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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
Pyjamaramadrama · 06/02/2016 08:38

Ffs it's no wonder some teenagers have no respect for anything.

Really? She didn't assault him. He got caught out and told off, tough luck. If one of the others had gotten caught no doubt she'd have marched them home too.

HuckfromScandal · 06/02/2016 08:38

I would have done exactly what she did.
And your reaction is exactly what's wring with the world. I don't care that it's not a "huge" crime in the grand scheme of things, but he is obviously out and about with no supervision, and you do t seem to care about that aspect at all.

I'm sure you'll take no responsibility if it then escalatsa, obviously it will be the victims fault then as well. Ffs, discipline your child.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 06/02/2016 08:39

I'd hazard a guess that the boys who come round to my house regularly banging on the windows and doors also have parents like the op who think their little darlings can do no wrong.

Hotpatootietimewarp · 06/02/2016 08:39

Yep any child of mine would be matched straight back to the door to apologise, what utter rubbish about assault. I'd have had no sympathy what so ever with any child of mine

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 06/02/2016 08:39

Exactly what dragons said.

Your son is not a baby, he is more than old enough to know that this game is massively anti-social and he shouldn't be doing it.

Assault and battery?! Get over yourself for gods sake!

Id be thanking her for putting him in his place and letting me know what went on, before having him apologise and grounded for quite some time.

Attitudes like yours leave kids feeling they can do no wrong, and this will lead to bigger problems than this if you don't nip ot in the bud now.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2016 08:39

Your son may be a child, but he has reached the age of legal responsibility.

Maybe you should calm down a little and get your head around the fact that he was being an annoyance, Natural as that is for most kids that age, so are the consequences, i.e. some adult is going to get pissed off and demand your parents deal with you.

Be grateful it happened with something so innocuous, but please, don't waste this valuable lesson. Make certain he knows you think he got off lightly and you are grateful the angry woman brought him home for you to reprimand for being a thoughtless little toad - nothing too bad, just unpleasant and annoying!

Anything less makes you socially inept and may mean your son never learns an essential social skill: either, be pleasant, do unto others, etc or, don't get caught Smile

ChubbyPolecat · 06/02/2016 08:39

Mn is a lovely place. Just because we disapprove of your lax parenting and badly behaved child doesn't mean we're bad people

Hoplikeabunny · 06/02/2016 08:40

Sorry OP, but I agree with the majority. No one here is to blame but your son. Knock down ginger is a horrible game, and he deserved to be frightened back. Where we used to live, I used to get really intimidated because it happened all the time and my husband worked nights so I was often alone with a small baby. I even put a kind notice on the door asking them to stop because of the baby, but they took no notice. So I'm afraid, if I'd been brave enough, I'd have liked to have frogmarched them home too.

SoupDragon · 06/02/2016 08:40

What a lovely place Mumsnet is. Thank you for all your replies.

Oh bless, you don't like that we disagree with you so clearly we aren't "nice"

We might not be "nice" but we are honest and usually right.

MsJamieFraser · 06/02/2016 08:40

two wrongs dont make a right.

what she did was criminal, what your son did was unreasonable.

However I would chalk it up to a situation your son and his friends caused.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 06/02/2016 08:41

He may be a child but he's 11. Check out the age of criminal responsibility... I think the woman was being very reasonable in frogmarching him home and expecting his parents to deal with his atrocious behaviour, rather than arresting him, calling the police and having him cautioned for harassment. I bet if he does it again she won't be so understanding, and rightly so.

You obviously weren't expecting to be told YABU, don't like the responses and are still seeking to blame the woman rather than deal with the issue here (which is that your son has no respect or consideration for others and has been behaving illegally). How on earth do you expect your son to understand what he's done wrong when you are minimising his actions, exonerating him of responsibility and exaggerating the woman's actions to suggest that SHE has broken the law? Would you rather that she had not given you a chance to intervene with your son? Would you rather he had a criminal record because nobody thought to involve the parents in stopping his behaviour?

YABU. You should be grateful to this woman and make your son take her flowers and a card. Hopefully your son would then have learnt his lesson and there will be no repeat.

BrieAndChilli · 06/02/2016 08:41

You sound just like my MIL friend who tried to sue someone because they were at their house for a party and fell over (drunk) and broke their ankle!!!
Surely the risk your son took by taking part (whether passively or actively) was that e make get caught and told off, I assume she held his wrist to stop him running off. She wasn't to know if he was the person who knocked or not.
I think it's laughable to call it assault.

travellinglighter · 06/02/2016 08:42

Oh didums. Your son was innocently harassing someone and she grabbed him by the wrist and brought him home to confront his parents?? He's going to need counselling.

Get real, my son would have been forced to apologise and his friends parents would know by now.

Maudd · 06/02/2016 08:42

I bet your son and his friends do this every day to that woman. The fact that she was quick enough to catch him, suggests she was waiting by her front door.

Pyjamaramadrama · 06/02/2016 08:43

Mumsnet is a lovely place

Actually maybe most of us realise that kids need to learn their lesson. Sure we've all played knock door run but have you any idea how frightening and disruptive it can be for some people?

OTheHugeManatee · 06/02/2016 08:43

YABU. She didn't assault him. How ridiculous.

TimeToMuskUp · 06/02/2016 08:44

I have a 10 year old and would be shamed to death if a neighbour marched him home after pulling stunts like that; he'd be grounded and bollocked and bloody well made to apologise.

It doesn't mean MN is a bad place because we disagree with you berating someone for your own child's behaviour. It means people tell it as it is. And in this instance, you're wrong. Utterly, ridiculously wrong. Climb down off the high horse, get your son to apologise and don't let him grow up thinking his "fun" takes precedent over other people's security (and you may scoff, but by 5.30pm it's dark, so your son and his mates were knocking loudly on her door in the dark then scarpering, and somehow it's not his fault? Ridiculous).

Pyjamaramadrama · 06/02/2016 08:45

It's amazing really how he stayed on the pavement yet still managed to be the last one and got caught.

GernotMinke · 06/02/2016 08:45

This hads to be fake

pudcat · 06/02/2016 08:46

Your child was in the wrong. It is so scary to have your bell rung and there is no one there. If he was the only one caught he must have been the one ringing the bell as he was nearest. I would not believe him and would ground him for the weekend.

Toraleistripe · 06/02/2016 08:46

OP. You can't ask for an opinion then flounce because it's not the one you wanted......you asked. You were told.

And FWIW I agree with everyone here.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonkylampshade · 06/02/2016 08:46

Can't believe what I've just read! You need to check yourself OP. And your son deserved to be frogmarched to your front door, and given a telling off too imo.

The woman did not behave badly, however you have shown a lack of basic manners and standards.

1frenchfoodie · 06/02/2016 08:47

Your son did wrong and I think this woman's reaction was justified and gives you an opportunity to nip this in the bud. She didn't put him in a half nelson afer all.