so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

[ralphi]

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

Yabu. I would exist to pay for the other child, as previous people say it's double the responsibility.
You may have been home half an hour early, but she couldn't make plans to leave til the expected time home could she?

I'm a nanny and do ad-hoc work too.

I think YABU, if you're doing it unoffically and she's self-employed you are agreeing to her terms and you should have asked about this kind of thing before arranging it. In the past in similar situations I have expected the other parent to have paid me for my time as well, though I'd make a decision depending on the scenario. You should have offered extra for springing it on her, a convo by text about it probably wasn't the best way to ask either. I also think that the carer was BU for not making this clear too though.

I'm probably being bias as I have been put in situations where people have taken the piss, so I am a lot more strict about things like this now than I was a few years ago. If you aren't the only family she's working for she likely has experienced similar and wants to make sure it doesn't happen to her again.

RE her not charging more for your son as well: A lot of "home childcarers" down my way charge extra for more children/children from other families (even within one family too though). I would go by family rather than by amount of children personally.

This is an assumption I get really annoyed about: It really doesn't matter that you're home early, you've booked her until X time so you pay until X time. She can't book anybody else in for that time even if you are home early. It is nice to let your childcarers go early if/when you can. We do appreciate it, but equally, you aren't doing us a "favour" by paying us for the time you booked but didn't use. I've actually just told an ad-hoc job that I'm not doing any more work for them and this is one of the reasons why.

hunter When I was 15 I got an extra 5 kids sprung on me (I usually cared for 1!). I got told it was okay as the 2yo twins would be in bed as would their 5yo sibling and only the older two siblings and my normal charge would be awake. It was hell. The older three woke up the younger three and they were out in the garden on a wet trampoline at ridiculous-o-clock. The other family never offered me a penny.

agree you should pay her till 6pm or whatever time you booked her to, not her fault you came home early

and yes 2 6yrs is easier then one, esp if friends, but its not if the bs had them for hours , im assuming was prob 2.5/3hrs max, and some of that was at an activity

I think YA both BU, you should have offered extra, the babysitter should have made it clear there would be an extra charge when you texted. I do think double the cost is a bit steep, but maybe she didn't really want to do it and is making a point.

Babysitter is way out of order. It was pure opportunism.
You asked once in a year.
You came home 30 minutes early.
That situation will not get better. If you find yourself in a spot of bother, you will hesitate. She is not the backup that you once thought.

I've only read to page 2 but surely as a paid childcarer she has twice the responsibility. Thus isn't a favour between Mums.

YANBU. Having two 6 year olds is not double the work. In fact it's half the work. It wasn't all day either. How much do you pay her?

But RATTIE op asked babysitter if it was ok. At that point it is very easy, especially by text, to answer with a "I usually charge X in that situation". Both are then clear with each other. If she is a respected professional who expects to be paid she should also act like that.

Oh ffs trotting out the legalease 'terms and conditions'
oh, ffs, behave in a more adult fashion!

Its the quickest way of saying what I mean. No, it is not all right for you to add to your minder's expected burden of work. At all. But if you discuss it well in advance (not a text on the day) and arrange a suitable payment (your minder might choose not to charge but you shouldn't expect that) then that's acceptable. But otherwise, you are treating your minder with disrespect, so don't do it.

I think you should probably have paid her a bit extra but twice as much seems excessive. You're not taking up twice as much time and probalby the girls entertained each other which in some ways made her job easier.

If of course she had to work twice as hard for the whole time period then maybe she had a point but to be honest I doubt that she did .

I have two kids. One evening they had a friend and I suggested to her mum that I pay the sitter 50 per cent extra and she cough up for it,so basically she was paying half normal rates. She wasn't happy, but I thought it was fair.

Did you ask her before you agreed to watching someone else's child? That seems a bit weird to me anyway, the last thing I would be doing would be offering a favour to someone else to watch their child if I wasn't the person watching my own.

As she knows that you agreed,without asking her permission ,on her behalf and at her expense that she wd look after the cc of this recently separated man who did not make the necessary arrangements when it was his time to be with his c, then maybe she was annoyed that you treated her like a non person in order to do this man a favour. you got the thanks, she got the responsibility and yes the work. You abu op.

OK, I've had wine and its late and I need to go to bed.
From what I understand it though (tell me if I'm wrong) you've decided to chuck another child into the arrangement.
Err, no.
If that's the case then you are DEFINITELY BU.

When I nannied a little girl, occasionally her friend would spend the day too, and I was paid $2 more per hour that both children were there. That was a full day, including bathing, cooking a separate meal, changing nappies etc.

Whatever you say OP its not part of the agreement you made with her. Perhaps she was a little unreasonable but then, so are you. I don't think its right that she was responsible for your friend's daughter either actually. You're making it sound as if because you pay her then anything goes but you've given her an extra person to care for. Bet if you'd offered her a little bit more money or even box of chocs she'd have been happy but you'll never know now. She was probably put out because you didn't say anything, just had an expectation. Id have offered something in your shoes, as I wouldn't want there to be any misunderstanding or for it to seem babysitter is there for my convenience whatever that may entail - in this case, another child/extra duties. Id feel mean not offering anything in the 1st place tbh.

Oh for goodness sake! It was the one extra six year old girl, for about an hour or two, and the first time the OP had included an extra child after the babysitter had worked for her for a year. Hardly unreasonable, especially for a one-off, and she did ask her first.

The babysitter, on the other hand, is very unreasonable to demand double pay, without advising beforehand she would do this.

If I'd been the babysitter, I would assume that sometimes life throws parents a curve ball, and sometimes they are late. Or there are two kids.
There is no way I would have agreed by text then demanded twice the pay in front of the kids.
I think she was immature.

If I were you I would have discussed this sort of thing in advance when working out dates, times etc, and said if it every happened I'd offer a thank you.
But then I'm a bit of a control freak like that.

Did she look after them in your own house or hers? If in hers, then I think she can probably charge twice the amount but if in your house, I would say that her time becomes yours whether that involves looking after one child or three.

Sounds to me as if at times babysitting is not seen as a "real" job. It is a job - now if the sitter wants to do a favour then fine but if s/he wants more on a certain occasion due to variation of agreement then just pay more. Thats how real life, and jobs, operate. She probably agreed by text thinking she would get a bit extra for it, why wouldn't she? Its nice if people do us favours but sometimes we simply have to accept it if they don't, and they aren't obliged to. Its not a "favour" arrangement and she's hired and not a relative. Not likely to be bound by expectations beyond what she's meant to do. Its better when things are clearcut and at least it will be for the future.

If the babysitter posted on MN that she had been asked to look after and drop off another child with little notice "I felt like I couldnt say no!" then she would be told to charge extra.

The fact is that she was engaged to look after one child and was then expected to care for 2, so YABU.

The fact that she has babysat for your 2 children at a lower rate is not relevant to this issue, she agreed to be engaged at that rate for 2 children so that was fine.

In her eyes she was suddenly dropped into babysitting for two families,not just one. Therefore I can see why she charged you extra.

'She agreed by text, thinking she would get a bit extra' a bit extra? ....with no warning she demanded DOUBLE pay, in front of the children, so the OP was put on the spot. She knew the extra child was coming, having been texted by the OP, and should have spoken up then if she wanted more money.

'Its better when things are clear cut and at least it will be for the future'. I think after this the OP probably won't be using her services again. I wouldn't.

You can't just tell the other parent that your babysitter's services are available to mind their child as a favour without telling the babysitter in advance and asking her if that is ok with her, and setting up a payment arrangement. The other child's parent got free childcare from someone who makes her living or part it if anyway minding children.

How exactly did you word the text in advance that you sent her -- was it a case of 'I have arranged that X's child will be there with DD this afternoon as X has to work late; is this ok with you?' i.e. did she really have the option to refuse and thereby throw a spanner in the works that you had already set up? Did what you said strongly suggest that this was a done deal?

She is not your employee. You can't do that to someone who just has an hourly arrangement with you.

I used to work as a nanny and I would have expected you to offer that parent X should get in touch with me by text or whatever and work out a fee for the childcare. Either that or offer to pay me to take care of the extra child.

Like RattieOfCatan, I suspect she is fed up of parents arranging playdates or piling on extra kids and taking the piss. Or she may be worried about consequences for her job if a child she has never met before turns out to be a bolter or someone who goes wild in someone else's house, and ends up hurting herself or someone else or causing damage.

I also suspect the other child was a handful and she felt she had earned the money she asked for. Your child has bad asthma and on top of the responsibility of that you arranged for her to have another child there who may have wound her up. Two of my DDs have asthma and I would never have had another child over to play or to mind if they were going through a rough patch. I think this was poor judgement on your part.

It really doesn't matter that you're home early, you've booked her until X time so you pay until X time. She can't book anybody else in for that time even if you are home early. It is nice to let your childcarers go early if/when you can. We do appreciate it, but equally, you aren't doing us a "favour" by paying us for the time you booked but didn't use.
I agree 100% with this too.
You have my sympathy, Rattie.

My DDs babysit a lot and wouldn't go back if they had ended up looking after more kids than stated more then once in the same house, without any offer to raise the hourly pay.

In sum, YABU.

She probably felt it was twice the responsibility, and for a child she presumably has no prior knowledge of (like how they behave). I don't feel she did anything wrong, just be sure to check financial terms next time you deviate from the normal arrangement. I wouldn't let one miscommunication sour what seems to be an otherwise well-working situation for you, so let it go, but check next time you want anything different.