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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:
JeanGenie23 · 06/02/2016 10:55

I also think it's a bloody cheek on the OPs behalf to have a play date then expect the bs to deal with it. If she is a regular employee with a contract (I.e nanny or au pair) then having play dates is different, but surely in this scenario OP should arrange play dates in her own time?! Hmm

As someone who is now a cm but has spent many years babysitting, I would have a couple of issues with this set up Op. Putting the snide comments on here aside, you do need to seriously reevaluate this arrangement.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 06/02/2016 11:14

I think YAB a bit U if I'm honest. It looks to me like the babysitter was making a point and you put her in an awkward position by not discussing payment when you asked. You basically offered up your babysitter to do a favour for someone else.

As an older teen I used to babysit for friends of my parents. They had 5 kids but 3 were supposed to be out at various activities so I was only supposed to be looking after the 2 toddlers. I lost count of the number of times I was looking after more than the agreed 2 children. I'd say about a third of the time I was actually looking after 4 or more. One time I arrived and all 5 kids were there plus two more who the parents were having as a favour. Not once did they offer up extra cash...as far as they were concerned they were paying me per evening and could leave me with as many children as they liked. Because they were family friends it was difficult to bring it up...but thankfully on the occasion they still paid me just £25 to look after 7 kids, even my mum was annoyed and stopped asking me.

Tanith · 06/02/2016 11:18

This girl - and she is a girl if she's 17 - is not a professional nanny. She's not a registered childminder. She's not even an au pair.
So she's almost certainly not being paid the rates of pay expected in those jobs. It's a bit of a waste of time to be arguing what a professional would or wouldn't do. This girl isn't a professional - she's a teenaged babysitter. We don't know how much she's paid but, as the Op hasn't said, I suspect she hardly had to take out a loan to pay the extra. Exactly how many pennies are we quibbling over, I wonder? Hmm

Professional agency babysitters would probably be compensated for extra children. I know the agencies I've worked with have requested a higher rate on my behalf for extra children sleeping over.

So no, taking all this into account, I don't think the babysitter is cheeky at all.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/02/2016 11:23

For what the bs had to do. Take to activity which they do weekly. Walk home. Give tea /amuse for 30/60 mins yes I don't think it's big deal

It's not like taking out all day to a place they've never been

It was a one off in over a year of bs doing the same weekly bs

But yes both should have discussed it more. Which op said she will do next time they meet and will prob never agree to have friends child again

Maybe it's diff as I'm 42 and know I can cope with 2 6yrs of else I've been in the wrong profession for 25yrs

Bs is 17 / as we all were once :) but then she should of said no - or yes but will be double rate

We all live and learn :)

DrSeussRevived · 06/02/2016 11:25

Blondes, she probably texted back in her lunch break at school then had a bit more time to think.

I imagine the thinking went "if family x had asked me directly to collect their child from something, i would charge them £5 per hour same as OP, so I'll do that. " she may even have thought OP was getting money off the other family to pay her!

I do think the cheekier one here is OP, and a two minute chat ahead if time or an offer of an extra few quid upfront would've avoided it.

DrSeussRevived · 06/02/2016 11:27

And at 17, she might've thought saying no would jeopardise her ongoing arrangement. Who knows!

Dragonsdaughter · 06/02/2016 11:31

Your 42 and a professional ! Of course its different Hmm

Higge · 06/02/2016 11:35

I dreaded playdates when my dcs were 5 it definitely wasn't less work! I happily waved them goodbye.

SuperFlyHigh · 06/02/2016 11:43

You chucked another child into the equation at short notice and it's not a between mums arrangement. Also the sitters website says to charge for two (or a guideline to that affect). Therefore I'd pay her double.

I think and quite rightly so that she wants to ensure its not a regular occurrence and if so is laying out her charges.

She's not charging for your DD and her DB either.

I also agree re Math if she is minding a child with asthma she has no idea what will happen re winding up, arguments etc so it's more work for her.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/02/2016 11:46

Blondeshavemorefun

"It was a one off"

And it will remain a one off because the 17 year old has put and end to the expectation of getting something for free.

Frankly good on her, if she had let this go the next time it was a "one off" and she asked for extra the OP would be saying that she didn't ask last time.

DrSeussRevived · 06/02/2016 12:24

YY BBJ

BertPuttocks · 06/02/2016 13:45

"For what the bs had to do. Take to activity which they do weekly. Walk home. Give tea /amuse for 30/60 mins yes I don't think it's big deal"

I spent a few months taking an extra child to/from school along with my own children. The child was 9yrs old, so older than the one in the OP. She had absolutely no road sense whatsoever, and seemed to think that the cars in the road were meant to screech to a halt for her whenever she wanted to cross. That was on top of other annoying behaviour aimed at my own dd.

I have 4 children of my own so I'm used to dealing with several children at a time. This extra child changed the dynamic completely.

If something had gone wrong, you can bet that most people would be saying that the babysitter was responsible for both of those girls and should have acted accordingly. She should be paid for that.

Narp · 06/02/2016 14:52

I would be lovely to see what the OP has to say about our comments....

BackforGood · 06/02/2016 16:18

I'm just glad that my dd is happy to help people out once in a while without expecting to earn money for it, as she realises that is the way the world goes round - well, our world in our RL, not so sure about everyone when reading MN threads sometimes.

JeanGenie23 · 06/02/2016 19:46

You are trying to pick a fight now backforgood.

DrSeussRevived · 06/02/2016 19:52

It's interesting that I'm on another thread now where an 18 year old wants to move in to an already crowded flat but doesn't want to work, and there's a lot of general feeling that he should contribute by getting a job etc.

Yet when a 17 year old makes an attempt to be treated "commercially" for the work she's doing, she's criticised for not wanting to help people out.

This 17 year old doesn't know the dad or the child from a hole in the road - it was OP volunteering her "favour". If OP had been late when there's existing goodwill, or something, then the "helping out" approach might be relevant

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/02/2016 19:57

Backforgood

My friends DS is a qualified mechanic, in your world should he be helping me out by servicing and repairing my car for free?

Should I be bunging the postman a few unfranked letters to put through doors as they are on his way?

The 17 year old is not the OP's friend or acquaintance why should she be giving her service for free?

mathanxiety · 06/02/2016 21:43

BackforGood, in my world, my DDs are being brought up to understand that their work deserves compensation because it is work.

Just because they are girls and at the moment their work tends to involve childcare doesn't mean they shouldn't be compensated in the same way that DS got compensated as a teen for painting and gardening work that he got offered. They offer a service just as they would if they were bagging groceries in the supermarket or offering useful legal or medical services to people who needed them.

I am hoping my DDs will appreciate as their working lives progress that their work should be adequately compensated, and also that they will be able to speak up for themselves when setting rates or querying numbers of children or other unusual circumstances.

There is more than a little sexism to the idea that teenage girls should be glad to 'help'. That thought has repercussions. Otoh, it is tremendously good practice for my DCs to be able to price their work and tell clients their rates. Negotiation of pay and conditions in a business setting is a skill that more girls should learn and how better to learn it than by practice as teens.

ProfGrammaticus · 06/02/2016 21:48

Yes, quite. And we need not to teach our girls to keep quiet and be nice, they get too many lessons along those lines already.

mathanxiety · 06/02/2016 22:07

Wrt 'grabby' babysitters:

The going rate in an area is what you pay or you find you get either the bottom of the barrel or the task of searching for a new babysitter every few weeks as the local babysitters learn they are being taken for a ride. That is how all business compensation arrangements work. Why is babysitting considered different? Should teenage girls be falling over themselves for the honour of taking care of your precious offspring? If you wanted a lawn mowed, would you expect teenage boys to do it for free or for buttons or would you neglect to mention that the lawn was full of dog poo that would have to be cleared before the mower could be used?

Additionally, if your children have the reputation of being 'difficult' or you regularly change the terms of the arrangement without adequate advance warning you will find babysitters declining work until you cop on and start offering more or being upfront about the work involved well in advance.

There are some families where I live that nobody will go near with a bargepole because the DCs are nightmares to deal with and the parents don't understand why so many teenage girls 'have a test tomorrow'. DD3 looked after one particular family twice (the second time out of the goodness of her heart and very much against her better judgement) but never again.

Higge · 06/02/2016 23:59

Negotiation of pay and conditions in a business setting is a skill that more girls should learn and how better to learn it than by practice as teens. yes yes yes! Women haved learned to accept less - we need to teach them to expect and demand more!

PosieReturningParker · 08/02/2016 15:27

YABU to ask a casual babysitter to do that for free. When I had a babysitter for an evening out and she ended up looking after more children I paid her double, I also asked her to really consider whether she was able and willing to look after the rest.

TealLove · 08/02/2016 15:31

YABU

hahahehe · 08/02/2016 15:38

Hmmm wish I could ask for double the money when I get double my usual workload at busy times but fear I would get sacked as its just expected in a usual office place!

iMogster · 08/02/2016 15:48

2 children is double the responsibility not double the work. I think she should have charged an extra 50% not double.

She was asked at short notice and to look after a child she didn't know.

Good for her to value her own worth, the OP doesn't value her enough.

Pity the money wasn't discussed in advance.