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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 16:20

Blonde, as I noted above, I paid my babysitter £7.50 for one child or £10 for two.

Put it this way - if you had a choice of two babysitting jobs on the same day, both paying the same... but for one, if anything happens to one of the children, you don't know their parent, you've never met the child before and you have no idea if they will listen to you or run off on the way home or fight with your regular charge or whatever, you possibly don't even have contact details for that parent in case of emergency - wouldn't you pick the job with the single child you already know?

And if you would, you are acknowledging that there's additional work and responsibility in the former scenario, for which some extra pay is reasonable.

DimpleHands · 05/02/2016 16:24

YANBU. As a one-off, she shouldn't have asked for anything more (especially as you came back early!).

If it were to happen regularly, she might ask for a couple of pounds an hour more but certainly not double. A nanny looking after two children doesn't get double the amount a nanny looking after one gets!

millimat · 05/02/2016 16:33

I agree work a previous post. It's a child from a different family - probably unknown by the babysitter- huge amount more pressure. She deserved extra money

budgiegirl · 05/02/2016 16:49

A nanny looking after two children doesn't get double the amount a nanny looking after one gets!

Maybe not double, but I would expect a nanny gets more pay for looking after two children than one.

And besides, she's not a nanny, or even a babysitter in the traditional sense really.

I don't think she was unreasonable to ask for extra pay. You could have said no, or just negotiated a little extra. If you'd offered extra to start with, she may not have asked for double.

JeanGenie23 · 05/02/2016 16:57

She probably just assumed the other girls mom was paying the same rate as you!

carabos · 05/02/2016 17:08

I think that even if you went along with double the fee for double the kids, she shouldn't have got double money for the portion of the booked time when she had neither child. So if she was booked at £10 per hour for one child, and only worked 30 min, then she should have got the basic £10 for the hour, then only £5 for the extra child as she didn't actually work for the other 30 min iyswim. So £15 for the hour not the £20 she thinks she ought to get.

I wouldn't bother having a conversation/ negotiation with her about it, I'd just get someone else. She should have told you she wanted more money when you asked her to have the extra child - that's the deal-breaker for me. It's not the money, it's the cheek.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/02/2016 17:42

Any nanny I have ever used does not charge per child it's why they are often a more affordable option if you have 3 or more kids,

Because a childminder does charge per hour and per child.

A 17 year old is unlikely to be either a nanny or a childminder she is also unlikely to be registered checked or insured that's why people use them because they are cheap but they are also children.This means that you run the risk of one of them not behaving as business like as you would like and misunderstanding about fees occurring.

If you don't wish to take that risk employ a adult professional

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 17:44

"She should have told you she wanted more money when you asked her to have the extra child -"

Yes, she should've done. But she's 17, I expect she dashed off a quick text and then thought more carefully. I'm not sure OP thought that carefully either, with not offering more money or (presumably) offering to put the child's dad and the babysitter in touch for a quick chat or whatever, so not sure why the babysitter is the one supposed to suck it up.

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 17:46

"A 17 year old is unlikely to be either a nanny or a childminder she is also unlikely to be registered checked or insured that's why people use them because they are cheap but they are also children.This means that you run the risk of one of them not behaving as business like as you would like and misunderstanding about fees occurring.

If you don't wish to take that risk employ a adult professional"

Yy to this! When i asked NDN 17 year old to babysit and what her rates were, she said "errr, whatever you want to pay me" - 17 year olds aren't exactly master negotiators and probably have no idea what's normal!

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 17:47

And we have no idea what OP usually pays her for this job of course - if it's normally £30 an evening and she asked for £60 or £10 an evening and she asked for £20..

bbcessex · 05/02/2016 18:10

She is wrong. .. having play dates etc is par for the course. Nanny and babysitter do no charge per child.

If it was me , OP, it would leave a bad taste and I would only continue using her if I had limited options.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/02/2016 18:11

And fwiw you can get an adult professional with a dbs and a checked history and referenced for around £6.85 an hour no matter how many kids

JeanGenie23 · 05/02/2016 18:17

She may be a regular babysitter and she may have turned down other work for this, hence asking for more money.

Ultimately Op you have a choice, you either continue to use her or don't, but in future I think you need to be more explicit with your expectations. You both had a responsibility to discuss pay with the adding of the extra child.

Borninthe60s · 05/02/2016 18:18

I think you were incredibly cheeky. Why should she have double the responsibility for the same money.

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 18:35

Bbcessex, there's no babysitting "rules"!

Nannies are employees, usually working 3-5 days a week. Babysitters are casual, self employed labour. They can set their own terms and price and see if someone will pay it.

A playdate may be par for the course for a nanny, but one with another family which lasted her whole working week wouldn't be - this session IS the baby sitter's working week.

Alanna1 · 05/02/2016 18:39

You should talk to her about it. Depending on age and character of children it is a bit more work.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 19:44

you can get an adult professional with a dbs and a checked history and referenced for around £6.85 an hour no matter how many kids

That probably depends where you are.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 19:47

Any nanny I have ever used does not charge per child

A nanny is employed to look after a family.

Narp · 05/02/2016 19:52

I think that maybe she should have said no if she didn't want to do it - and that you should not assume that she should. I think she's not very assertive, they were difficult, or she saw it as a money-making excuse - it's really difficult to tell.

How would you have felt if she'd asked for more money up front? 9because I think that would have been reasonable)

Marmitelover55 · 05/02/2016 19:53

I think YABU. if I took both of my children to the childminder instead of just the one that she expected, I would expect to pay double and indeed do.

ProfGrammaticus · 05/02/2016 19:56

You have a spread of replies here and plenty of food for thought. I don't think an adult professional woman and a seventeen year old babysitter really are equals in this negotiation. I can see why she thought she would get more. But I think it was up to you to make it clear what the deal was in advance, not by text at the last minute. She may be responsible but she is still young in the ways of the world and that puts the onus on you.

ProfGrammaticus · 05/02/2016 19:57

Minimum wage for a nanny? Not round here!
.

BertPuttocks · 05/02/2016 20:02

I think it was cheeky to offer childcare to another parent as a favour and then expect someone else to do the work for free.

An extra child is more responsibility, especially when it's a child you don't know. You don't know how they're likely to behave or react and you have to figure it out as you go along.

Narp · 05/02/2016 20:02

Prof

I agree with that

wtffgs · 05/02/2016 20:07

You can't double her workload and not expect to pay more. I would hazard a guess - you aren't paying her a fortune to start with?

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