To be slightly hurt by this baby gift?

[Givinguph0pe]

My friend had a little boy last year - her first - and I made him a picture with his birthdate and weight etc on and had it framed (it was nice, I'm quite artistic, in fact she didn't realise I'd made it at first) it took quite a long time and as well as that I bought him a little outfit and a special book that had his name in the title.

I've just had my dd after several rounds of fertility treatment and friend came to see us and has obviously given us a gift for her ds that she'd had but didn't want. I know this because firstly it's blue and secondly it had been opened! It's a gift set thing with a towel and a snuggle blanket. Now obviously dd doesn't care if it's blue or not but I'm slightly hurt by the lack of thought and also slightly cross that she must think I'm stupid if I don't realise!
I shouldn't be surprised. She has form for this. She isn't badly off by the way, but it isn't the money. It's the lack of thought. My other friend had printed out a framed picture of dd for me. Inexpensive but thoughtful and lovely.

Aibu to be slightly hurt by the lack of thought?

"She has form for this."

"I suppose it annoys me because when it's her turn for these things everyone is expected to make a big fuss."

"It's the double standards that annoy me!"

YANBU to feel hurt by her behaviour. But what are you going to do about it? Might I suggest you would feel less hurt if you decided to reject her double standards in future?

Stop putting thought into things for her. I'd probably regift the regifted Thomas at the first opportunity. Have it rewrapped and ready to go! Her birthdays etc., don't make the fuss she expects. Just don't. If she has a moan about it (and she will!), just tell her that New Years Resolution; you've realised that most people treat others as they wish to be treated, and so you are now going to match your behaviour to what they want and not selfishly suit yourself . You realise that your presents must have seemed excessive to her, and you don't want to embarrass her any further. Let's see her get out of that one!

I don't think anyone is opposed to the idea of regifting, but there should be some thought put into the appropriateness of the regift.

Her DS is one and not newborn means she has no excuse?? My son has just turned one and I have less time on my hands now than I did when he was a newborn! I can't do anything 'crafty' while he is awake - which is most of the day. I can't even take a sh*t without him coming to watch!

Personally, I hate it when I put loads of thought into a gift, and then other people don't put , well, any thought into it, so no, your not being unreasonable on that side.

Flip that , and I've become useless since I apparently gained all this free time upon having a baby - I forget birthdays, send cards late, and forget when I put stuff .... Welcome to motherhood.

No one has said the friend has to make something, just get an appropriate gift. It's really not that hard and barring serious illness the friend should make the effort to do something appropriate. Having a child of her own is no excuse to take a cba attitude. Particularly when she has such high expectations of her own friends.

It is wrong to go through life being all take and no give.

This friend sounds pretty crap, I agree. I just think it's better to go through life being touched by a thoughtful gift rather than expecting one. I'd much rather the friend who was excited to come and meet me and my new baby but who thought "shit, I need to take a gift- do I have anything suitable?" as they were leaving the house, than the friend who sends beautifully chosen and wrapped gifts for every occasion but who I haven't seen for months because they can never find the time to pop round for a coffee (I have one of these). I just think it's quite a narrow basis on which to judge a friendship.

And fwiw I'd prefer a useful gift than one I have to have out on display too, but obviously would accept both graciously.

Wow, is this still going on?
Move on?

I think some people are overly sensitive in friendships. They are always keeping a tally of either money spent, or concern shown or attention given or phone calls received or ........
The fact that you give mode of any one of these or indeed all doesn't mean this friend doesn't care about you or that they should be axed. See the positives and don't go looking g for the negatives. This friend visited you and they brought a gift. The fact it was regifted is pretty irrelevant in my eyes.
Perhaps you are someone who spends lots of time handcrafting gifts and giving loads of thought to how to be a thoughtful friend and she just gets on with it.
At the end of the day, do you enjoy her company and have fun together? Those are the really important things. If you really feel she doesn't care about you at all, then perhaps it is time to end the friendship but I wouldn't take the things you mention to indicate that. Stop measuring what you do and what she does and comparing.

Perhaps she finds you rather intense, with your handmade gifts that take hours, huge thoughtfulness etc......there are lots of different ways to be friends and they don't all have to involve lots of money or even effort.

YANBU Passing on an opened - and obviously rejected - gift as a gift, is unacceptable. If she had bothered to explain and say she did not need it and thought you might like it, that would be better.

Yawn....

The door is -----> that way Robot.