To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

I agree with what you say re living away from home and being independent. Therefore to ask her to do her own washing (or put a load on for you mixed in with her own if more economical is a good idea). I also think my meal plans and cooking are good, doesn't have to be flash just a family meal and she pays for it too.

I don't think you need to be her second parents by any means but be aware if this is her first time living away from home (even with her DSis) she may, even at 27 need slight hand holding eg how to behave etc as being with your parents she sounds very used to them. She may find it slightly awkward dealing with your DC and DH on a living with you basis but you can take advantage eg by asking her to babysit, letting her stay and mind the house if you go away by yourselves and give her a list of chores, eg help you Hoover or something. I think as DSis you're in a great position to help her settle in.

Who knows after 6 months she may prefer more freedom and want a house share with people her age?

You don't have to justify yourself, Mugger. People don't get how expensive it is in Oz.

I'm in Oz and I find most costs fairly comparable to London eg food isn't that much more expensive, going out is massively cheaper, petrol is half the price. I think that AUD180 is a lot.

OP, I think if the object is for your sister to become more independent, a fixed sum from the start is best. Then she'll know how much she'll have left each week and can budget for things like clothes, going out on her own or with friends, when she makes some, and anything else she wants to do independently. If you change the amount from week to week or month to month she'll never know where she is.

There's no way that having one extra person in the house will cost $100 per week and I find it unbelievable that anyone would charge that amount for their own sister to stay. All this crap about her coming to stay to evolve as a person and you not being a second parent is just trying to justify making money out of your sister. She's not even got a job yet so how do you expect her to pay? If it was my sister or any other family member I wouldn't ask for anything. If you are really skint then ask for the amount that it will cost you. One extra person really doesn't cost that much more.

She's not making money out of her, Xi!

I'm sorry but she is if she's going to charge $100 a week

Oh dear! OP, just do what you have planned, namely, work out what it really will cost and then talk to your sister.

Ignore all the shock horror posts from those who haven't read the whole thread.

Charging her for the "imposition" is just weird. The actual food and petrol costs are reasonable. This is your sister you are talking about not a lodger.
Also saying they/ their is confusing and makes no sense.

I agree superfly. I think it's going to be a shock living this far away and she's going to need.a bit of support. I'm happy to.provide that but not at cost to us as we can't afford it. I certainly haven't invited her to fund our lifestyle but as a favour in a way. Plus it'll be good company. Expat I think you're right. £87 per week sounds a lot but generally wages are much higher and so proportionally it's not much.

I appreciate everyone's opinions.

To.answer a few questions, no we wouldn't rent out the room if dsis wasn't coming. I enjoy my space too much to have people around so this could be interesting.

I think the plan is to come here and stay for a while with us then when more confident go travel a bit further out.

YANBU to charge her board while she stays with you for twelve months.

Your water, electric and food costs will all increase. She can't expect a free pass through life and you are enabling her to have a fantastic opportunity in a foreign country for a minimal amount!

I would discuss it with her and see what she feels she could afford. Maybe you could let her stay for one month free, as a guest, while she looks for some part time work, then charge her from then on?

I think £100 is actually really reasonable. Salaries are great in Aus and if that's all her costs plus commuting she will stay have loads. I think even in the UK that's not bad...

If she's coming for life experience then she needs to learn you have to pay your way! I would suggest saying let's say £100 to start and see how we go. If you feel she's struggling then drop it. If you're going out of pocket then ask for more.

I think it's lovely what you're doing for her BTW. I would be more than happy to pay this if I were here.

In my op I did say she has about 5-10k uk in savings which is up to $20000 potentially. I haven't said I will definitely be charging $180 a week simply asking aibu to charge roughly this flat fee or instead go through bills and get them to buy their own food and do everything themselves like washing and cooking etc.

They should be able to work no problem and until they get a job I'd charge nothing or just absolute bare minimum but as an adult who will be working I think they should be contributing. Would those who say they'd not charge really expect a fully grown working adult to not pay. Or if they came and lived here but didn't get a job are we really expected to pay for an adult to live for free for a year long holiday?

I don't spend £87 a week on food for one adult, it's way over the top. You keep mentioning only one adult earning but it makes no difference. As long as she covers her food cost then you're no worse off. Electric, gas etc will be the same as your home all day anyway.

For that much I'd rather rent a room elsewhere, id not be thrilled with family making a profit.

I had my sister live with me for months at a time, likewise have had various friends. They just bought their own favourite foods and helped with cooking. I'd have felt mean taking money for bills I'd have anyway.

No, you should definitely charge. My friend travelled around Australia and she had to work and stay in cheap backpackers hostels. She had to pay her own way. When she stayed with friends, she contributed towards food and utilities.

You should totally charge her board once she is working. She could have 2 showers a day, eat you out of house and home, your bills are bound to increase and you shouldn't have to bear that cost yourself.

You expect another to pay for you whilst you live there and don't have a job so that question is pretty mute.

However, yes i would allowed such a close family member to stay as it's the right thing to do. Renting a room to a stranger and charging is one thing, having a family guest another.

I think maybe charge £50 a week and let her sort her own food and travel out

I'd ask for a contribution, definitely. Maybe 1/4 of the utility bills and food costs, extras to be worked out on an ad hoc basis. The amount is hard to say as I live in a cheap area and shop at aldi, whereas you have higher costs. What do people pay for a room in a shared house where you are?

I think it sounds reasonable so long as it's in a fair proportion to her income in Australia and in what she'd pay if she took a room with one of your friends.

If she didn't pay her way then resentments could easily build up. Being an independent adult means paying your own way.

You can always reduce the amount if it seems too much once the arrangement's underway, or you could use some of it to fund a trip out with tickets or food, but it'd be harder to put the amount up if you undercharge.

If your sister wants to move out after a month or two, the cost of living won't come as such a shock to her.

Ha. It's hone from I'm profiteering from dsis staying here to now I benefit from living here for free while someone pays for me. By that comment I assume you mean my dh pays for me to live here for free. ☺while I lead a glorious life free from any financial responsibility, so therfore my dh should pay for dsis as I'm going to be in the house all day anyway.

I'm a sahd at the moment to a small child. I'm not in all day anyway so if I was out dsis would be using electric. Plus if dsis is too hot they'll be using their own aircon unit which uses electric. Extra loads of washing which, you guessed it, uses electric. Phones. Laptops. Cookers. Microwaves. Showers.

Hood to know that I am also profiteering from dh being a sahm. 😀

So many typos as I was laughing so much. I'm not a sahd but sahm. And it's gone not it's hone.

Op I didn't see you are not in the UK if the standard of living is higher then of course you should ask for what you think is enough you don't want to be out of pocket

OP - you mention "they", just how many people are actually staying with you? Frankly I think 100 UK pounds or AU$205.30 would be a reasonable charge per week for all expenses for one person. Yes, it is expensive living in Oz, with continual increases in electricity and water each year. As for meat, gravy beef prices have jumped 50% in the last year alone.

Minimum wage currently is AU$656.90 or 319.97 UK pounds for 38 hr week. If paid as a casual AU$17.29 per hour plus 25% loading.

Broach $87 and promise to assess the cost and readjust if too much/little. It's important you don't resent her in your space.