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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 04/02/2016 22:09

If she's been a childminder/babysitter for years, she may have experienced the types of situations when parents/carers really do take the piss (and this isn't what you were doing, tbh).

You were both foolish not to discuss an extra charge or not beforehand. In your situation, paying up and remembering to ask about extra charges if the agreed arrangements change in advance in future is the way to go.

VinoTintoPorFavor · 04/02/2016 22:09

Yes, an additional fee but not double. And the OP already paid an extra half hour. The sitter has pushed the envelope quite a bit on this one.

Audreyhelp · 04/02/2016 22:10

Actually just read you gave her half an hour extra anyway so yes she is cheeky.

Viviennemary · 04/02/2016 22:11

I think she should have been paid extra for having the extra child. It was wrong that you put her on the spot and asked her to take the extra childex She should have got some extra money but maybe not double. I don't agree the rate is for the job no matter how many children she is asked to pick up.

rosyvalentine · 04/02/2016 22:12

YANBU. In my opinion, two kids are less work because they entertain each other. I think she was very cheeky, particularly as it was a once-off situation.

Original poster
ralphi · 04/02/2016 22:14

she did get extra money as I ended up paying her double including double the half an hour which I did not use and I asked her by text hours in advance if that was ok, so not sure how that is "putting her on the spot" .

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 04/02/2016 22:17

Two children may not be twice the work but there is twice the responsibility. The sitter should have said it would cost more beforehand, however.

purplebaglady · 04/02/2016 22:17

Doesn't it depend on whether it was her job (registered childminder?), as they charge by the hour per child. If she was an unregistered babysitter then it is usually by the hour no matter how many children she looks after.

It has always been this way to my knowledge. Am i missing something?

gamerchick · 04/02/2016 22:18

Maybe she wants to discourage you from asking for regular extras. Nipping in the bud type of thing.

Original poster
ralphi · 04/02/2016 22:22

yes perhaps the problem is the other girl, not her personally but the looking after two business ...but surely she could just say that?

OP posts:
Original poster
ralphi · 04/02/2016 22:24

thanks for your feedback everyone, has given me plenty to think about, as the night thanks to dd s asthma is probably going to be a short one I am off to bed!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2016 22:24

its hardly hard work

assume your bs picked up dd and her friend from school, took to activity, prob sat for 30/60mins reading her book/playing on phone etc,while dd and friend did activity (what was it) walked them home 5mins max, then they prob played for 30mins at home while bs made tea?

bedraggledmumoftwo · 04/02/2016 22:24

She may have previously been annoyed not to get extra when your DS was there and took this opportunity to establish the precedent.

Bluebird79 · 04/02/2016 22:26

I don't think you should offer to look after someones child and then expect your babysitter to do it without prior consultation. I would be angry if you did that to me. Your sitter probably asked for the money to stop you making a habit out of it!

Original poster
ralphi · 04/02/2016 22:29

maybe, but she had every opportunity to say that about ds being there and no other sitter has ever charged double.

I made tea and left it for both girls before taking ds to activity.

OP posts:
Valentine2 · 04/02/2016 22:29

I think YABU. Double the money is ok if you have give her twice the load. Next time discuss before any arrangement may be?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/02/2016 22:34

FFS looking after two 6 year olds rather than one IS NOT TWICE THE WORKLOAD. If anything, it's easier because they amuse themselves.

She was being hugely cheeky and I bet she asked in front of the girls on purpose so you would feel awkward questioning it.

Gah MN is so weird sometimes.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/02/2016 22:34

It's making me laugh that looking after them is "hardly hard work"... let's try that on a SAHM thread WinkHmm

Definitely should have offered to pay extra; maybe that's why she's pissed off?! I still haven't forgiven a woman I used to babysit for springing an extra two kids on me and that was 11 years ago!

Sadmum19 · 04/02/2016 22:35

I used to babysit a 3 year old at least twice a week when I was a teenager. Great kid - no problem. Bedtime story and she was away in the land of nod! What I didn't realise until I started was that the mother was a foster mum and had a teen my age at the time "with issues". I don't know what exactly was going with her but I had to make sure she was home on time and behaving when she got there. We got on quite well but I did find it all quite difficult in my naivety! She used to drink, smoke and play loud music and I had no clue how to deal with it! All for £3 per hour.

A bit off topic but I'm enjoying reminiscing!

OutWithTheDogs · 04/02/2016 22:39

Yanbu. You asked beforehand, it was a once off and she was already getting a bit extra. I don't understand why people think the babysitter was doing twice the work when she wasn't Confused

My DDs babysit a lot and wouldn't dream of asking for more money in these circumstances.

How old is the babysitter?

VinoTintoPorFavor · 04/02/2016 22:39

People who think 2 x 6yo is twice the work of 1 x 6yo: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG Wink

Cressandra · 04/02/2016 22:40

Double is too much but you should have offered something extra in advance or at least been explicit you wanted her to do it for free IMO.

You only agreed to have the girl as a favour, fair enough, but if you assumed the babysitter will do it for free, then isn't more that you volunteered her to do the favour?

I think the extra half hour is a separate issue. You presumably pay for that half hour to reserve it. You could have an explicit conversation to negotiate free care of the friend on the basis of the extra half hour, but you can't just assume you can "cash it in" as you see fit.

Verbena37 · 04/02/2016 22:42

When I used to babysit as a teenager, sometimes, a few parents I sat for would ask me to babysit for their two kids and when I turned there were two other couples, all leaving their kids with me as well....but not actually paying me!

It was relly annoying but I just never sat for them again.

I think YABU however, if you had told your babysitter the situation and had said it was a one off and is it ok. Then I'm pretty sure she would have been ok with it.

NannyR · 04/02/2016 22:43

I'm a nanny and have no problem having friends round for tea/playdates because as said above its actually easier; the kids run off and play and occupy each other, I'm only required to feed them and secondly, playdates are usually reciprocated meaning at some point I will have an easier evening with one less child.

However, especially in the school holidays, we occasionally have extra kids round to play, as their parent is at work and stuck for childcare. In that situation, the other child's parent will give me something like chocolates or £20, it's nice but not expected. I wouldn't charge my employer for looking after extra children.

oneowlgirl · 04/02/2016 22:46

It might not be double the work but it is definitely double the responsibility & therefore additional payment seems reasonable to me.