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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be flabbergasted by this?

300 replies

Cloudhopping · 03/02/2016 12:59

My dd is in year 5 of a village school, which we are really happy with. As it's small, I know most of the parents at the school. My dd is learning about Islam as part of RE and is today visiting a Mosque as part of this. Some of the parents have not consented to their children going as they don't want their children visiting a mosque. I'm not sure of the exact reasons and realise I am making some assumptions here, but am I being unreasonable to be shocked by this attitude?

OP posts:
Purplepicnic · 03/02/2016 13:02

Yep, that's a shit attitude. I wonder if they'd be the same about a synagogue or Roman Catholic Church or anything else.

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/02/2016 13:03

You admit you don't know their reasons, and that you are making assumptions so yes YABU

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2016 13:03

YABU to be shocked if you don't know the reasons, as that doesn't make sense really.

There are always a few parents who don't want their kids visiting places of worship on school trips.

Personally I think these trips are very interesting and informative and thankfully my kids felt the same.

LoTeQuiero · 03/02/2016 13:04

Sadly, tolerance to other cultures is becoming less and less due to things like ISIS and people's perception of immigration. I think a lot of people are effectively "closing ranks". It's sad, but I see it a lot where I live.

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 03/02/2016 13:05

Yes, of course you're being unreasonable to be shocked and flabbergasted that another parent doesn't want their child to visit a mosque. If this is sort of thing can evoke such a reaction in you then you really need to work on your sensitivities. I can't see how it matters. It's really down to what the parent wants for their child. And you're reading into something that may not be there at all.

Purplepicnic · 03/02/2016 13:09

What would be a good reason not to go then? For those saying we don't know their reasons?

BlueJug · 03/02/2016 13:12

YABU.
Maybe ask them why they have said no to the trip - and maybe discuss other parents' attitudes to religious education in the school, (and sex ed v religious views) and you might come to an informed view of the issues and beliefs involved. It is easy to say - "that parent has said this - it therefore means that - they are therefore racist", ( because that's where this is going) - "I am therefore virtuous for being shocked" --> and telling people I am shocked because otherwise what is the point.. Job done

In reality you have no idea who has said what and why - it's between the parent of that child and the school.

sparechange · 03/02/2016 13:12

I'm surprised you are shocked.
Probably the same people who are worried their children will 'catch islam' by eating halal meat

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2016 13:13

The OP would have to ask them Purple, there's no point in us speculating.

It just doesn't make sense to be flabbergasted and shocked at their 'attitude', when she knows nothing about the reasons why.

Mistigri · 03/02/2016 13:14

If the OP knows the parents, and the refusal seems out of character, she's allowed to be surprised, surely?

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2016 13:15

But I should add, it's not always just mosques that some parents don't want their children visiting (although it tends to be the subject of a few threads).

There were a few Muslims at my local primary who wouldn't allow their kids on the trip to the local church either.

I don't know the reasons given though.

BlueJug · 03/02/2016 13:15

PS I said no t my DS going on and end of term trip to Alton Towers - we had good reasons.

Current thread asking whether Schindler's List appropriate for a 12 year old - some parents saying they wouldn't give permission. It happens often.

Much more fun to do it your way though.

Racmactac · 03/02/2016 13:16

maybe they disagree with the ethos of the preachings of islam?

maybe they don't want there little girls being made to walk through a side entrance whilst the boys go through the main door?

maybe they are racist and unreasonable

maybe the same parents don't want them visiting a church or a synagogue

it is there right to make a decision for their children - just as you make a decision for your children

Dreamonastar · 03/02/2016 13:17

This happened here as well. I don't think it's that uncommon.

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/02/2016 13:22

Purplepicnic - The parents may not agree with visits to any religious organisations. Or they may not be willing to have their female child cover her hair. Or they may not want their male child to go to a place where girls are treated differently. Or they may simply be racist.

The point is that the OP is assuming they have certain reasons for not allowing their child to go - and that means I think the OP is unreasonable.

lunar1 · 03/02/2016 13:23

I wouldn't allow my children to go somewhere that separated boys and girls, or asked one gender to cover up. I live in Manchester, the mosque I walk past every day has a huge sign round the side saying sister entrance. It looks like a fire escape door. While the main entrance has lovely big ornate doors.

No way on earth will my ds's be taught that this is acceptable under any circumstances. It's not ok, it it allowed because if anyone voices an opinion they are branded racist, as I will be for making these comments.

AppleSetsSail · 03/02/2016 13:28

No way on earth will my ds's be taught that this is acceptable under any circumstances.

Visiting a house of worship is not an endorsement of its ever tenet. Why anyone would want to deprive their children of diverse cultural experiences is beyond me.

LagunaBubbles · 03/02/2016 13:29

Why are you shocked? I wouldn't allow my DS if they needed my permission, Im raising them to believe men and women are equal and not that women are second class citizens.

Sunnybitch · 03/02/2016 13:30

I agree with you lunar1 I wouldn't have my children going on a trip there and being made think it's OK to treat one sex as superior to the other...

LagunaBubbles · 03/02/2016 13:32

Visiting a house of worship is not an endorsement of its ever tenet. Why anyone would want to deprive their children of diverse cultural experiences is beyond me

I dont want my children to think its acceptable to treat men and women different, no matter how much you think its a "culturally diverse" experience, plenty of other opportunities for that for them. I could equally a say its beyond me why some parents would want to expose their DC to this?

lunar1 · 03/02/2016 13:33

Children trust their teachers, they trust adults in authority. A group of adults saying boys in the front door girls cover up and get round the back is absolutely an endorsement of this as being ok.

To say otherwise is ridiculous.

AppleSetsSail · 03/02/2016 13:33

Orthodox Jewish synagogues have similarly 'sexist' practices, I assume you wouldn't allow your children to visit them either?

Sosodizzy · 03/02/2016 13:34

How is a visit to a mosque all of a sudden equated to teaching children that one sex is superior to another?

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 03/02/2016 13:35

I could equally a say its beyond me why some parents would want to expose their DC to this?

Absolutely LagunaBubbles

lunar1 · 03/02/2016 13:35

Nope, no sexist establishments of any denomination for my boys!