - eat at lunchtime/in malls, snack in the evening.

I'm assuming you're coming here, but I think the same applies to most long distance destinations.

You could use the time to recharge with no obligations from anybody - no work or partner. Get up early, sit on the beach, watch the sun come up and breathe the ocean air. Visit Taronga Zoo, look at the amazing views over the harbour and see the native animals.

Tour the opera house, go paddleboarding, drive up the coast - the scenery is breathtaking.

There is so much you could do, that will stay with you, that doesn't need a friend or partner.

Don't stress about being on your own. Who cares? If you see somebody on their own on a plane or in a cafe do you think "you saddo?" or do you not even bother to wonder whey they are alone? They could be a business traveller, or somebody travelling with a large party who wanted to go off and explore. It doesn't matter.

What a terrible waste of a thread and a trip overseas. I don't think I'll bother sharing my experiences

That's a waste of a post, kinky!

Thanks, everyone. I will do some thinking. It isn't about thinking people 'sad' at all if they are alone, I'm not horrible like that. But just the same, I always thought when I did a trip like this I'd be sharing all the experiences with someone special and it feels like a huge step down to just see them alone. An ancient philosopher said much the same I believe so it's not just me :)

I do know what you mean about eating alone in a sit-down sort of place, I did do it one night and it was well.. weird. After that I took to only eating lunch out and 'picnicing' for the evenings.

It was still fantastic.

A couple of pps have said something on the lines of it being far worse to regret what you didn't do than to regret what you did.

Don't abandon ship just yet!

Why do you use such negative language? It's actually quite insulting to those trying to help you "stuffing my face" - no eating a meal or snack, "traipsing round the beach" - no spending time on the beach.

You don't want to go so don't go. I'm wondering if you're depressed to be honest. The way you're discounting and being hopeless about any suggestion made.

A step down to go alone? In what way? Are these experiences less meaningful as a single person then? Are you less of a person unless accompanied? I honestly don't understand that way of thinking. You'd do without an experience of a life time because you haven't got someone to hold your hand?