To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

[OurBlanche]

Good grief Ozzie. OP has said 4, maybe 5 times now, just her sister.

I reposted 2 of her earliest posts saying just that!

[witsender]

If I was the sister I would want to help and be contributing fairly, as such the family income and my sister's working status would matter.

I think your plan sounds fine OP. You know your costs, you know your sister.

[AndNowItsSeven]

It's because constantly saying they/their makes no sense it should be " she/her".
Op your sister doesn't have a job yabu. My sister stayed with us for six months she paid for the odd takeaway. I refused any money, she was our guest.

[MuggerBe]

☺ it's ok. I understand the confusion. Just sister ozzie.

My sister is completely fine with paying to stay I was asking aibu to charge a flat rate or would it be better saying this is electric this is food and doing it all separately. I've been quite shocked at those people saying I should do it for free as it's the right thing to do, unfortunately I think people believe that i live in the land of oz where lunch pails grow on trees and a cowardly lion will help me find my way. This is actually the southern hemisphere oz near New Zealand. Although judging by some responses I may be the Wicked Witch of the West.

[OurBlanche]

It's because constantly saying they/their makes no sense it should be " she/her". Which OP has explained, more than once. It is a turn of phrase.

Supporting a year long visit by a sister, with or without her own funds, wanting to grow up and have a bit of an adventure is a great thing if you can afford it. OP has said she cannot.

So if sister wants this adventure she will have to pay for it.

[MuggerBe]

She is not our guest though. She is a person coming for a year long holiday. With my dh potentially having to fund it if she didn't pay anything.
I never asked aibu to charge. I'm charging. I asked aibu to charge a flat fee or break it down per bill each time.

Is it that complex.

SHE SHE SHE. THE CAT'S MOTHER SHE.

[ivykaty44]

In my area ( fairly affluent but outside London) a single room with bills but without food is £350 per calendar month

Students in my area pay £130 per week for all in breakfast and supper - no lunch included though.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

I think you should charge a flat rate and charge enough so that neither you or your husband are watching her like a hawk if she goes near a light switch or opens the fridge door.

Personally I think 100 pounds is too much as she'll be working and out and about, she's not going to be indoors eating and using up the utilities 24/7, neither will she be using the AirCon 12 months of the year so it wont always need to be factored into your bills.

Would she take a packed lunch to work. Would she eat dinner at home every night of the week?

Somewhere in one of your posts you mentioned 87 pounds per week and I think even that it too much considering she's a young person and once she's found her feet you'll hardly see her. So, I think I would go for 75 to 80 and thereafter not mention things like 'is that another beer your having, is that another biscuit, etc.

[ivykaty44]

Op I would do a breakdown of my bills

So gas and electric is £65 per month

Water is £54

Food is £400

Council tax is £150
=£669 ÷3 = £223 per month

Then sit down and explain to your sister that she will pay a third of the bills

I wouldn't include TV telephone or packages, just the essential living packages

Possibly though you may want to include her in your WiFi billing as no doubt she will use this and you may need to upgrade your package

[MuggerBe]

It was explained to her that we'd have to charge and so the decision to come here was based on that fact. I don't think many people could say it was that unreasonable to charge £350 approx every four weeks to live full board with family for a year given that they get the benefits of home cooked meals, no housework, washing done, cleaning done, access to free Internet and phone access to international numbers as well as an inbuilt tour guide and support. All with the potential to work and travel and save money.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

Mugger, to be honest I don't think the no housework, washing done, cleaning done, is going to be a reality very long even if it was practical from the outset.

I think you'd soon grow resentful of it, or your husband would, so I wouldn't be factoring it in as part of the cost of her board.

[skyeskyeskye]

OP. I bet that if you had posted on here that your boyfriend was coming from abroad to stay with you for a year, and should you charge him board, that most people would have replied of course you should why should he expect a free ride.

it is no different because its your sister. It's lovely that some people on here could afford to subsidise their sister by paying for all of their living costs for a year, but a lot of people can't afford to do that. You have to do what works for your own situation.

OP, I think you should charge what you have said, and you can always reduce it should she end up not being there much, or never eating or whatever.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Mugger You mentioned she has about £10k in savings? What sort of savings do you have? You really shouldn't be subsidising someone one is better off than you. (And giving up a proportion of your house for no rent is subsidising.)

Also - isn't the point of the Australia visit to help her get more independent? shielding her from the fact that a large proportion of most people's incomes go on rent and bills is not really helping her become independent. And doing her washing for her definitely isn't! Show her where the machine is and let her get on with it! Also agree that she will cook dinner on a (eg) Tuesday and Thursday.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

course you have to charge, ovc you are in oz and not uk, but £40/50 for food for a week plus share of bills then go up, ie water and electric, so maybe another 20 so £60/70 a week whatever that is oz dollars

[silversparrow]

Why can't she do her own washing, cooking, cleaning and help with the housework? She may prefer to. If I lived with my sister for a year i'd want to do my own laundry and cooking, would clean up after myself and happy to do housework on a rota. I wouldn't want her 'looking after' me as if I were a child.

IMO she should pay her way in terms of bills, food, petrol but it seems mean to charge a close family member for use of a room that is otherwise empty, especially when she is young and doesn't have a steady job. It would be different if you usually rented it out, but you're not losing any money by giving her the room. Will she be using up her savings to pay for it?

If my sister came to live with us for a year I'd think of her as one of the family rather than a paying lodger. I wish she would come! I'd expect her to pay her share of bills and food but not contribute to our rent, I'd feel uncomfortable making a profit from her. I'd love to share special time with my sister, enjoy her company, go places together, watch her develop a bond with her nephew... as it is she lives abroad and visits once a year, but I would jump at the chance of an extended stay. Try to make the most of the visit rather than worrying about how much to charge her.

[MuggerBe]

I am honestly fine with continuing the housework etc as I like to do it my way. Dh does no housework or washing as I do it all but agree that it shouldn't be factored in and I think I was merely pointing that out as in this is what she'd get for the money. A lot of things such as rent and Internet etc are already paid for by us so we wouldn't be asking for it but food and electricity is expensive and we would be giving up half our house to have a lodger even if it's my sister. Having another adult in the house for a year does make things different. If she wanted friends over or if we wanted a night together then it's obviously going to be harder to just slob about or have wild sex with another person in the house. 😀

I'm happy she's coming but I think paying a fair amount is going to be $180 per week. If this is too much she can negotiate either cooking or cleaning or babysitting when DC is asleep but those saying I am profiteering from her is not right, if anything, if sge came here and worked and we charged nothing then she'd potentially be profiteering from us as she'd earn more than in the uk and yet we'd be out of pocket as her extensive savings grew.

We have 0 savings and are in debt due to moving etc. Again not her fault but her coming here was as a favour. Otherwise we'd have said come over in a few years but that's not possible.

[MuggerBe]

We're definitely not profiting from the visit. I'm not doing washing and cleaning as looking after her simply I'm doing it anyway but obviously an extra person is extra washing. I wouldn't see the point in her doing her own unless she wants to and it won't be a problem me doing it. But I respect the fact that it could be something she wants to do and she's free to do that. Of sge wants to cook then great bit I'm making dinner anyway but again I'm happy to say you can cook.
She can say she doesn't want any food cooked or washing and cleaning and we'll be happy to just say just pay for electric, water and food you eat. I'm flexible. It's been interesting to hear people's opinions. I will call her and see what she thinks. I just didn't want to overcharge or overstep the mark. I'm sure it'll be fun having her here I honestly just want it to be easy for us all

[ivykaty44]

I think the wisest thing is to sort it all out before your sister moves in, have a good chat about expectations and make sure you are both happy with the finances

[Floggingmolly]

Why are you factoring in "trips" and car pickups and drop offs? She's an independant adult, isn't she? She won't expect to be taken to the Zoo with all expenses paid?
If you need a contribution to petrol costs you need to do it as and when.
£100 per week to let her kip in your spare room is extortionate.

[Aridane]

As a Londoner, I was - er - surprised by the high amount OP is thinking of charging - but then I didn't know that Oz was way more expensive than London for household bills and groceries...

Also) when having family members / friends stay, the cost increase for me in utilities / outgoings has been modest.- nothing approaching £100 a week.

[MathsFiend]

Fuck me, I was paying £200 a month 16 years ago to my mum when I started working. And that was a reasonable amount. I can't believe people are suggesting paying similar now for a woman in her late 20s to pay for room and food.

[MuggerBe]

Mathsfiend I'm apparently running a charity hostel for precious snowflake sister's that haven't experienced the real world. Didn't you know that I should charge zero while dsis works for more than the uk average and builds up an even more huge savings account from paying nothing ever for rent, bills or life expenses.

[MuggerBe]

I might send dsis around to some mumsnet users to live for free. So glad they're here.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

Mugger, there really is no need to be so nasty.

[HicDraconis]

You asked about people in the reverse situation.

I'm the sole earner in our family, DH stays at home with the boys. If his sister (who I've met a few times, don't know that well but is his sister, family and aunt to our children) wanted to stay for a year then our spare room is hers. No charge. She's likely to want to at some point (working in an allied health profession so may consider moving over but a year in NZ is always a good thing to do) and we've discussed it. I wouldn't dream of charging her. She would have our spare room, use of Internet / hot water, share in meals if she wanted and space for her own food & cooking if she didn't.

And I'm in NZ, just across the pond. Food in Aus isn't much more expensive than the UK these days and it's cheaper to pad out spag bol etc for one more person than cook it for one.

Currently we have a friend in the guest room under the same conditions. He's choosing to help out in the garden for a couple of hours a day but it isn't compulsory. The room is there whether he's sleeping in it or not, costs me nothing to have him sharing our space.