To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

[terrweath]

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

I've travelled to Australia alone twice although I was going to stay with friends. The flight is fine. Books/kindle, magazines, watch movies and drink wine. People were jealous just of that!

I did some touristy stuff on my own as friends were busy. Never an issue.

I used to feel self conscious eating in restaurants alone but it's really not an issue. Look around any restaurant or cafe and you will see people on their own. It's fine. After a couple of times it really won't bother you.

I wouldn't nanny as I've moved jobs due to the circumstances.

OP, I said you need to learn to cope with restaurants on your own for a number of reasons. Because, in the short term, if you can't sit in a restaurant on your own you're probably restricting yourself if your relationship has broken up. In the longer term, you're really restricting yourself over and over again if you can't contemplate going to a restaurant on your own. Have you never had times when, say, you're out shopping and you fancy treating yourself to a bite? Or you're killing time before meeting someone so it makes sense to go and get a coffee on your own? I regularly go to conferences and go on other work trips on my own, and if I was too self conscious to sit in a restaurant on my own I would have a miserable time hiding away in my room eating sandwiches or having room service. Generally, I think it's the route to a pretty depressing life if you can never, ever go somewhere nice unless you have company.

Op you sound a bit like me, I probably wouldn't either. Nothing worse to make you feel more self conscious than wandering around alone. Some people enjoy that but I personally wouldn't. However it's quite a bit of cash to waste. Are u sure u can't get a friend / family member to join you.

terrweath I was in a very similar situation.

Holiday to Oz booked and paid for and I found out my ex was cheating on me. Hotels refundable but flights not. I had saved up all my holiday from work to take December off and couldn't carry it over so I had to take the leave.

I went anyway. I was absolutely petrified. I am not a hostel person either, but I did stay in a few but with my own room. I also didn't think I could eat in a restaurant alone but I did! I also went to the cinema alone for the first time

I went on organised trips - a sailing trip round the whitsundays was a particular highlight and made friends along the way.

It was hugely empowering - I went away heartbroken and with absolutely no self esteem but came back with so much confidence.

Financially - it's another matter, if you can't afford it then you are better to cut your losses.

Yes, but having coffee alone is very different to eating alone, in a sit down restaurant, isn't it?

Glad someone else understands Always . Definitely no one to go with me, sadly!

Oh please don't give up this opportunity. You don't have to stroll along beaches, or anything like that. Go to museums, wander round markets, look at the architecture of wherever you're staying. I utterly adore travelling alone. Love it with my husband too, but often he's not able to join me.

And if you don't like sitting in restaurants alone, nobody bats an eye at people sitting alone in Macdonalds!

I just agree with everyone who has said you should go.

Tbh, I really don't understand women who in this day and age feel in any way uncomfortable about eating in a restaurant on their own. Why would you, or anyone else, think it's stupid? I love eating out with family and friends but I also love researching really good restaurants, bars, and cafes and savouring the food and drink there .

I do take a Kindle or book and also people watch/ soak up the atmosphere.

I've never been treated badly by the staff and it's honestly never occurred to me that anyone else there would pity me - or even be interested in me.

In same way, I'm very happy sightseeing and going to theatre and cinema on my own. Not so keen on lying on a beach because I find that quite boring anyway.

Honestly nobody will care if you are sat on your own eating (in the nicest possible sense)

I went to Spain last summer on my own in a 4 star hotel which was an adults only resort so lots of people together. I just chilled by the pool, read books and mags and drank wine, had a lovely relaxing time.

The first few times I sat in a restaurant alone I felt really self conscious. Now I'm fine with it. I travelled abroad alone for the first time last year and it was scary, but strangely liberating. I would do it again.

Eating in a restaurant on my own is definitely not for me, glad others can do it but I really know I would hate it.

I've eaten alone loads of times, for various reasons. Just take a book or your laptop and no-one will notice or care.

I am shy, so would rule out making friends (then if you do its a nice bonus).

But I like doing things alone. Eating in a restaurant alone really doesn't bother me, I just take a book. I much prefer going to galleries and museums on my own than with other people. Sightseeing alone I get might be a bit odd, but just take loads of photos.

In the evenings I would probably have dinner and a walk then retire early and watch stuff on my laptop.

If anyone asks why you are alone (which they won't) you can say you are there on business. Or just tell yourself that in your head when you are in restaurants or sightseeing: 'I came on a business trip and am just doing a bit of extra tourist stuff on my days off and it is normal to be alone'. Give yourself that story in your head to protect you from feeling self conscious.

You should go! I went to oz alone after a breakup when I was 23, had the best time - you won't regret going, but you might regret it if you don't.

Thank you, but I don't think it's for me

terrweath are you willing to share the destination? If it is somewhere I know I'll put together a two week itinerary for you if you like trying to find places that are cheap to stay where you have a chance of finding company and day trips / excursions again where you might meet people.

I'm reasonably well travelled so it may well be that it's somewhere I e been.

Can't help wondering why you asked the original question then?
Can only guees that reading the vast majority of posts urging you to go and reassuring you that dining etc alone is not a problem (and I thought Gruntled's reply on that was particularly good) have only confirmed your anxieties, which is a shame. Of course, it's your decision not ours.
To answer one of your earlier questions, yes for me having a meal in a 'sit down' restaurant is exactly the same as having a coffee in a cafe - just takes longer and, hopefully, there's more food and drink to enjoy!

But make friends with who? I am well into my thirties, not an 18 yo on a gap year

Well Im closer to 60 than 50 and Ive travelled on my own to many a far flung place since the break up of my then 36 year marriage, almost 3 years ago.

There are times when it can be a bit lonely but ploughing on till its not lonely by doing things to get through it is one of the best things ever.

As for eating alone in a restaurant? Ive never had any trouble with doing that for the simple fact people get hungry and have to eat so there's bound to be loads of people out eating alone all of the time or there would be people dropping like flies and bodies everywhere if they decided to starve instead. And there's not!

Im also a bit shy but Ive learned how to make conversation and by doing that Ive come to realise that Im not so shy at all because sometime's all we're missing is the exposure to the art of conversation and nothing else.

And just to add, I do know what its like to step out of your comfort zone completely because thats what I do - I deliberately set myself a challenge of a trip that includes things I really want to experience but I just don't do it the easy way.

You'll learn so much about yourself along the way and trust me when I tell you that you'll come back from your trip, look over your shoulder and say - thats where you belong matey - a few step behind the wonderful me who's just pulled that trip off on my own.

And trust me when I tell you that you wont be the object of pity on your trip - people will actually admire you for going solo!

I am now imagining that people like OP are silently judging me every time every time I eat alone in a restaurant...

Generally, I think it's the route to a pretty depressing life if you can never, ever go somewhere nice unless you have company

That is spot on.

But there is also this - how can we be with someone if we don't know how to be alone and happy?

I am now imagining that people like OP are silently judging me every time every time I eat alone in a restaurant

Probably, but I doubt its in a bad way

If you think you won't enjoy it, or you can't afford it, I guess I'd look into auctioning off the tickets - is it possible to change the names on them?

However, if it was me, and it's not a destination that's dangerous for women, I would definitely go! You do feel a bit self conscious sitting in a restaurant alone, I'll give you that. However, personally I often go for a drink by myself in London, and (although I would never admit this to anyone) I quite like the way it looks as well - I have the idea that a woman alone, because it's slightly unusual, looks slightly mysterious and interesting. Also, would you have to eat in a restaurant every night? Is it a city where there are other likely to be other travellers, or meetup groups attended by locals? Could you look into doing language classes while you're there, or something like that? But yeah, obvs don't feel bad about selling the tickets if you reckon you'd be miserable (especially if you're still feeling sad about the breakup).

You don't sound like the sort of person who believes in this sort of thing but what if your 'soulmate' is there at the same time as you and you come back with more than a suntan?

Why won't you say where the trip is to???

Yes, but having coffee alone is very different to eating alone, in a sit down restaurant, isn't it?

But that's not the only example I gave, OP. Having said that, if you don't have a problem with having coffee on your own in a restaurant, then realistically eating on your own in a restaurant actually isn't that different. It's obviously up to you, but you are potentially condemning yourself to a fairly miserable life if you won't eat in a restaurant and won't contemplate going on holiday unless there's someone with you.