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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyRabbit · 08/02/2016 15:54

As a PP said its double the responsibility.

If you pay someone to babysit while you're out for the evening, you pay the same whether the kids were a pita or slept like logs and didn't stir.

Same here. The girl was responsible for two children.

TempusEedjit · 08/02/2016 15:58

hahahehe that's just the usual fluctuations of an office job and would be more comparable to, say, OP's DD being particularly troublesome or hard work one day but obviously not getting paid extra for it. It's not the same as being expected to babysit a 3rd party's child when that 3rd party should be arranging and paying for childcare in their own right.

TempusEedjit · 08/02/2016 16:00

Cross posted with Rabbit

DarkBlueEyes · 08/02/2016 16:04

I think given your last comment you need to calmly discuss it with her to clarify the situation for any future occurrences. I personally would not expect to pay double for a babysitter, but I might for a childminder. IME having two means half the work, not double!

Happy101415 · 08/02/2016 16:10

I would have assumed the parent of the other child would offer to pay her ...she has no problem minding 1 or 2 or YOUR children as she has an arrengment with YOU ! Why should she mind a child for a parent for free? Amd why would the other childs parwnt expect her to bring her to an activity for free? Imo the other childs parent should have paid her

BabyGanoush · 08/02/2016 16:45

So you offered to look after the girl to help a friend, then asked your baby-sitter to do the actual work.

You wanted the credit of being a nice person, without the work (don't we all Grin )

Good on her for charging. I hate when people presume I'm ok with something or that 2 is no more work than 1, or whatever.

Don't presume. Ask, and do talk about money with her, like a grown up.

cumfyxtine · 08/02/2016 17:11

If you hadn't been so rude as to presume she'd do it for free you would have offered a little extra and not put her in the position of having to ask. Double is too much, but at 17 she probably doesn't know how much is reasonable, and to her mind two is double one. Did the father know you were volunteering your childminder rather than yourself?

HortonWho · 08/02/2016 17:17

It doesn't matter if it's double the work or not. If someone asks for something different in a service you provide, you agree to do it for X price. You don't agree and then demand double the price after you finished the service.

gingerboy1912 · 08/02/2016 17:35

Yanbu op I think the baby sitter was cheeky. You asked in advance she said it was ok. As long as the other child was in good health with no problems and the babysitter was able to cope then I don't see a problem with it. I would guess that maybe the babysitters parents may of put the idea for double money in her head. Wish I'd thought of that when I baby sat all my younger cousinsSmile

WickedGirl · 08/02/2016 18:01

I babysat for a family recently that I have babysat for on several occasions. The family have a baby and a toddler

On this occasion they had friends staying and asked if I could babysit all four (2 toddlers and 2 babies) for the evening. I said yes. They asked how much it would cost. I said the cost was the normal amount.....£10 per hour between 7pm and midnight

When they came home, both families tried paying for the four hours .....so £40 from both families. I said no, it's one lot as the children were in bed within an hour of the parents leaving. They were having none of it and said I should be paid by both families as I'd done both family's childcare.

It's lovely to be valued and appreciated for the work I do

(Btw I am a mum of four, a qualified nanny, a registered childminder and an experienced maternity nurse)

caramac04 · 08/02/2016 18:26

I did lots of babysitting as a teenager and had many regular jobs. One NYE I was asked to look after 3 families in 1 house. I family was a regular, 1 was unknown children X 2 plus a known (hyperactive bunch) of 3. 8 children under 8 in total. It was hard work but okay. The best bit was each family paid me double my usual rate as it was NYE and I was the only babysitter. I would not have done this for less than double but thrilled with triple.

Headofthehive55 · 08/02/2016 18:46

I think you dropped it on her at very short notice. What would you have done if she said no?

Your expectation was huge. A friend did this to me once, I was having her girls for an afternoon of fun and crafts and baking. She brought a friend of her daughter's as she was having her as a favour to her friend. I hadn't got enough stuff, and no I didn't want to look after extra child. She perhaps thought she couldn't let you down and say no, but hoped that by charging you double you'd think twice in future!

My friend? Well I've never again looked after her children.

millimat · 08/02/2016 19:21

I don't think OP will be returning?

Lnfb85 · 08/02/2016 19:48

I think on this occasion it was wrong of her to ask for double.

I was caught out once because I didn't make it clear to a family how I charge. They didn't tell me prior to booking that there would be two families. So I charge my standard rate and explained that in future... I am £7 per hour for one family. But if there are two or more families it's £5 per family. Obviously if one family has one child and one has three then the parents may decide to split the £10 more fairly among them- but that's down to them.

I also make that clear when booking a new family. I took the loss the first time and learned my lesson. I don't charge per child though. So if all kids are brothers/sisters then it's still £7 even if there are 4 of them or just one of them.

As a childminder I charge per child, but I also had to do lots of training and monitor my ratios etc and be registered with ofsted...

Amarilisherbers · 08/02/2016 20:10

Two children the same age doesn't always mean they will play nicely together. It certainly means twice the responsibility. I admire her for having the courage to tell you that you should pay more. If you agreed in advance and it not being a naughty surprise, I'm pretty sure you could agree on less than double the money. It was indeed naughty of you to offer help with the little girl but in the end expecting your babysitter to actually do the favor. Didn't have a choice, did she? Then it's not a favor, it's an extra obligation and with that comes extra money.

wiltingfast · 08/02/2016 21:04

If it was going to be a regular thing, I would of course expect to pay extra.

However, I would expect a childminder in my house to occasionally host play dates as part of her role.

I think she was foolish and unprofessional to immediately hit you for extra money. It sours the relationship and trust. In every job there's a bit of give and take.

It's v tiresome and pedantic to be trying to work with someone who only has an eye on how to charge more and no sense of the wider role.

Plus had she no sense she might need a favour at some point?

Is she young? They can be a bit clueless about the realities of work.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/02/2016 22:13

wiltingfast

"However, I would expect a childminder in my house to occasionally host play dates as part of her role."

She isn't a childminder, she is a sitter.

"I think she was foolish and unprofessional to immediately hit you for extra money. It sours the relationship and trust. In every job there's a bit of give and take."

Yes, heaven forbid that she believes that she should get paid for her time and responsibilities

"It's v tiresome and pedantic to be trying to work with someone who only has an eye on how to charge more and no sense of the wider role."

What wider role? she was employed to look after the OP's children, not the children of the OP's friends.

"Plus had she no sense she might need a favour at some point?"

A favour like what?

"Is she young? They can be a bit clueless about the realities of work."

She is 17, she might be young but its good to see that she has some self worth and hopefully won't allow people in the "realities of work" to force her to do extra work for nothing.

AgaKhant · 09/02/2016 00:07

She's not a babysitter, she's a childminder, surely? She'd need to be insured to be transporting children from one place to another, even if only walking, if it was a commercial arrangement?

I think YABU too

NadiaWadia · 09/02/2016 02:33

She's a babysitter surely? A childminder is someone who looks after the child in their own home, isn't it?

I think people are going completely over the top in this thread, no wonder the poor OP hasn't been back. If there were extra children popping up every week, then yes I'd agree it would probably be unfair on the sitter and time for a renegotiation between OP and her babysitter. Are people not reading the OP properly? The sitter has worked for the OP for a whole year and this is the first time she was asked to take a friend of the DCs as well. The OP did ask her first if it was OK.

Way back when I was a babysitter myself I would never have demanded extra pay in this case. If it was happening regularly, and the other child was a real handful, then possibly.

mathanxiety · 09/02/2016 04:09

She is walking one child from school to an activity and then home where she makes sure the child doesn't kill herself or burn down the house, as far as I can make out. Standard teenage babysitting in other words.

The way to put a stop to any ideas of volunteering the babysitter for executing favours for friends that involve extra child duty, and to nip any idea of supervising playdates for no extra pay in the bud is to make sure the OP understands that extra children will mean paying extra, which the OP now understands perfectly.

wiltingfast · 09/02/2016 08:24

If she's just a sitter that's more foolish again.

She has no leverage here. No one here I bet would treat their employer like that if they wanted to keep their job.

If my daughter came and told me that story she'd get an earful about how to mind a job.

DrSeussRevived · 09/02/2016 08:38

Wilting, OP is free to look for another trustworthy sitter to do a brief shift once a week if she wants.

Bet she doesn't though.

DrSeussRevived · 09/02/2016 08:41

And what do you mean "she has no leverage"? She's 17, this job earns her a few quid. I expect she can babysit for others readily enough and she doesn't need the money for bed and board if it takes her a few weeks to find another family.

At what level of taking the piss would you not have given your daughter an earful? 3 children? 5? An unexpected baby in nappies? A potty training toddler sprung on her?

You have a funny idea of leverage.

Cressandra · 09/02/2016 08:42

I agree double is too much, but did you never misjudge anything when you were 17 wiltingfast? I'd like to think if I were employing a teenager I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, not sack them for answering my direct question in a way I didn't like. I think many replies assume a far greater experience of the norms of work than most 17 year olds have. All the more reason for OP to have raised the subject explicitly beforehand.

Anyway I think OP is long gone.

millimat · 09/02/2016 11:39

Can't blame the op for Friday disappearing!