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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help, boyfriend hasn't come home. AIBU to want to call the police?

487 replies

Grapeeatingweirdo · 31/01/2016 09:09

He has form for coming in at 6/7 am after an all nighter but this is really late for him. His phone is off. Starting to get worried. What's the next logical step here?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 28/02/2016 16:45

Stay strong. You can do it Flowers

Lookatyourwatchnow · 28/02/2016 16:45

Good, OP. You won't feel as sad as you do now for long, you know. It will pass. It's so much better than prolonging the inevitable and living such a miserable existence. You need to do yourself a favour and not run back to be his whipping boy once he apologises, which he will. Don't text him.

muffinmonster · 28/02/2016 16:45

Good for you for getting out even temporarily, OP. I'm sorry your partner has said he doesn't love you any more And it must hurt dreadfully, but really, what kind of 'love' was it that would let him treat you like that?

People have called you a doormat but it seems to me that you have seen the light. However painful it is, you know you have to get out of this toxic relationship.

There's lot of support here. Use it to keep you strong.

Thanks
Original poster
Grapeeatingweirdo · 28/02/2016 17:24

It's such an awful feeling as well. We've had a life for six years, everything revolves around that. Even walking down the road to my friend's was painful because the town is littered with the ghosts of our past happiness. Every pub, shop and road. It's so painful I can't stop crying. This is even worse than break up number one

OP posts:
MissBeaHaving · 28/02/2016 17:37

Op it will get better.
You will realise that you should've left ages ago.
You deserve a life,to be treated with respect & someone who loves you!

It's been clear that he's not in love with you by the way he he's been treating you,he seemed to treating you that way in the hope you would get fed up & end it so that he didn't have to -but you didn't you stayed and let him walk all over you.
He's told you the truth now & no matter how hard that was to hear you have to listen!

I'm so glad you've friends there for you in real life,look after yourself & stay away from him.Thanks

BonitaFangita · 28/02/2016 17:51

Well done, I know you don't feel it now. But this is the start of the rest of your life, and it will be so much better without him. Block his number, cut contact, as I'm sure he'll try to weasel back to you when he realises what he's missing.
Good luck, one day you'll look back on this and think thank God you escaped this useless man.

EponasWildDaughter · 28/02/2016 17:56

Well done OP.

It's so worth it. To get 'you' back Flowers You're buried underneath this relationship at the moment. Like an addiction. But given time, like beating any addiction, this will get easier and easier for you and you'll come out so much happier Flowers

Lweji · 28/02/2016 18:30

But as you walk past the pubs you can also imagine him being there drunk while you were at home waiting and worrying about him.
Assuming he was in the pub drunk and not shagging someone else.

Bunbaker · 28/02/2016 18:32

"But as you walk past the pubs you can also imagine him being there drunk while you were at home waiting and worrying about him.
Assuming he was in the pub drunk and not shagging someone else."

This ^^

MumInBrussels · 28/02/2016 19:02

I read this whole thread, and you sound so lovely OP; I wanted to let you know a total stranger on the internet is thinking of you tonight. I know it sucks massively at the moment, but it will get easier as time passes - this is your chance to get you back and be happy again, not spend time lying awake wondering how bad things are going to be this time...

Your ex sounds like a complete cunt and he's treated you appallingly. Please don't go back to him, even if he promises to change - you deserve so much better.

Secretlove · 28/02/2016 19:16

Be careful as when he realises you have gone he will change his mind about not loving you and he will be begging for you to go back and promising to change.

Squeegle · 28/02/2016 19:20

Well done! Good for you.
Instead of the ghosts of the good times, make sure you remember all the times when he has made you feel bad. Starting with this weekend and going back. Make a list. Don't dwell on it- but remember properly.

Then ask yourself is this what you want for the next 5 years? It may reinforce that you're doing ABSOLUTELY the right thing.?

PegsPigs · 28/02/2016 19:21

OP as a PP said think of the next 6 years and smile that they will be happier without him. Well done for leaving. You are worth more than him.

ricketytickety · 28/02/2016 19:30

This is the beginning of your time. Take this coming spring and summer to learn to love yourself. Do not enter into a realtionship without learning to be kind to yourself first. Do not relent and get back with him. This is your chance to escape.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 28/02/2016 19:39

you are the same age as me. Get away from the arse.

Fuck being stuck with that for the next 40 years!

Lweji · 28/02/2016 20:04

What's your plan for when he promises things will be different?

Original poster
Grapeeatingweirdo · 28/02/2016 20:30

He won't, he doesn't love me anymore and I just have to get through this now

OP posts:
Lweji · 28/02/2016 21:19

I wouldn't be so sure.

He might have been doing his best for you to break up with him, but it could also be him trying to control you (hence he accusing you of doing it). As you walk out he could suddenly find the urge to reel you back in. You should be prepared for that.

FantaIsFine · 28/02/2016 21:44

OP just want to wish you luck. I have RTFT and so much resonated with me. I found it very useful to look up gaslighting at one point courtesy of MN around the misrepresentation of events. As well as Al Anon I've found Codependence Anonymous very helpful as a group and some others mentioned; I am massively so and have historically a very low bar. It feels a fuck of a lot better to get out of it. X

FantaIsFine · 28/02/2016 21:49

Beg pardon, CodependENTS anonymous. Www.coda-uk.org. X

Original poster
Grapeeatingweirdo · 28/02/2016 22:04

Thank you everyone. I've been to my regular church group tonight and that, as well as your posts, has helped me feel a bit more at peace in the moment.

Tomorrow is another day but I will sleep well tonight

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 29/02/2016 06:19

Well done Grape. Stay strong Flowers

AliceScarlett · 29/02/2016 08:21

Oh well done, these horrible feelings will pass. You have done a very brave thingFlowers

Original poster
Grapeeatingweirdo · 29/02/2016 21:21

Got through today. Didn't cry. Winning :D now at an open mic night meeting a friend for a beer.

OP posts:
bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/02/2016 21:28

Well done, stay strong op