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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:29

Well obviously he's been told off and knows he's done something wrong by being involved. However he's a child and she was an adult, and I don't think adults should grab a child. He did not knock on the door. He was standing on the pavement. It was not 10pm, it was 5.30pm and she was not old.

OP posts:
FLAMBOLA · 06/02/2016 08:29

I think it was probably your son doing the knocking as well.

Maudd · 06/02/2016 08:29

She apprehended him, she didn't hit him. Nothing wrong with that. I bet if she'd grabbed him to stop him running in front of a car instead, you'd be grateful.

You're trying to blame her, to distract from your son's antisocial behaviour. That sort of thing can be distressing and frightening to an elderly person, for example. Shame on him. I would bollock him, ground him and call the parents of the other boys to tell them what's been going on.

lighteningirl · 06/02/2016 08:30

Hesterton has it spot on you should be reprimanding your son and telling him actions have consequences

piedpiper4 · 06/02/2016 08:31

I'm sorry but if you're happy to use the 40 years ago analogy then I'm sure Knock Down Ginger was ok then, but would be considered a crime today. Your child was in the wrong. Even as a child 40 years ago, I never played Knock Down Ginger as I knew it was wrong and would upset and annoy the people in the house. Instead of passing the buck onto a woman who clearly feels harassed at the hands of your son and his friends, put your anger where it clearly belongs and deal with your son appropriately.

SoupDragon · 06/02/2016 08:31

FFS. Assault? battery? She frogmarched a badly behaved child home a couple of houses down.

Save your anger for your DS.

He must be very very slow if he was on the pavement not doing anything and yet was the one who was caught.

And yes, I did this as a child and would have been given hell by my parents if they had found out.

OhShutUpThomas · 06/02/2016 08:33

This has made me really bloody angry.

Do you have any idea how terrifying this stupid game can be for some people?

NotTheGoodLife · 06/02/2016 08:33

I think your son got the lesson he needed, hopefully he'll stop terrorising the neighbours.

Dragonsdaughter · 06/02/2016 08:33

Your attitude op is why some children never grow up to take resobsablity for thier own behaviour. Any child of mine would be bollocked and writing a letter of applogy that he would deliver in person.

whois · 06/02/2016 08:33

She didn't assault your child FFS. You need to grow up and take some control over your child. Knock and run can be extremely distressing to vulnerable people.

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 06/02/2016 08:33

It's still dark outside at 5.30pm and it is frightening to have your door hammered on.
I now call the police (non emergency number) when they come round here.
You have no idea if they have done this before and judging by the woman's reaction they may well have done.
If your son was standing on the pavement how come he was the one who was caught?
Surely he'd have a head start on the other boys who were supposedly doing the knocking alone?
I would be getting him to apologise and it really does serve him right that he's had a scare. Perhaps he'll learn his lesson.

coffeeisnectar · 06/02/2016 08:34

It's odd how on this type of thread it was always the ops child just watching the bad behaviour while the friends did whatever is wrong. I've yet to see a thread like this where the ops child actually admits to taking part.

This is not battery. This is not assault. This is a woman pissed off with continued anti-social behaviour by a group of kids and she's had enough.

I'm awaiting the "my son's not perfect but he didn't actually do it, he was just there, is the first time it's happened" posts but in actual fact, if you go round and get your son to apologise, this woman will likely tell you it's happens every day.

Don't be that parent who defends their "little angels" right up to the point he's starting to get arrested. Sort this one now.

WheresLarry · 06/02/2016 08:34

Of course YABU, your son shouldn't have been involved, even if he didn't do the knocking he could have kept walking if he didn't want to be party to it.

Maybe she shouldn't have put her hands on him but I think she dealt with it in a fair way. Your son crying is only because he knew what he did was wrong, he wouldn't be crying if he got away with it, so the crying means nothing.

How do you possibly plan to defend what he did when you confront her? What do you suggest she should have done, just accept that kids can be little shits and she has to put up with it?

Original poster
BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:35

What a lovely place Mumsnet is. Thank you for all your replies.

OP posts:
Creampastry · 06/02/2016 08:35

Tell your son tough shit. He was involved, so he must deal with the repercussions.

OhShutUpThomas · 06/02/2016 08:35

Serves him right.
Hope he's learned his lesson.

He won't, he'll just learn that he can do whatever he likes and no adult can do a thing to him because it's 'assault.'

.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 06/02/2016 08:36

In your shoes I'd be taking him round to apologise to her. And possibly including his 'friends' too. Nip this behaviour in the bud before he gets older. I'm sure you'd have loved kids hammering on your door and waking him when he was a baby. Or would you have laughed at the joke whilst clutching a screaming baby?

Resideria · 06/02/2016 08:36

Make your son apologise and talk to him about antisocial behaviour.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 06/02/2016 08:36

I'm not old either, knocking and running would utterly terrify me and my children as I have an abusive ex who doesn't know where we live.

If he didn't actually knock then he was still laughing and egging on his friends to do it.

You will not be doing your son any favours if you go round there and have a go at the woman, your son was in the wrong, he needs to know that.

LovelyFriend · 06/02/2016 08:36

Grow up OP

chemenger · 06/02/2016 08:36

I'm with everyone else, go over there today with your son so he can apologise. His behaviour was very bad you need to stop this thoughtless antisocial trait in its tracks.

Only1scoop · 06/02/2016 08:36

He won't have 'learned his lesson'

Evident from the Op's reaction

OhShutUpThomas · 06/02/2016 08:37

So you don't think there's the remotest chance that you've had these replies because you are wrong? It's just because we're all big meanies?

Hmm
JohnLuther · 06/02/2016 08:37

I don't have any sympathy for your son, he deserved it.

Nosnowjustrain · 06/02/2016 08:37

This is why we have such a problem with anti social behaviour today, because people like you can't see when their little darlings are actually in the wrong. And people aren't able to stand up to them for fear of the reaction of the parents.