to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

[BubbleBathAddict]

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

It was not 10pm, it was 5.30pm and she was not old.

Three things.

1. it is dark at 530pm.
2. how did your son know the person in the house wasn't old?
3. you don't have to be old to be terrified when the doorbell starts ringing after dark (probably hearing a gang of people laughing outside your house as well).

Oh, I forgot 4).
4) you do yourself no favours when on being told almost universally you're being unreasonable you throw a strop and insult mumsnet..

I wonder if the op still intends to confront the neighbour?

Both the OP and her delightful son are precious little snowflakes clearly.

I was serious in thanking you for your replies. I don't remember posting anything myself before. I guess I'm just surprised so many people have so much time on their hands to post such detailed replies so quickly, and I'm astonished at the extreme extrapolation of my original post. An interesting selection of views of the people. My eyes have been opened.

Clearly yes, I am not only being unreasonable, but I am also totally responsible for "what is wrong with the world" due to my "lax parenting". Gosh. And I had no idea I was "socially inept". That's probably as a result of being socially inept. It affects your insight into social ineptness.

I will of course change my ways as a result. That's all it needed. The weight of Mumsnet opinion. Funnily enough 10 of my 12 teenage sons are currently in prison, and it all started with knocking on a door. So you think it might be my fault? I never realised. And neither did my probation officer or my social worker. They were too busy trying to stop me taking drugs/drinking all day.

My original question was not about whether my son/his friends had done anything wrong. Yes it was stupid, thoughtless, antisocial etc but is not a "crime".

When a primary school teacher can barely put an arm on a distressed child due to safeguarding laws, how is it legal/moral for a stranger to grab a child by the wrist was the question.

However as a result of your replies I consider he came off lightly. A clip round the ear would have done the job nicely and I bet some of you would have been quite happy to administer. That is why your (secondary school age I'm sure) children are perfect.

If it was 5.30 and she has small children it's a really shitty time of day. You're in the middle of tea or bath time and the door goes and it's some little twat knocking and running, or selling washing up sponges or collecting or charity. I'd be pretty fucked off if I were her. Don't you remember what that was like?

What a lovely place Mumsnet is. Thank you for all your replies.

Better that than a world where kids get to run riot with no comeback.

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today.

Good, I hope you don't over react, a simple apology from your son would do it.

"He was in tears"

Good.

Lesson learned.

Teach your kids to not go and bash on people's doors. Next time he might get the plod called on HIM.

Good god
Some people
If you can't be bothered to teach your child some respect and manners then you really shouldn't complain when if somebody else has to

The replies were too detailed and too quick?

Oh your poor little darling, who was just an innocent bystander. He must be traumatised by this childhood assault.

She grabbed hold of his wrist and frog marched him back to his home, that's she may have done, but you weren't there to witness this and believe it or not mummy's Angel may be exaggerating the situation!

Face up to it your. 11 year old along with his mates we a right pain, they're disturbing people's peace, I would guess this is not the first time either!

I'm sorry you don't like the vast majority of the answers you got here and I doubt going to lodge a formal police complaint is going to get you far? Good luck going round there, I hope she tells you exactly have bloody irritating and badly behaved your son and his mates are. I would advise you are prepared to listen though and not try to defend above all odds because he's a child? S child that's old enough to be out alone and be trusted to act appropriately.

No your son is not likely to be the next Kray twin based on this but you are being totally UR fighting his corner! He's done wrong, had he not you would not be having this angst.

What a stupid come back post. Sarcasm from silly posts are lost here. No one feels sorry for you.

That's right OP being snipey and sarcastic really helps your argument!

Just accept your son was in the wrong and try and help him learn a positive lesson from what happened.

I'm 47, we grew out of those games at around 9, if you didn't, you often got a smack. Minimum would have been a bollacking and dragged home.

Teach your son to leave people in peace. That includes anyone walking past etc. I've noticed lately that there seems to be a rise in young/teen boys thinking that they have the right to insult and/or intimidate/comment, others, knowing that you can't respond.

Standing in a group outside someone's house is intimidation.

The house next door to me was badly targeted, especially during heavy snow. It escalated to them throwing snowballs, even if the pregnant DD came out. I let my very scary, but non biting German Shepherd out. They ran away screaming. I would have been happy for their Mum to knock at my door.

Young teen lads, egg each other on and get hyped up. You need to be getting him to think about how this impacts on other people.

Sparklingbrook

AND WHY POST IF YOU ARE RIGHT.
Honestly, why bother. You are clearly upset by it.

Just don't ask mn if you are happy with your parenting.

Yet another poster having a pop at those who apparently have lots of time on their hands and spend all day on here. Seems there's a few posters with an axe to grind about that on here recently -PBP- apparently anyone who posts lots is a bully. You sound very familiar op

Ah well. I'm happy we helped you see the error of your ways, OP

Seriously... citing the safeguarding responsibilities of teachers to support your view that the woman acted illegally is just as silly as describing her having marched your son home as assault in the first place.

Your son and his friends were acting in an annoying manner. Your son was slow out of the blocks and got caught.

Allow him to process the reality: he was in the wrong and getting embarrassed and scared is a natural consequence. He is perfectly placed to avoid it ever happening again - if you allow him to learn that lesson!

We are all clearly wrong Op

I'd report this Assault to the police she will hopefully get arrested and your precious little soldier can sleep well tonight.

Jeeze. Did no one mess about as a child then?

Grabbing his wrist and frogmarching him is way excessive to a child and would have been scary.

No way did he deserve it.

It's not ideal and he should be told off but the womans actions sound way OTT

The woman's actions sound fine.

I still want to know how the conversation between her and the child's Dad went when they arrived at the house.