To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

Oh please. I've been continuously accused of profiteering off my sister. Told I'm loafing off my husband and told I'm a terrible person for thinking about asking a grown adult for money to live with me and my family for a year.

My original aibu didn't ask any of those questions as I have repeated tediously for other poster who can read a full thread, I asked aibu to charge a set amount or should I instead charge per bill once worked out. I have appreciated the useful and at times opinionated responses. I don't appreciate people repeating that they think it's too high with insults thrown in. It's not the uk. I said the amount was a guide.that's really it

We've all debated OP but it only matters that you and DH are comfortable and your sister is equally comfortable.

We can't comment on direct costs if we don't know the cost of living.
You're not her parent and she wants to start living an independent life, but with you she has some added benefits and security in a new country.
I'm sure you'll get it right.

I have said we can't afford a person staying for free.
This has been explicitly explained to my sister so this 'I'd let her stay for free' isn't relevant. We can't let her stay for free. We need to cover her costs. Aibu to ask for a set fee or ask her to pay per bill?
Crikey

Enrique thank you I'll be fine. Might leave 5his thread now as I feel like people are too consumed with the amount of money potentially charged rather than the intended aibu.
Good luck finding a relative you can take advantage of for a free holiday.

I think £100/week is perfectly fair, including all of the things you've said. It doesn't matter whether you would be paying costs anyway, the idea is that you are saving your sister from needing to rent her own place, and pay her own bills which would be a lot more than £100/week!

You might decide to only include her main meals (dinner, and amenities for breakfast and lunch) in that amount and she can buy any extras - fancy snacks, expensive toiletries etc. herself.

Either way it's a total bargain for her!

Enrique thank you I'll be fine. Might leave 5his thread now as I feel like people are too consumed with the amount of money potentially charged rather than the intended aibu.
Good luck finding a relative you can take advantage of for a free holiday

And thank you to the posters who clearly understood IWBU and took the time to reply.

My toes curl at the thought of charging a relative for hospitality, even for a year. I just couldn't do it, personally.

But if you cannot afford it, you cannot afford it. I think she should be expected to pay for her share of the food and booze - and thus should get input into what is being purchased, not just handed a tab for part of your normal shop.

And of course it would be courteous of her to treat you and your husband to dinner (at home or in a restaurant) say every two weeks or so during her stay, and help out with housework and childcare. I think it would be beyond petty to bill her for the small amount of extra water and electricity a guest would use.

Whatever you do, don't spring this on her after she arrives. Talk or message her before she purchases her plane ticket with a rough estimate of what you think fair. She might disagree and want to change her plans.

What age is she, out of curiosity.

Having RTFT, I sense it may be better if the 'precious snowflake's sister' doesn't stay with OP...

We've never sprung anything on her. I have said months before that she can stay in the uk and rent a place or come here and enjoy the delights of Australia for a tiny amount of what it would cost a normal backpacker to live here with perks. Perks they're happy to have.

They're late 20's so can't have this experience again and be able to work otherwise we'd say wait a while until we can afford it better. Plus it's not me affording it financially it's dh who works out of the home. If I was working it might be a less issue but dh is funding for me to stay at home with DC and now potentially if some mumsnet users suggest, he should also fund a fully competent working adult.

I am a bit confused why you refer to your sister as "they" constantly.

Really? Should I explain again. It's a colloquial term. They as in my sister. So they will be coming as in my sister will be coming. Is that the only input you have?

You told her she can stay in the UK or come to stay with you in Australia? Can't she decide for herself, this fully competent working adult, where she's going to live?

OP. Only you know what you can afford, and what your circumstances are. I am a single parent and if i had somebody to stay here with me for a year, then the water costs, electricity costs etc would all increase back to what they were when XH was here, but without a second income to help cover it!. I couldn't afford to subsidize somebody else to live here with me and pay for all of their food and utility use etc.

Of course your DH shouldn't have to pay for her to live there. It is totally fair to charge her once she has found a job and can pay her way. If she had to go out and rent a flat it would cost her way more.

Like you say, it would end up costing you more money, and your sister could end up saving money. That is not fair.

Your sister should want to and be quite happy to, pay for her fair share of food and utilities. you are talking about a whole year here, not a month's visit.

Just be clear about what is included and what isn't and there can't be any arguments. You are giving her a fabulous opportunity.

See I don't get this "not you affording it but your DH" stuff. Surely he doesn't earn "his" money, he earns "family" money? So your family, of which you are a part, would be supporting her. Wouldn't make any difference if you were the main wage earner, unless you think that your sister should pay but if your dh's sister wanted to come over she shouldn't have to (because DH is main earner). If you'd charge your dh's sister (assuming he has one) then the person who earns is irrelevant. Although obviously if you were earning you'd have more income generally.

If you're going to charge her and have agreed on that basis then a fixed monthly rate is easier to budget towards. Especially for someone learning how to budget - fixed fee per month is a more gradual introduction to managing money. $180 AUD per week is too much (in my opinion) though - but you've obviously done your maths and got to that figure.

Those were her choices focusfocus. She was going to move into a rental in the uk (her choice) or as I suggested move here and stay instead and enjoy a year in a beautiful country with job opportunities and amazing tourist supplies, but pay us a little bit to have her here instead.
Am I really a horrible person?

If I were your sister, I'd prefer a set amount. Easier to budget rather than have a few weeks where things worked out cheaply, then an expensive week where she has to suddenly find 'extra' cash to cover higher costs.

If you find after a while that you are making a profit and you're not comfortable with that, you could easily just give her some money back. Likewise if it's not enough, you'll need to up it, so it might be a good idea to suggest you review costs after a month or so.

Have you talked about what will happen if she doesn't get a job straight away? It's probably worth clarifying that her contribution begins when she arrives, not potentially several weeks (or months) down the line when she gets a job, so she is definitely aware that her savings will go down if she can't get a job rather than living off you for free.

OP, you are not a horrible person. If she had rented a place in the UK, where could she live for £87 a week that included rent, food and all utilities? I live in a rural area but the cheapest flats round here are £350 a month, without any other bills.

Not horrible to charge for a little food but realistically if you are home anyway and she's be at work your utility bills won't be different. Charging a laptop or mobile will be negligible.

For that much money I'd rather stay in a house share rather than with family. I'd not feel welcome if being asked to pay that much and would see it as a subtle hint it wasn't really what they wanted.

Not even if I'd said you're welcome but this is the amount we're asking? They're very welcome. I expect to go out every weekend with them plus have bbqs to welcome them plus do extra shifts out so they're seeing the sights. I just can't do.any of those things on zero cash

Typo sorry
Not ever if i said

DPs sister lived with us for six months. She paid the grand total of... £0. She bought her own food sometimes but generally are our stuff. Never offered to chip in for bills. Never babysat. It got very annoying!!

Would she not be better getting a house share if she wants to be independent?

As in zero cash from them
We can't afford to go out now anywhere so if they came and did as some mumsnetters suggest, we'd be spiraling into debt

Them getting a hostel wouldn't really work as they're quite a shy individual and don't necessarily like other people. Living with us is a huge step out of their comfort zone and I'm here to support that.

If OP (as has said) is struggling to make her household budget work with the existing number of people, and the sister will add extra strain that they can't afford, then it's not at all unreasonable to ask for a contribution. Weekly and agreed in advance seems much more practical.

Of course it is lovely if you are in the position to be able to host friends/family in your home for long periods and just absorb the extra cost, but not everyone can do that.

So essentially she'd be paying for the days out and food (bbq) that you, DH and children get the benefit out of as well? That shows its not about covering her own costs at all.