To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

[MidniteScribbler]

What does while they're young enough to use the Oz system mean? Can I assume I'm too old; if I had to ask? grin

Working holiday visas. You've got to be under a certain age and you can come in for a while and do a certain amount of work. Lots of backpackers use them and travel around picking up short term work like fruit picking, etc.

[wallywobbles]

I think if you under charge it'll breed massive resentment for you. I think £100 is fine and generous when you consider her alternatives.

[mrsplum2015]

I think you're absolutely right. If money is tight anyway you shouldn't be having to make that worse due to someone who can afford to look after themself. Aircon/heating does become v expensive in oz and more so with another person using it who doesn't understand the costs /normal family limits. Similar with food. And much better to feel costs are covered than build resentment about what is being used. By the way I would make explicit you might review, if she starts eating / drinking a lot and expects you to buy it you may need to up the price. And conversely you may be able to decrease if costs remain minimal.

[SoonToBeWombless]

OP just charge $600 a month. Very reasonable. It is lovely of you to open up your home to her and she gets an opportunity that I bet she wouldn't get if you weren't over there.

If she was staying for a few weeks that would be a different scenario but it is ridiculous to suggest that you should absorb the costs of an able bodied adult who you are doing a massive favour for, potentially a whole year, when you are struggling yourself .

Your sister is very lucky!

[MuggerBe]

Why called you an idiot katarzyna?
Don't believe it was me.

Anyway I think I've had enough of a roasting for now. Thanks for the input for and against. It's been interesting.

[MuggerBe]

To be honest and nowitsseven she may have some aspects which is why I wanted to make it very easy for her. And not as suggested for my own financial reward. My dh would be getting the money anyway and putting it in the family pot. Perhaps we could put it into savings and use it when needed? Regardless it will be tough for us all adjusting to living together. They do have the option of living in their own half of the house and avoiding us if they wanted. ☺ I'm pretty sure by the responses I've received that a lot of people will think dsis should avoid me.

Yes flogging to work here is hard without being very young or having a skill on the wanted list so she's very lucky in a sense.

[Katarzyna79]

up to op im ignorant of costs in her country but posters are guving conflictung costs.

Decide what will suit you best op, contrary to what some posters hsve said those like me who had a diff view arent idiots, dont call me an idiot basic respect usnt much to ask here is it?

I know if i had charged rent would create family feud its to do with family dynamics and culture.

[Floggingmolly]

Dear God, I've just read your recent posts . What sort of independent adult needs to be taught cooking, cleaning and social skills? How has she managed so far??
is the Finishing School thing what you're really charging for?

[Floggingmolly]

What does while they're young enough to use the Oz system mean? Can I assume I'm too old; if I had to ask?

[OurBlanche]

Can I shout BINGO now?

[AndNowItsSeven]

Does your sister have Asd op?

[MuggerBe]

Oh autumn don't take it do seriously it was tongue planted firmly in cheek with regards to being a holiday retreat. ☺

Why is it upsetting you so much? Sis is that you?

She's working at the moment but has pretty much 100% of that as disposable income and savings hence the huge savings.

I'm hoping they don't just come and sit. That'd be terrible.

[SuperFlyHigh]

OurBlanche but subsequent posts it did seem though OP may have had an axe to grind, sorry if that seems I'm painting OP as an ogress.

To be quite Honest if she a relative of mine didn't work, didn't cook etc I may be wanting them to grow up a bit when they stayed with me. And to take responsibility for bills etc and cost of running a house.

Anyway I'm sure it'll work out fine now.

[MidniteScribbler]

my electricity wouldn't go up that much from the extra personal items and heating would be the same.

An extra adult uses a lot more electricity. Lights, probably a tv in her room, computer, phone, ipad, hair dryer. The OP said earlier that there is a separate air conditioner in the guest room which the sister can run, and they can get very expensive over summer. Heating is different in Australia, full ducted heating to a house is also a pretty expensive addition, or free standing heaters which also chew up the electricity. Having moved from a house without air to one with full ducted heating and cooling, I noticed a massive difference in my electricity bills.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Autumn to be fair I think OP was having a laugh re her last comments but some people in their 20s and further on really don't know how to cook, clean etc as a consequence of having had it done for them. I've got no idea if OPs DSis is like this.

Partly sometimes it's down to parents mollycoddling a grown adult and then partly if the adult is shy and doesn't want to take responsibility etc then the adult grows into that. Like I said in my post heck I regressed (it was quite nice actually!) but my mum has always been very caring and helpful (not smothering) and her own mum adopted the open door policy with her own house when my mum was in her 20s, this was partly (tiny violin coming out here) that when she (nana) was 14, her mum died suddenly (1920s), she was sent away to relatives (but came back) and when she got back her dad had remarried a young woman not much older than nana herself. My nana got herself skilled up then left home at I think 16 but far sooner than she would have done if her mum had been alive. So nana told us she always wanted her own large house to be open to her 2 daughters and not chucked out at 16. My mum adopted same policy with me and my brother.

[OurBlanche]

SuperFlyHigh actually she is entitled to think about, consider all of those things before opening her home to anyone, let alone a sister in her late 20s, with ample savings, who has said she wants to pay her way.

The original question was about working out what to charge.

To be honest, all else is just people projecting their own experiences on to the OPs situation and conjectures about her dislike/envy of her sister. All of which is ridiculous!

[SuperFlyHigh]

OP sorry just read the responses to the pages inbetween when I last replied.

I can see how you feel like people are getting at you when you are trying to help out.

I think I would as you said set out eg extra costs (if you count them as extra) re air con etc juxtaposed with her going out. If she drives could she buy an old banger (rather than use your car) and use that to get around as more freedom especially if she plans to work.

Also I'd be more inclined to make it a condition that she spends eg 2 weeks to 1 month with you getting used to your ways, having a holiday then she looks for a job. None of this "she can sit around". If she wants to go backpacking so soon then fine but it shouldn't be her sitting at home all day or out having fun as in effect she's treating your house as a hotel.

What does she do right now in UK, work or sit at home? Unclear from your posts.

On the subject of chores yes fine if she doesn't help out but maybe bathroom clean would be good or washing up after meals? Cleaning her own bedroom should be a given.

I think I've now seen how this could be a bit of a bind for you! good luck!

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

Wow, takes condescending to a whole new level. What a holiday treat, being taught to cook and clean as an adult as it takes ages to learn how to dust and peel potatoes

I bet she can't wait.

[MuggerBe]

😀
I don't resent her. I am happy to have a visitor but the fact is it is a long time for both of us. She's welcome to come and go as she pleases.
We don't have bbqs every week or go out to tourist places but would perhaps do so more so she builds up some confidence and friendships. These do cost money. Obviously she can come here and sit in with me like a hermit if she wants but there's not much point traveling to oz and hanging about your sister's suburban house. Pretty dull.

I think of it like a holiday retreat. I'll be teaching her cooking and cleaning and social skills (hopefully better than my own on this thread). She'll have fun. We'll all have fun. She plays piano so can teach dh or DC. That'll knock some of my profiteering rent payments down. As will her doing travel.

It's win win.

[SuperFlyHigh]

OurBlanche actually if it is family and the sister is a close relative then OP does seem a bit strange re her welcoming ways etc. she says this is down to her DH but then she reiterates what she's been saying before about costs and privacy.

To be honest it seems to me (when I last posted) that OP is a bit fed up of her DSis living at home with her parents and being able to save well into her 20s (but that's between her DSis and her parents) whilst OP has made a family and home in another country but obviously there are money struggles. It seems to me like OP thinks her DSis has it good.

I moved out when I was about 19 but when it came to buying a flat etc moved back home to mums house in my mid 20s for 18 months and then late 20s until I was 30, then bought a flat. I did a bit regress (it was easier and cheaper for my mum to do my washing In with her and my stepdads, it was easier for her to cook a family meal (and saved gas/electric) rather than me cook. So I know both sides. My brother would never have dreamed of criticising me though he was always far more independent and rarely moved home (apart from when he broke his knee and first wife kicked him out...) we were just different people. it seems like OP is determined that her DSis will learn and there doesn't (tell me if I'm wrong) seem to be that much understanding of the DSis, moving out and being independent in another country.

[OurBlanche]

The more you post OP, the more it sounds like you are resentful of her.

I don't think so. I think she sounds more and more frustrated with the posters who are determined to re-write her life and make her singly the most evil, selfish money grabbing bitch.

Nothing she says will appease the "We Need to feel Superior" Gods of MN.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

The more you post OP, the more it sounds like you are resentful of her. A flat share elsewhere seems the way to go.

It keeps changing, first there's no profit, then the money will cover trips and bbqs for all not just her share, then it's a premium for losing privacy. Not quite sure why you lose half a house given there's one of her and many of you.

You say £350 a month wouldnt cover costs in the UK but I could host two or three guests for that much easily. My mortgage wouldn't change, my electricity wouldn't go up that much from the extra personal items and heating would be the same. Water and food would increase but easily covered by that amount with plenty spare.

[silversparrow]

Not profiting at all. Simply recompensed for the fact I'm giving half of my house away. Half of my privacy. Everything. For a year. While they earn a fortune and save thousands potentially

This is the contradiction. You say you will not make a profit, that she will only be covering her living costs. You then say you expect monetary compensation for 'giving up' half of your house and privacy!

Nothing wrong with this if you tell her now, before she comes. By all means charge her for use of room and facilities but be upfront! Don't insist it's only her share of the bills/food if it isn't. She may choose to live somewhere cheaper for the year. She may not want her sister washing her undies, cleaning her room or cooking her meals or want to pay for these services.

From your posts, it sounds like your sister is struggling a bit (shy, doesn't like people, needs experience of independent living etc). Has someone put pressure on you to accommodate her? You sound resentful about having her in your house, loss of privacy etc. If that's the case wouldn't it be better for everyone if she lived nearby for the year but not in your house? Could she find a room in a quiet house or rent a bedsit nearby?

[OzzieFem]

After reading all the posts than I think MScribbleridnite and Gobbolinothewitchsca have nailed it.

I love my sister and vice versa, we are always there for each other in times of difficulty/ illness etc.,but found living in her home uncomfortable post major op and requested being taken home a week early (not allowed to drive for three months). Not relevant to this post, but just to point out that even sisters can get on each others nerves when confined together as adults.

Anyway, regardless of whether she is your sister or not, I think the above posties advice is the better option. Agree to a set amount for 1 - 2 months, with the idea of her looking for a place to stay in the meantime. If you find you get on OK, then review the situation together. I think you have the right idea.