to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

[BubbleBathAddict]

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

[grannytomine]

I haven't said it isn't upsetting to some people, I just said I was surprised so many people were so upset by it.

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

Agree with other posters- you and your son need to get round and apologise. I would also contact the other boys parents to suggest they do the same.

[Baconyum]

Yes on the weight stuff Facebook page there's a lot of people saying they've experienced this or people they know have and the person inside the house is mentally ill/disabled/anxious/got children with these conditions!

Someone said about ex servicemen suffering from PTSD who would likely find this very distressing.

Plus just because someone hasn't been convicted of a crime doesn't make them not criminals! Would you apply that to other criminals as yet uncaught?

[grannytomine]

Baconyum, the way our legal system works you are presumed innocent until proved guilty. I know most people on here have decided the child was the one knocking on the door, had done it before etc etc etc but a court might disagree. MN might be lots of things but it isn't a court of law.

[WorraLiberty]

My 70+ year old neighbour was telling me that years ago some kids banged on his front window as they ran by.

He was just settling down in his chair with a bowl of soup. The bang made him jump and the tray flew up in the air...scalding his legs

Luckily though, someone witnessed it and went round to the parents who were mortified and took their kids round to apologise and tidy up his front garden.

[tkndnv]

Haven't RTT but I do not think this is assault, if anything maybe it taught them a lesson.

[grannytomine]

Toughasoldboots, do explain where I have said I think everyone's experience is the same as mine? You can't can you. I said I was surprised so many people found knocking on the door so upsetting. I hope you have got that now, not that I thought no one would get upset but that I didn't realise it was so common. OK?

By the way I have spent the last 20 years working with people with mental health problems and caring for a husband who is physically disabled so presumably I should know lots of people who are scared of knocks on the door but I only know one.

[RedToothBrush]

The consensus on the wright stuff is we should encourage our five kids to tie the neighbours door knockers together, then knock and run on the first so when they open the door all the others get knocked on at the same time. Its all fun and back in the day it was ok because people had a sense of humour unlike today.

Then call Matthew Wright pathetic.

[grannytomine]

Oh dear, just looked at another thread, it looks like taking in my neighbours parcels might be annoying them. Never thought of that, thought I was being helpful. You can't win.

[MummaB123]

I don't think it's a case of 'innocent until proven guilty'. People are commenting on a scenario that his mum has implicated him in, presumably expecting people to be shocked at the other woman's behaviour. People are assuming him to be guilty (by association) because his mum said he was!

[RedToothBrush]

Granny, so just because you haven't been told by people who are scared of knocks on the door, this problem does not exist and you are surprised when people express that feeling.

You are dismissing people's feelings by using your 'superior' life experience to tell others if this is a problem you would know about it.

(I believe this is what is know as a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_authority 'Argument from authority].

You are also dismissing people on this thread by suggesting in someway that you are better because of the way you would treat it, if it happened to you.

I note this bit in particular. IF it happened to you. As in, you have no first hand experience.

It is completely different to the postie or a delivery company knocking on, and your failure to be able to recognise the fundamental difference between the two and how this might effect people is noticeable.

You may not have said that you think everyone's experience is the same as yours, but your posts are still incredibly dismissive and totally lacking in empathy.

I hope this helps you understand why your posts have been picked up on, before you go all martyr, 'I can't win' bollocks.

[roundtable]

So what's the consensus on referring to your own child as a little shit when venting to a friend over coffee about their behaviour at the moment? Child not present.

Asking for a friend of course

[grannytomine]

RedToothBrush, I said I was surprised so many people found it upsetting. I never said I thought no one was, in fact I said I know someone who is scared, she has mental health problems and I know her professionally from my work.

I am surprised, I honestly don't know what it is wrong to be surprised if you weren't aware of something. Are you aware of everything people might think or feel?

[grannytomine]

roundtable, I think if you love em you can call em. That's what I have always worked with e.g. my sister might say something about my kids or I might say it about hers and we know we love them so its OK, if someone who hardly knows them said it then it wouldn't be OK. That's how it works in my family anyway.

[grannytomine]

Toughasoldboots, I think I said I was surprised if I said shocked then apologies as I never meant shocked, I was surprised and I am not sure why it came across as snide and sarcastic but it is hard to get tone unless you are face to face or at least speaking.

I am not sure what beating me in the career and home life one upmanship means? I wasn't playing at one upmanship, just stating a fact in reply to something else, I think someone, might have been you, was talking about people with mental health problems or disabilities and obviously that was relevant.

To be honest I feel a bit perplexed, I have never known such strong reactions to someone being surprised about something. I must go back and see if I did say shocked, bit worrying as it wasn't what I meant.

[grannytomine]

I actually said I didn't realise, not shocked or surprised so we were both wrong there.