to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

[BubbleBathAddict]

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

[Sparklingbrook]

Did he really stay on the pavement though? She did well to catch him, nit sure I could outrun an 11 year old boy.

Just take him round to apologise and make him understand why knock and run is not acceptable.

What did his Dad do when this woman appeared? Why did he not deal with it there and then, he was the one present.

[harshbuttrue1980]

Surely it was better that she did this rather than called the police? If the police had caught the little brat doing this, they would have brought him home to you too. As someone with an anxiety disorder, if someone knocked on my door unexpectedly, it can make me feel sick with worry. likewise with disabled and elderly people. Hopefully your son has now learned his lesson and won't be a pest in future. People like this lady do society a favour by teaching badly behaved children that their actions have consequences, as lots of parents like you don't seem to be bothered.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Ugh, oh and actually op you should be thanking the woman for bringing this behaviour to your attention.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

This thread has restored my faith in MN. Well done to all the parents who actually parent their children instead of finding ways to deflect and blame other people.

[Silvercatowner]

The OP summarises for me why our society is going to hell in a handcart - but actually the responses do give me hope. If it were possible, I'd be round the 'neighbours' house with a bunch of flowers.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Do go round to her house with your ds and tell her you're sorry he was part of the gang playing knock and run that upset her children.

What did your dh say to her when she brought ds home?

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

I hate the doorbell ringing (post-traumatic response). I can cope with it, but why should I or anyone else have their evening disturbed by someone who thinks it's funny?

When I found out my ds of similar age had made (non-abusive) prank calls to a local takeaway he was marched there to apologise (their response was to fail to suppress a grin and give him a can of drink, which wasn't hugely helpful, but oh well) and I would be considerably angrier still if he had been disturbing people in their homes in person.

If you focus here on the perceived wrong done to your ds and not on the wrong he has don, you will be doing him a huge disservice.

[Primaryteach87]

She didn't hit him, she took a child who was misbehaving home. I don't think she's done anything wrong and would be capitalising on her actions to explain to my son why it was such a bad idea. If he was a bit scared that might be a good deterrent! You need to talk to him about following the crowd... Knock down ginger is hardly a serious crime, yes BUT they could just as easily put a lit letter through the letterbox and started a fire. He needs to get wise about making his own choices.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I'm not sure 11 year olds really think through the consequences of their actions and he's probably shocked at her reaction. He will have seen it as harmless fun without thinking that lots of people would find this very intimidating/ annoying etc. I doubt very much that he's destined for a life of serious crime.

But the lady was right to do as she did and I would hope the shock has taught your son a lesson. I too would be insisting he make an apology to her rather than accusing her of assault. I expected to come on here to discover he'd been thumped or throttled!

[bigbuttons]

Your son is naughty and antisocial and you are mollicollding him. This one of the reasons why he is naughty and antisocial.
Poor woman, she should have been able to give him clout round the head too.

[Sparklingbrook]

What did your dh say to her when she brought ds home?

Yes. This ^

Why didn't he as the parent there sort it out? And why isn't he going round there today?

[Pepperpot99]

Hmmmmnnn. Sounds like your dear boy has a case of affluenza, OP. Look it up .

'Battery'? 'Assault'? he stayed on the pavement and yet was the one to be caught?

[wineoclockthanks]

The sad thing Gloria is that he is likely to do it again as his mummy has shown that it wasn't her special little snowflake that was in the wrong but the nasty lady who he was harassing

[Youarentkiddingme]

If that was my DS he'd be grounded with no technology and the only place he'd be visiting for the weekend would be the lady to apologise.

I'd talk to him about what to say. Sorry and he realises he was just as involved by standing and watching.

What I can tell you is my DS would be under no illusion that next time he'd be expected to walk away and not watch, distance himself from that situation and then he won't be in the position to be frog marched home.

My ds has been taught from a young age that he can control his actions but he can't control others reactions to his behaviour.

[CocktailQueen]

He took him by the wrist and took him home. She didn't beat him, did she?

He shouldn't have been doing it. Rude, thoughtless, stupid, Wong thing to do. You need to think about your parenting! If you think he's entitled to do that, then surely the woman is entitled to react how she likes?

Maybe it'll stop him doing that again.

[bigbuttons]

mollycoddling even

[aprilanne]

tell you what phone the police report her thats the best thing to do .and after they have stopped laughing they will be round and give your boy a right good rollicking you obviously still think you are in the right once she dragged him home i would have dragged him back to apologise .no wonder he has no respect for others with your attitude .as i have heard on here what a shame for mummy,s little snowflake .

[OhShutUpThomas]

I don't think OP will be back somehow.

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

You have a choice here op. You can teach your child that if he acts in a anti social manner, there will be consequences and he won't like them.

Or you can teach him that he if he acts in an anti social manner, adults aren't allowed to respond except in very gentle ways, and if they fail to do this, he's off the hook.

I suspect you will regret teaching him the latter in a few years time.

And of course he was joining in. Are you planning on showing him that lying works too?

[SpeedingSnail]

OP you are furious that she thought it was OK to intimidate a child, why are you not furious that your DS thought it was OK to intimidate people?

[AlisonWunderland]

Maybe if you son and his friends thought their parents would side with those being "knocked", they would think twice about such anti social behaviour.

It's dark at 5.30 and some 11 year olds can look quite big in the dark.

[msrisotto]

She held his wrists, she didn't punch him in the face. Obviously your little cherub is never wrong and should be bowed down to like the precious little snowflake he is....