To charge sister board and if so how much.

[MuggerBe]

Sister is coming to live with dh and I and our DC miles away from home as part of an extended (potentially year long) holiday/casual work visit.

It's a great opportunity for them to visit another country with the ability to work if they want.

They've said they're happy to pay their way but I don't want to say an amount too high.

For background info, only dh works and so I take care of our child/household things through the day. Dh says it's fine but we're struggling ourselves at times to afford everything and so can't afford another person's costs.

Aibu to say for ease that sister pays £100 a week which will include- Electric. Internet. Water. Food. General outings in the car if I'm going. But not include food when out socialising, phone or travel expenses outside of us going anyway.

I don't want to take excess money. Or would it be better/easier to charge them when we get bills and somehow work out the difference which won't be easy and likewise they then only contribute towards their own food, or we do similar as with utilities where we split it each time.

I'm just not sure. I'd originally said it would only cost a small amount extra and given that figure to them saying food would be extra. Aibu to now alter the amount that better reflects the actual cost?

Aside from what to charge, is your dh fully onboard with the idea of your sister staying? I just get the sense he might not be (apologies if this is completely wrong).

Having a relative to stay long term does change the dynamics. We previously lived with my parents for 12mths and, whilst it was a great help, it was different than just going to visit etc.

BTW I stayed with my sister for two months whilst j got housing sorted. I gave them £600 a monthir room and bills and food. Less than a flat share in london (WAY less) but more than the pure additional cost of me being there. Why shouldn't my sister have been compensated in a small way for the inconvenience of me being there.

Sorry it's just one person. I say they I mean sister. Definitely no extra visitors although other people are visiting on top of this which means the guest room is now full.

Dh doesn't mind dsis coming just wants them to be an adult and pay a fair amount for staying. I'm softer but then if I was working and dh was a sahd and said his sister's coming for a year I'd divorce him as I couldn't cope having a person I couldn't tell to pick up their stuff or pull about anything which is harder to do when they're not your sister.

Sister is coming here as a way of broadening their self and living as an adult and getting some life experience.

I do understand your DH position. You could always say that much for now and then calculate after the first month how much your costs have gone up.

We have SIL living with us and we asked for £100 a month as a contribution to the extra bills, including food as I cook for her along with us, but DH and I both earn and are both happy with that.

Actually if food and services are expensive there then £87 a week sounds fine. OP we spend £60-100 on a weekly food shop for 4 people, so £100pp in uk context sounded high.

I too am confused about whether it's one person or two.

Keep the door open for reviewing the amount if it turns out too much/little. You're right OP, I think it's fair enough that their stay should ease the financial situation rather than tightening it.

Things will change as she grows up. She won't always live with her parents, one day she might live somewhere you do want to visit. And I bet through living with your kids she grows into a useful babysitter.

To be honest as she's your sister I'd ask for £50/£75. Anyone else I'd ask for more.

I rent out my spare room and charge £600 pcm which includes everything but council tax and food and landline phone. I'm in SE London. This is for a large single/small double (but enough for double bed, wardrobe etc).

My DB and SIL I think charge about £400 pcm but this is for a large single/small double but you struggle to get much furniture (eg a squeeze) into the room. It's in Hackney and has been let in past few years to friends/SIL's DB (so then minimal rent) the current lodger is doing a masters and had an awkward situation with a boyfriend where she was almost left homeless and is foreign (sounds awful!) but meant as in she has no family in UK and a few friends but not many.

I personally think it's very different if you're letting to a friend/relation etc as to a stranger. My current lodger is friendly, I don't however want to encourage a great friendship so I just keep it light, she shares living room but equally knows she has her own room with TV etc and knows it's my flat and she's not a tenant but a lodger (sounds harsh buts that's the way it is and I've been a tenant in a shared flat).

I think what's throwing me is your speaking about losing at Market rates etc. I don't see that has anything to do with your sister staying because people renting out rooms are looking for profit, you aren't.

We have had friend stay for a week at a time we don't take a thing from them, if we go out we don't charge for petrol if we are going and using our car, sorry but it just seems a bit grabby to do that, I've never charged anyone for petrol even when we have gone long distances for others.

When we moved house we had to stay with my parents for about 8 months and they wouldn't take a thing from us, we paid for all food and wouldn't let them pay but they wouldn't take money for board, electricity etc. They just point blank refused - said if they can't help family who can they help.

We'd be doing lots of tourist activities if they came that we don't now which is what I meant about the petrol, trips to the city, beaches, showing them the sights which we don't always do now as we've been here a while.

OP is it only your sister as you say they and them ?

£100 seems a lot considering she's family. She may think you're trying to make a profit!

Since you pay for rent, Internet anyway why would you charge for these? I would only charge for food, electricity, water, phone, plus any other expenses that will go up with an extra person in house.

Maybe give her the option to sort her own food, offer her a cupboard and a shelf in fridge, use of kitchen etc?

Unless of course you usually rent out that room, then it would be reasonable to charge for the room.

Re travel, if it's a trip you're doing as a family it seems mean to charge for petrol, same if she wants a short distance lift.

MuggerBe Sat 06-Feb-16 10:42:45

Sorry it's just one person. I say they I mean sister.

With your sister I'd also ask her on top of a cheaper rent for her to chip in more for food on top of the weekly food bill, not an excessive amount but say if she's eating x, y and z then she should contribute and it would be nice once a week or more if she contributed to or paid for and cooked a family meal eg spaghetti bolognese.

If a year also get her to review what she pays, may not be easy for her to find work ASAP.

I was wondering, apart from your DSis, what do your parents think about the costs? Are they spoiling her? Do they want her to be more independent and pay more?

MuggerBe Sat 06-Feb-16 09:26:35

Sorry yes it's just sister. No dp or DC.

I think also looking at others posts on this page maybe make a list of yes and no what's fair to charge what not etc.... Then review.

Situation may be reversed in a few years time if she has her own home and asks you to stay.

Just make sure she does her own washing!!

I only said I looked at market rates as people had said I should and I mentioned that I had already (only because friends rent out rooms/we've recently moved) and therefore already knew about them not that I was specifically looking.

I keep saying it's only dsis. They as in dsis. Perhaps it's a colloquial term. But for 100% clarity it's only dsis. Nobody else.

It's australia and so things are very spread out a trip to the beach is an hours drive. Sydney is a days drive etc. So yes it might sound 'grabby' but like I said we'd not be profiting at all. Pickups and drop offs at bars and airports add up.

Q3 were thinking 2 weeks to see what they consume and then go from there. I did say in my op wibu to charge a flat fee of about 100 or do it weekly on what is used but means we'll have the inconvenience of working out each week/each shops bill or meal out and having to ask.

OP - re your last post I'm confused... Re food all you need to do I'm guessing is work out how much you and DH eat as a person (eg split food bill) then add that cost to your DSis costs. You certainly don't need to do it on a weekly basis and work out that way!

If she eats more of a certain type of food (yogurt, fruit, crisps etc) she can either pay extra separately or you factor that into your food bill and change what you charge. If you eat out you split bill I presume 3 ways eg you, DH and DSis (but being paid for by you and DSis as you and DH would cover your own and your DC are paid for by you).

Would you be renting out your spare room if your sister wasn't staying? As that would make a difference to how much I'd charge. If you wouldn't be losing anything from not having a full paying lodger, I'd charge her £50.

It's hard for UK based mumsnetters to comment when the costs are in Australia.

I think £400 a month is quite high. Maybe £300. The important thing is to be able to talk about it and maybe review it to make sure both parties feel like they're getting a reasonable deal.

Personally I'd charge less but expect help with cooking and housework and babysitting - that would be more helpful than extra money!

If it's such an inconvenience for you, why not suggest she stays in a hostel? She'd make friends of her own that way, and not be a burden on you.

You've asked us to think about it the other way: I had by god-daughter to stay (no relation) for 8 months when she returned from 2 years in Australia and New Zealand. I rent but have a spare room. She did her own food shopping or we did it together.

For 6 months she was on a course, and for 2 months she was working.

I am on a lowish income (ie not much over after bills for fun/savings etc).

I didn't charge her a penny. In terms of extra costs, it was the difference in council tax (so 25% extra on that) and gas/electric: she was in during the day sometimes, and also likes the heating on, plus 2 showers a day.

It was difficult, because I have a very small house and a very stressful job, and didn't always want someone around all the time. But it was the right thing to do.

Again - let your sister stay whilst she finds a hostel room and a job. But then - cut her lose rather than make money from her.

DP and I pay £500 pcm for a 2 bed flat so it does seem quite a lot to charge

'DP and I pay £500 pcm for a 2 bed flat so it does seem quite a lot to charge'

In Australia? Where is that? Just might have to move.

I've already said.I'm not planning on making a profit. We'd look into how much food etc she'd use and do it that way if we think that's more appropriate. But we were thinking of just charging a flat fee. Initially a possible 180 dollars. About 87 pounds per week uk. I understand it's hard to compare uk prices and appreciate the shock at some posters and those assuming we'd make money. We wouldn't.

I'd cook clean and do the washing, which is what I do now. Dsis would have free run of fridge and beers etc. I'm still torn but think charging a flat rate will be easier, we'll know where we stand and won't have any further conversations about it. Whereas knowing dsis it'll be an awkward shock and pain splitting the bills with someone who doesn't know cost of living here or the uk as they've never had to.

My dsis isn't a burdon. I'm happy she's coming and hope that it's not come accoss like that but with dh as sole breadwinner and money not flush, we need to eliminate any awkward shocks by thinking about what will be easiest for them paying their way and us having them here.

My dsis isn't a burdon but having another adult stay in your house for a year is a big responsibility. They're coming here to improve many things including becoming more of an adult as living at home isn't helping that. I don't think saying come here and we'll be your second parents is healthy.

YADNBU & £87 (you mentioned that was the accurate exchange for $180 in a later post) sounds very reasonable to me, but I'm south uk too & you wouldn't find a room for a lot more than that here, I also know from friends & relatives in Oz, cost of living is higher, but generally wages can be too, which is where I think a lot of posters are getting confused & think it's high.

Given the distance in driving to days out etc, I wouldn't actually include that as a given as it might set up expectations of weekly jaunts, which you might find too much after a while, but play it by ear & don't charge unless it's a real long haul & you can't afford to go, but go for DSIS.

Your DSIS is coming to stay in order to be more independent - independent living means paying your way