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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask DH to quit his job?

182 replies

PufflesMC · 31/01/2016 14:41

I've got a couple of threads going, right now, but they're on different topics. Just before people point that out!

Twins were born 2 weeks ago and DS1 (9) has got AML and is constantly in and out of hospital - I seriously dislike him being there alone at times, but it's impossible to be there full time with him when I have newborn twins - my family live in Australia it's very small... DH grew up in care, so doesn't have anyone to help support us... We are looking into charities, so that will help. However, I'm finding it impossible to sort DS1 out and the twins and everything else - DH works many hours a day and I need him home - we have savings, but yes, they're savings for the future, but would IBU to use them now? I just can't do it alone, but I don't want to come across... I don't know! But they are mostly his savings and it seems really rude to decide when he decides to use them, when he hasn't mentioned it. Thank you.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 01/02/2016 21:49

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Iceyard · 01/02/2016 21:50

No, I agree with that - I can only go by what he patients and my friends have told me. I'm pretty sure (I hope) you didn't leave your child, when you didn't need to?

DrSeussRevived · 01/02/2016 21:53

Wow, Iceyard.

The point of MN is to be supportive to parents in need, not be a vehicle for your opinions.

Iceyard · 01/02/2016 21:54

Oh, I thought I was trying to support this poor lady - my mistake for saying how well she has done.

MrsDeVere · 01/02/2016 21:58

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DrSeussRevived · 01/02/2016 22:00

Flowers MrsDV

DrSeussRevived · 01/02/2016 22:02

Yeah, that's right, the objections were about your praise for OP. Nothing to do with you saying her DH was absolutely disgusting, that was the supportive part, obviously.Hmm

Iceyard · 01/02/2016 22:02

Yes, I totally agree at the initial stage and I totally agree if he didn't have savings, he would need to work, but as he has, he is picking work over his I'll child. I don't see why he would take time off to support his wife who is trying to deal with this. I spend lots of time with families who are dealing with difficult circumstances and have done for 20 years and have nothing over than positive thanks for my contributions to all these families. So you need no worry yourself regarding me, but thank you for your concern and you make sure you sleep at night.

Iceyard · 01/02/2016 22:04

Personally, if my husband didn't support me and my children I would find it disgusting, when he's picking work over them. Obviously you beg to differ, but no worries that what the sites all about! But I feel a husband and wife should emotionally be there for one another in all situations of life! Not just out to work.

MrsDeVere · 01/02/2016 22:07

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Iceyard · 01/02/2016 22:08

No, you're right. Again, I could only go by the feedback that I've had, maybe they are all liars and I'm crap. Obviously I feel for your daughter and I'm not judging you as I don't know ur circumstances, but I made a comment on this post and you decided to comment on mine.

MrsDeVere · 01/02/2016 22:10

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Iceyard · 01/02/2016 22:12

Obviously, my degrees are experienced and feedback are rubbish. You must be right and everyone else wrong silly me. Maybe or maybe you're just taking it far too personal.

DrSeussRevived · 01/02/2016 22:16

There is no such thing as taking it far too personally when it comes to one's incredibly sick child, Ice.

Others have suggested the DH should change what he is doing - no one but you has called him absolutely disgusting. I suspect OP will take that personally, given her horrible situation right now, don't you?

Original poster
PufflesMC · 01/02/2016 22:18

Woah, hello everyone.

Iceyard - thank you for giving your feedback, I would love for DH to be with DS, so I see where you are coming from, but would have preferred you to use a different word than 'disgusting' - my DH is so far from that.

MrsDe - thanks a lot - I agree, no one knows what it is like, until they deal with it themselves. Would just like to say, DS is still having intense chemo, they are suggesting a stem cell transplant, so I think everything is actually going to be getting worse :( thanks again and so sorry to hear about your daughter.

OP posts:
DrSeussRevived · 01/02/2016 22:29

Flowers OP, so sorry things may get worse

DixieNormas · 01/02/2016 22:35

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Blondeshavemorefun · 01/02/2016 23:17

Flowers for mrsdv and puffles

i dont think it would be good for dh to totally quit work but can he reduce hours?

you have huge savings for a rainy day, its pissing down and going to for a while :(

use savings

im a qualifed nanny and maternity nurse/night nanny - my advice would be to get a nanny/mn in to help support you and care for babies when you need to be hospital and also for you to rest when at home - you will be no good to any of your family if you burn yourself out

i PROMISE that in my 25yrs of working as a nanny that even tho in some jobs i spend 12 or 24hrs with newborns that they always bond with their parents and know who their parents are

babies that age need love, food, warmth, cuddles, etc which they will get, they wont care who from as long as their needs are met

your eldest needs you more then they do iyswim

what area are you in? if you do want some childcare help then maybe can recommend some agencies/nannies area depending

MrsDeVere · 02/02/2016 08:03

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mummytime · 02/02/2016 08:10

Your DH needs to step up - not quit his job but ask for more parental and compassionate leave.

Most hard headed commercial organisations would work very hard to provide this in situations such as yours. I don't think your DH has asked (and if they are massively under pressure - no one has pushed it onto him).

BeaufortBelle · 02/02/2016 10:30

Lovely, there are only two people you need to listen to on this thread: MrsDV and Blondes. To add my two pennorth to what Blondes said, your twins won't remember having a nanny - they really won't. You know already that being a mummy is about more than those first couple of months. Your big boy needs you and likely will remember when you wave him off to uni. Flowers

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2016 15:00

Why thank you beau

I try and speak sense sometimes :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/02/2016 08:52

How are you doing puffles

Did you talk to dh?

Original poster
PufflesMC · 05/02/2016 17:59

Hello, yes I did :) he is in fact leaving his job and I appreciate everyone said that was a bad idea, but my mum is sending over £1000 each month to cover some of that and we have the savings, so I think it's for the best :)

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 05/02/2016 20:02

I think you are blessed to have a caring mum. I also think your DH must be really awesome to have come out of his own childhood so well. Between you, you must be an awesome couple.

I really hope the next few months bring you good news and that life gets better and easier. I'm quite sure you have jointly made the right decision for you unit right now. You two are really the only ones in the world who know what's right for you all and what's best for you all right now.

Positive vibes, live and prayers being sent.

FlowersStarCake

PS: What did you call the twins in the end?