Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:
WongTobyWong · 05/02/2016 02:23

YANBU and she's a greedy bugger. I wouldn't use her again. I'd have been very put out if she'd asked me for extra cash. In fact if you plan to use her again I would text her and make it clear that I thought she was taking the piss. And don't pay her for the extra half hour if you get home early.

Bogeyface · 05/02/2016 02:35

And don't pay her for the extra half hour if you get home early.

Why? You would be booking her time for (say) 4 hours. That means that she takes 4 hours out of her work diary (plus travel) and the fact that you end up not needing that time is not her problem, you booked it so you pay for it, end of. If you booked a 2 day stay at a hotel and then went home a day early, would you only expect to pay for the day you stayed?

What am I asking? Of course you would, because you expect the world to pander to your whims...

she's a greedy bugger. I wouldn't use her again. Well why would you when the selfish cow expects to be recompensed for caring for 2 children instead of 1?!

Bogeyface · 05/02/2016 02:38

It never ceases to amaze me how little value some people place on child care providers.

They are looking after the most precious things in our lives, yet some would have them do it for the love of it and any wages are deemed an extra.

And no, before anyone asks, I am not (or have ever been) a child care provider.

youmustbekidding · 05/02/2016 02:45

It's easy to get on your high horse about how child care providers should be better valued if you are in a financial position to fund that extra value.

mathanxiety · 05/02/2016 04:34

Toby, the OP can't book the babysitter for a certain amount of time and then not pay her for that time. She has committed to that amount of time in that particular place. The OP is paying her for committing her time to her; whether she uses her for the whole time or not is immaterial. She should assume the babysitter turned down other offers for that time slot. To not pay her is akin to a bait and switch.

If the service was valued, people would find a way to pay more for it Youmustbekidding. Look at what people pay for Starbucks, after all.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/02/2016 05:42

Maybe she thought you would charge the other mum the other half of the fee. Because in reality, she was working for her as well.

I don't think she was being that cheeky, tbh; and I do think that it's possible that someone said something to her in the interim between your text exchange and you returning about you taking her for granted.

Wardy1993 · 05/02/2016 06:03

She may be unreasonable for asking for double but you are unreasonable for just assuming she would be OK to take another child at short notice... On balance YABU.

3sleepingchildren · 05/02/2016 06:07

You say this is someone you've used for a year to do this - on a set routine? So same person (rather than eg a sitters sitter once a week, may be a different person each time), so someone you have built up a relationship with over time, and who you employ regularly?

I would be pissed off in that case. It is cheeky in the extreme to agree to do it and then suddenly demand double payment without mentioning it beforehand.

I value my nanny a lot. And we get on very well. I would be horrified if she demanded extra payment for something which is part and parcel of standard family life (which is what nannies/regular babysitters such as in the OPs case are employed to help carry out). Yes, if it became a regular thing then potentially it would need looking at to see if it's a fair deal, but as a one-off? Outrageous.

BoGrainger · 05/02/2016 06:47

I think that had the scenario been presented as a play-date then I'm sure the babysitter wouldn't have asked for more money but it was 'minding' another child (from a different family) in this case so I think an additional payment is appropriate. Maybe she assumed you were going to give her more, I would have done. On another point, I don't think the babysitter's services should have been offered as it sounds like the father, daughter and babysitter were complete strangers to each other, I'm surprised the father agreed (presuming that he knew the arrangement).

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 07:04

YABU.

A childminder charges per child.

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 07:04

" On another point, I don't think the babysitter's services should have been offered as it sounds like the father, daughter and babysitter were complete strangers to each other, I'm surprised the father agreed (presuming that he knew the arrangement)"

Agree with this!

Our babysitter used to charge £7.50 for one child and £10 for two, even if one was in bed when she came over.

Agree she should have said something in her reply but you should have offered as well. "Is it ok if you collect X, I thought another £5 for your trouble" or whatever would have worked.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/02/2016 07:06

I would be horrified if she demanded extra payment for something which is part and parcel of standard family life

Its not her family or part of her family life, its a job.

If the OP has booked her for a set amount of hours and a set amount of responsibility then that is what she should get paid.
Extra responsibility and extra work will cost more.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 07:08

This person is not a "babysitter". They are collecting the child, taking her to an activity and then bringing her home where they look after her for X amount of time.

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 07:08

Neither the childminder nor the nanny are a perfect comparator but childminder is closer because she is self employed. She sets her terms and conditions, not you. If she wants to charge the same per hour for children from one family and double for children from two families, that's her choice.

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 07:10

Or if she wants to charge a different rate during the day or during the evening, that's also her choice (if when she sits for your two kids, both are asleep much of the time, that may be why she's happy.

budgiegirl · 05/02/2016 07:28

OP, what would you do if the situation was reversed, ie if your DD was going to a friends for a playdate, and therefore you wouldn't need the babysitter that week? If you wouldn't expect to pay her when you don't use her, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to pay her double when she's got twice the number of children.

It's not quite the same as when a nanny has her charges friends over for a playdate, as presumably in these circumstances there will be occasions when the charge is elsewhere for a playdate, so it balances out.

budgiegirl · 05/02/2016 07:31

I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her parents

Except it wasn't you doing the favour, it was your babysitter. Would you agree to look after a strangers child as a 'favour', for no payment? I very much doubt it.

Higge · 05/02/2016 07:36

I think the babysitter was a bit cheeky too. If you had the other child as a regular childcare arrangement then I'd increase her money but not for a one off. BUT I probably would have given her a bit extra for the friend but not double!

budgiegirl · 05/02/2016 07:38

BUT I probably would have given her a bit extra for the friend but not double!

I agree, double is a bit much, it may be that the babysitter asked for double as nothing at all had been offered.

Yerazig · 05/02/2016 07:47

I'm a nanny a one off is fine but if it was a regular thing of course I would want to be paid. I'm employed by my bosses to look after THEIR children. Any more children that was in my regular care then yes I expect to be paid.

Original poster
ralphi · 05/02/2016 07:57

sorry, just posting qucikly as have to run. She is 17, and she lives round the corner, think someone asked that. She takes dd home and gives her a sandwich (made by me) and then plays a bit and usually puts the tv on for a bit. I have of course always paid her for the time "booked", that goes without saying (even though she very often goes home early) have just given her a raise, and to be honest think I treat her fairly. Have never been asked by another sitter for double for two children when going out in the evening, not even by her. Am going to meet up with Bs next week before the activity whirl, and talk about what costs when, and also make clear that she can always say no. Perhaps she is not very confident about doing that. But I guess I need to be clearer about our price structure too. Once again thanks to everyone who posted, this was my very first thread after a few years of mumsnet, and its been great to get some other opinions.

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 05/02/2016 07:59

im not sure how baby sitters work. i know with childminders you pay per child. and if im early to pick my child/ren up i still pay her the full time. because she was told xxx hours and should be paid for that as it was not her choice to be early. only way child minder does not get paid is if she is not avalible for what ever reason.

might be different with baby sitters

Original poster
ralphi · 05/02/2016 08:00

and one question that I didnt answer, no I dont think she does this for anyone else, she is just 17 and is still at school. She babysits in the evening for other people. I've recommended her to a few friends and she has sat for them occasionally, but nothing permanent ever came of it

OP posts:
Original poster
ralphi · 05/02/2016 08:01

Baby sitters here are definitely per hour, childminders obviously not. Not sure about nannies.

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2016 08:03

This has been quite evenly spread Grin

You should have queried whether there would be an extra charge

She should have told you she was going to charge extra

So you are both unreasonable

I do think that all the comments on here about it being easier with two children, or that she wasnt doing twice the work are a bit out of order (not that i think the "babysitter" cares Grin) as that really isn't the point. She was asked to have an extra child from a family she didnt know, thats extra work however slight the difference is

I do agree with others who have said that you both maybe thinking she is providing different services

She may think she is a childcare provider offering a professional service and expects the appropriate recompense

some on here seem to think she is a babysitter and should be glad of the "help" of a random strangers child Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread