To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

[MuggerBe]

God it's still going. Instead of reading the full thread and responding to my aibu people are still responding to me charging £100 a week which as I've explained in laborious detail, was a rough approximation and instead I asked aibu to charge a flat fee or break down each bill separately.

My sister isn't being forced to come here. If she wants to stay in a hostel then that's fine. I can't imagine many will be able to provide full board for $180 or £350 uk per month but she's welcome to do that. I mean who would want to live with me the profiteering bitch sister. ☺

Can those bitchin rtft thanks

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Mugger If your sister doesn't fancy it can I come?

I can work a washing machine all by myself, know lots about kids so would be a great babysitter (see my username), non smoker, rarely drink, feel the cold so ?I wouldn't be overusing the air con.

It'd be good for Dh to have a few months "bonding time" with the kids - right?

[MadameDePompom]

I'll come too. Throw in a hot surfer and I'll stump up an extra $50!

[EllieJayJay]

£100 a week is fair enough, for everything... a nice room all bills included someone cooking you meals, someone washing your bed linens, your clothes..

Yes please, sign me up!

[SoThatHappened]

I dont think the OP will be doing all her laundry and clothes too.

[MadameDePompom]

You seem overly invested in this SoThatHappened. Why is that?

[StUmbrageinSkelt]

Just because one Aussie household has approx $800 a month of bills doesn't mean we all do. I can't be arsed figuring out mine but that's a very cheap electricity bill. We've got solar and I pay that and more.

$180 seems very reasonable to me once she is working.

[MuggerBe]

Sothathappened is furious. Why would I not be doing the washing. It's me who does it now for three of us so I assume it'll be tossed into our pile and get washed at the same time.

It doesn't matter what other people think about costs. Hostels here are $20 per night up to $35. I'm happy to provide my home but at a cost. Nothing wrong with saying to someone this is the cost and you're going to be in my home for a year and so I can charge this. Take it or leave it. Not profiting at all. Simply recompensed for the fact I'm giving half of my house away. Half of my privacy. Everything. For a year. While they earn a fortune and save thousands potentially. Would people really think it was fair to live in London for example, earn city wages and tell a relative 'you put me up for a year for free while I save thousands of pounds'. You'd be pretty selfish.

[Gooseysgirl]

In answer to your original OP I would stick with set amount of £87 initially... Review after a couple of months. I think it's fair. If I was staying with my sister I would be v happy to pay that rather than have to go to the hassle of renting!

[sykadelic]

Why don't you ask for a set amount as "prepayment" for bills. Once the bills come, compare them to your last years bills for the same time period and "charge them" the difference for the bills. OR times that by the number of people in her "family group".

When it comes to food, do the same as the bills. Laundry, have her wash her own. Then you can give her back the difference.

Honestly though, as you said in your last post, I'm giving half of my house away. Half of my privacy. Everything. For a year. While they earn a fortune and save thousands potentially They shouldn't be profiting from you either. A lot can change in a year so set a figure that you'd be happy with if they're then off swanning around spending the thousands they're earning and savings.

[accendo]

I think it is very reasonable, I'm in a large rural town on the coast of Australia. Our rent here is $550 per week and we spend about $400/500 per week on food for 2 adults and 4 kids, food is very expensive here. Petrol even more so, Australia is gorgeous and we live within half an hour in 3 directions of some truly gorgeous beaches but by God we pay for it.

[LillianGish]

I can't believe what a hard time the OP has got on this thread. Her sister is 28, she is not going on holiday for a few weeks she is going to live there for a year and work in all likelihood - of course it's not unreasonable to ask for a contribution. In answer to the OP I think a fixed amount is much simpler for your sis so she knows what she's in for and can budget. £100 sounds reasonable - for those who say she could live somewhere else for that price, I'd say let her do that if she wants to. I'm sure she'd much rather live with you and that your house will be much nicer than anything else she can afford. For the record, even if I was just staying for a week with friends (or family) I'd still make a contribution - either doing a food shop or taking everyone out for dinner. I can't believe so many people on here think it's fine to just go and live for free for as long as you like with someone just because they are family when you are old enough to support yourself.

[MidniteScribbler]

I'm an Australian and I think that $180 a week is a fair amount for full bed and board here. If the OP is in Sydney, then I think she's actually undercharging.

That said, there is no way I would want someone else staying in my home for that long. I'd go absolutely round the twist. If the idea is for the sister to develop some independence, then I think she should actually be looking for a flat share. Living with her sister who is going to do all her washing is not really encouraging independence. Perhaps say she can stay for the first three months so she gets settled, then she should be looking for somewhere else.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Simply recompensed for the fact I'm giving half of my house away. Half of my privacy. Everything. For a year. While they earn a fortune and save thousands potentially.

This has changed somewhat. Originally the payment was to cover costs. Now it seems to include some kind of premium in respect of inconvenience to you and that doesn't sit comfortably with me

All of the people likening this to renting a flat etc, it's absolutely not the same. It's s family member coming to stay. And I know the costs of living in Australia as I've lived there myself

To be honest, I don't think this is going to work. I would offer to host her for a month - charge an amount if you must for food. During that month help her find a flat share etc. If she can't/doesn't like it, she can go back to the UK

[OzzieFem]

After reading all the posts than I think MScribbleridnite and Gobbolinothewitchsca have nailed it.

I love my sister and vice versa, we are always there for each other in times of difficulty/ illness etc.,but found living in her home uncomfortable post major op and requested being taken home a week early (not allowed to drive for three months). Not relevant to this post, but just to point out that even sisters can get on each others nerves when confined together as adults.

Anyway, regardless of whether she is your sister or not, I think the above posties advice is the better option. Agree to a set amount for 1 - 2 months, with the idea of her looking for a place to stay in the meantime. If you find you get on OK, then review the situation together. I think you have the right idea.

[silversparrow]

Not profiting at all. Simply recompensed for the fact I'm giving half of my house away. Half of my privacy. Everything. For a year. While they earn a fortune and save thousands potentially

This is the contradiction. You say you will not make a profit, that she will only be covering her living costs. You then say you expect monetary compensation for 'giving up' half of your house and privacy!

Nothing wrong with this if you tell her now, before she comes. By all means charge her for use of room and facilities but be upfront! Don't insist it's only her share of the bills/food if it isn't. She may choose to live somewhere cheaper for the year. She may not want her sister washing her undies, cleaning her room or cooking her meals or want to pay for these services.

From your posts, it sounds like your sister is struggling a bit (shy, doesn't like people, needs experience of independent living etc). Has someone put pressure on you to accommodate her? You sound resentful about having her in your house, loss of privacy etc. If that's the case wouldn't it be better for everyone if she lived nearby for the year but not in your house? Could she find a room in a quiet house or rent a bedsit nearby?

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

The more you post OP, the more it sounds like you are resentful of her. A flat share elsewhere seems the way to go.

It keeps changing, first there's no profit, then the money will cover trips and bbqs for all not just her share, then it's a premium for losing privacy. Not quite sure why you lose half a house given there's one of her and many of you.

You say £350 a month wouldnt cover costs in the UK but I could host two or three guests for that much easily. My mortgage wouldn't change, my electricity wouldn't go up that much from the extra personal items and heating would be the same. Water and food would increase but easily covered by that amount with plenty spare.

[OurBlanche]

The more you post OP, the more it sounds like you are resentful of her.

I don't think so. I think she sounds more and more frustrated with the posters who are determined to re-write her life and make her singly the most evil, selfish money grabbing bitch.

Nothing she says will appease the "We Need to feel Superior" Gods of MN.

[SuperFlyHigh]

OurBlanche actually if it is family and the sister is a close relative then OP does seem a bit strange re her welcoming ways etc. she says this is down to her DH but then she reiterates what she's been saying before about costs and privacy.

To be honest it seems to me (when I last posted) that OP is a bit fed up of her DSis living at home with her parents and being able to save well into her 20s (but that's between her DSis and her parents) whilst OP has made a family and home in another country but obviously there are money struggles. It seems to me like OP thinks her DSis has it good.

I moved out when I was about 19 but when it came to buying a flat etc moved back home to mums house in my mid 20s for 18 months and then late 20s until I was 30, then bought a flat. I did a bit regress (it was easier and cheaper for my mum to do my washing In with her and my stepdads, it was easier for her to cook a family meal (and saved gas/electric) rather than me cook. So I know both sides. My brother would never have dreamed of criticising me though he was always far more independent and rarely moved home (apart from when he broke his knee and first wife kicked him out...) we were just different people. it seems like OP is determined that her DSis will learn and there doesn't (tell me if I'm wrong) seem to be that much understanding of the DSis, moving out and being independent in another country.

[MuggerBe]

😀
I don't resent her. I am happy to have a visitor but the fact is it is a long time for both of us. She's welcome to come and go as she pleases.
We don't have bbqs every week or go out to tourist places but would perhaps do so more so she builds up some confidence and friendships. These do cost money. Obviously she can come here and sit in with me like a hermit if she wants but there's not much point traveling to oz and hanging about your sister's suburban house. Pretty dull.

I think of it like a holiday retreat. I'll be teaching her cooking and cleaning and social skills (hopefully better than my own on this thread). She'll have fun. We'll all have fun. She plays piano so can teach dh or DC. That'll knock some of my profiteering rent payments down. As will her doing travel.

It's win win.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

Wow, takes condescending to a whole new level. What a holiday treat, being taught to cook and clean as an adult as it takes ages to learn how to dust and peel potatoes

I bet she can't wait.

[SuperFlyHigh]

OP sorry just read the responses to the pages inbetween when I last replied.

I can see how you feel like people are getting at you when you are trying to help out.

I think I would as you said set out eg extra costs (if you count them as extra) re air con etc juxtaposed with her going out. If she drives could she buy an old banger (rather than use your car) and use that to get around as more freedom especially if she plans to work.

Also I'd be more inclined to make it a condition that she spends eg 2 weeks to 1 month with you getting used to your ways, having a holiday then she looks for a job. None of this "she can sit around". If she wants to go backpacking so soon then fine but it shouldn't be her sitting at home all day or out having fun as in effect she's treating your house as a hotel.

What does she do right now in UK, work or sit at home? Unclear from your posts.

On the subject of chores yes fine if she doesn't help out but maybe bathroom clean would be good or washing up after meals? Cleaning her own bedroom should be a given.

I think I've now seen how this could be a bit of a bind for you! good luck!

[OurBlanche]

SuperFlyHigh actually she is entitled to think about, consider all of those things before opening her home to anyone, let alone a sister in her late 20s, with ample savings, who has said she wants to pay her way.

The original question was about working out what to charge.

To be honest, all else is just people projecting their own experiences on to the OPs situation and conjectures about her dislike/envy of her sister. All of which is ridiculous!