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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the other side of the world on my own?

241 replies

terrweath · 06/02/2016 13:45

After a breakup, I still have tickets for dream destination booked.

I know there are some good reasons why I should maybe go anyway but AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/02/2016 15:26

Personally, I would go. I always feel like I'd rather regret doing something, than not doing something, iykwim?

I'm also not really a hostel type person but I would love to go somewhere on my own, I relish being alone and spending some time pleasing only myself. I'm also tight as a gnat's chuff and it would bother me more losing the money for the flights than spending more on accommodation!

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:29

I don't get paid holidays Hermione.

I hate the idea of sitting in a restaurant on my own. I hate the thought of traipsing round beaches on my own. I just - cripes. It is a shame, I wanted to go, but I don't think I can.

OP posts:
Lweji · 06/02/2016 15:29

Of course you can sit in a restaurant by yourself. Take a book or your phone to distract yourself.
If you join in group trips chances are you'll find single people or small groups that you can join in for meals later on too.
Even chat to the waiters/resses about good places to visit or things to do.

And you don't have to stay at hostels at all to make friends.
Having said that, sometimes there are niche hostels with very comfortable single/double rooms. And not particularly cheap either.

Lweji · 06/02/2016 15:29

Where is it?

Dowser · 06/02/2016 15:32

If you're not a very outgoing person,this trip could be the making of you.

There will be parts that you will hate!

There will be parts that you are uncomfortable with!

There will be parts that are ok!

There might be a few moments that you love!

These are the ones to cherish. The ones you will look back with fond memories.

The first two will be the ones that you will be the most proud of on your return for doing it. These are the circumstances that make you grow as a person.

I did some pretty weird and wacky stuff after my 33 year marriage broke up. I went skiing on my own to Colorado. I didn't like it very much but stepping out my comfort zone was a huge boost for my ego.

I remember crying in my first night in a hotel in Cuba thinking what the hell I am I doing here. While all my other holidays paled Into Insignificance I have fond memories of that very difficult chapter in my life and imet some amazing people.

SauvignonPlonker · 06/02/2016 15:32

OP, please go! I travelled solo round Australia on my own, post-divorce in my 30's. There were so many other women in the same situation.

I stayed in YHA youth hostels, they were a bit nicer than most.

Met so many great people, had the time of my life.

Did the Sydney bridge climb, went to the opera on my own; I even jumped out of a perfectly good plane at 10,000 feet, doing a parachute jump over the Great Barrier Reef.

It was so liberating, and laid a lot of demons to rest for me, after my break up. I gained so much confidence from doing it myself.

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 15:32

Why is it "traipsing round beaches" why isn't it "relaxing on beaches with a book and a cocktail"?

GruntledOne · 06/02/2016 15:32

I definitely couldn't sit in a restaurant on my own.

Why not? Take a good book or Kindle with you, or sit somewhere where you can see the view. Use the time to look at the guide books and plan the next bit of sightseeing. I love going to restaurants on my own, it's nice to sit in peace having a good meal and relaxing without thinking about making conversation. Learn to enjoy your own company and not be dependent on other people!

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:33

I know what you're saying, Dowser, but just the same, I don't really want the trip to help me as a person, exactly, I just wanted to go!

I really don't think I can afford it, anyway.

OP posts:
SauvignonPlonker · 06/02/2016 15:34

When I was out there, a tour by Jarmbie (IIRC) was full of other mid-30's travellers. A really friendly lot of people.

Dowser · 06/02/2016 15:34

Are you going to tell us where it is?

Lweji · 06/02/2016 15:34

This trip alone may also be very good for you to start feeling comfortable being alone instead of in a relationship.

Being alone in a restaurant is not that bad. Sure, it's better with company, but it's still better alone than in annoying company. :)
And once you do it the first time, you'll wonder why you were afraid of doing it.

SaltySeaBird · 06/02/2016 15:34

To be honest if you can't sit in a restaurant by your own you probably won't enjoy travel by yourself.

It's a shame though that you need company in order to experience things. Solo travel is fine at any age, I'm almost 40 and have had many enjoyable trips or days both with and without company. Even though I've been married for over 15 years I still do some solo trips for practical reasons, I can always find interesting company if I want it but often I'm happy without.

I'd urge you to go but I can't say you'll love it. Try going for a coffee and cake by yourself and see how you get on.

Salimali15 · 06/02/2016 15:35

Is it a place that you can do an organised tour of? I did quite a few alone through my 20s and early 30s and made life-long friends. It is a much easier to feel less lonely if you are moving around and seeing somewhere new each day.

NannyR · 06/02/2016 15:37

Tell us where you are going - there are probably people on here who've been there too and could give you some helpful pointers to make it a bit less daunting.

Guitargirl · 06/02/2016 15:39

Lots of people on the thread have recounted their positive stories of travelling alone.

I have had some amazing experiences of lone travel which I really treasure and hope to look back fondly on in my dotage.

But to be honest you don't sound up for it at all. I don't think there's any point in going if you're not in the right frame of mind.

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:40

I'm not scared of sitting in a restaurant alone. I just would personally feel self conscious and stupid.

OP posts:
GruntledOne · 06/02/2016 15:43

You really need to get over your problems with sitting in restaurants alone, OP. Loads of people do it, so no-one would think you in the least stupid, and if you have something like a book to read there is no reason to feel self conscious.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 06/02/2016 15:44

If you really don't want to go then of course YANBU not to go.

I think you're silly though - I'd go on a 2 week long haul holiday on my own in a heart beat, and I'm 40 :o Take an ereader loaded with books for when you don't want to talk to anyone, or if you just want to look as if you're not looking for somebody to talk to Wink

Mind you I have a DH and 3 youngish kids (young enough to still follow me about being demanding, old enough to cope for 2 weeks with DH if I had to go on a solo dream holiday :o ) who are generally in the same room as me if they aren't at school, and much as I love them that can make the theoretical idea of 2 weeks alone, eating meals I didn't cook in restaurants with a book and doing whatever I want on my own all day with no chores or errands hanging over me sound like an incredible luxury, whether it was in a dream destination or just some where ordinary... :o

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:44

Genuine question Gruntled - why?

OP posts:
NickiFury · 06/02/2016 15:48

It's two weeks and a bit of cash. What have you got to lose? Did you just want people to say "it's fine not to go?" Ok "it's fine not to go". Personally I think you sound like you need a kick up the a*se and should bite the bullet and go! Wink

pocketsaviour · 06/02/2016 15:49

I would go if I could afford it, but then I much prefer being on my own and don't mind eating alone.

The flights are paid for, but the accommodation isn't
If this is the case AND you don't get paid holidays then I'd definitely sack it off. Are the flights transferable at all? if you call the airline and tell them a sob story check you might be able to get an agreement to transfer - then you could sell them on.

Original poster
terrweath · 06/02/2016 15:50

Maybe I will Nicki, but in my defence it's more than a bit of cash! Shock

Initially, I thought I wouldn't go, then I thought I would. Now I think I don't want to ...

OP posts:
NannyR · 06/02/2016 15:53

But if you hadn't split up and were going on the holiday as planned you would still have had to spend the money and take the unpaid leave.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 06/02/2016 15:53

Sorry about the breakup terrweath and I don't think you're entirely BU not to fancy it any more.

Looking from the outside in though, you say you're not rolling in money, so the ticket would be a waste of funds. You say it's your dream destination, so passing up the ticket is wasting a good opportunity.

I understand the shy or self conscious thing more. Is it a beach destination only or a place where there are lots of sight seeing opportunities?
It makes a big difference to the replies you'll get.

Independent travellers stand out much less than you think and people do travel alone for all kinds of varied reasons. Meals don't always have to be taken in restaurants and some AirBnB venues are lovely, if you choose carefully they can be brilliant value too.

On balance I think there are more reasons to go than not to go and from experience, some of the things I haven't particularly wanted to do have turned out to be some of the best things I've ever done.

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