to not offer to pick up/drop off

[mommy2ash]

I unfortunately don't drive. I attempted to learn but was much too nervous and most likely won't attempt to again.

My dd's friend has been asking to come play at ours for a while. The kids have given us the other mums phone number and asked us to sort out a day, they are nine. I work full time so don't have a lot of free time but this weekend my dd is having another girl over to stay and go bowling. I text the mum saying her dd was more than welcome and gave my address and times to drop her and said the next day she can stay as long as she likes whatever suited.

The mum text back saying her dd would love to come and was excited and said I can pick her up before lunch time on Saturday and drop her back before 12 on Sunday as they are going somewhere.

Once I explained I won't be able to collect or drop off her mum cancelled and said her dd is now very upset.

Now I feel awful but I don't have a car and there isn't a direct bus so would need to take two buses there and two buses home each time. It takes between 10-15 minutes by car.

This mum and her husband both drive.

I thought my original message was clear before she accepted and this mum knows I don't drive. Aibu?

Dodged a bullet there Mommy what a strange attitude.

O.M.G!!!!

This woman (the mother of the other girl you extended the invite to) is clearly deluded.

"That way you win"??? I mean W T actual F is that about????

My gob is well and truly smacked with this one.

I actually feel sorry for this woman's daughter. She is the one losing out in the end.

Wow. She's being completely ridiculous, a bit nasty, and very rude.

Regardless of how much she's had to ferry other people around, that's nothing to do with you, or the current situation.
It's always the default for the invited child to be dropped and collected by their own parents (unless the inviter's parents have offered otherwise).
Does she think she's doing you a favour by letting you take her child for most of the weekend? 😂

Surely the other mum told her she was being a dick?

Definitely you drop and pick up if your child is going to someone's house.

I can't believe she thinks you getting a taxi is ok.

She's got a right bee in her bonnet. Yes, I agree. She's bonkers and lucky escape also springs to mind. I drive but if I'm inviting someone over, usually they drop and pick up (seeing as I'm entertaining their child) unless I offer, which some of us do if it's easier when we're on our way somewhere but you never, ever should expect it. If would actually offer if someone didn't drive, though, so she sounds particularly mean. It's hardly your fault, is it????

What the actual fuck

You have to text her "x there seems to be a misunderstanding, I offered to included y in a treat for the girls, I made it clear in my text drop off/collection would be required. This was not a favour to me or dd, there is no me "winning", I made an offer, I am happy to put your rudeness down to a misunderstanding. But to be clear I have not now or ever asked you for a lift so my driving continues to unaffect you"

She can put her daughter in a taxi on her own if she likes, with money for the fare, but I don't see why she expects you to ferry other people's children around. I'd steer well clear of this one from now on. Shame for the children though.

I wouldn't be able to let that drop. I'd have to text her back. I don't think you should do anything to facilitate her dd coming to yours. As pp have said, her transport arrangements are not your problem. You have definitely dodged a bullet here - that woman is batshit!

Her DD isn't going to have any friends left at this rate.

Poor child having a mum like that.

Unfortunately for some dc they have unreasonable parents and what ends up happening is that nobody invites them round. The one losing out is her dd as a result of her own ridiculous attitude. You soon learn which they are though sadly.

I agree, you've dodged a bullet here.

I think I'd just respond with something like

'If you were hosting a sleepover then I would make arrangements to bring my child to your house, and would not expect her to be collected or returned by you. My inability to drive is my own problem, and as such I try to ensure that it doesn't impinge on social etiquette.
I assumed that you would be of the same thinking, and am sorry to hear that you differ. As I am hosting another child also, I'm afraid I can't take time out to collect your daughter by taxi or bus as it would take too long, and cost too much on top of the bowling.
[other friend] is quite happy to bring her daughter, and yours if you would reconsider.
I hope this won't affect our children's friendship'

I expect that everyone has expected her to drop off and pick up her own dd, so yes in that sense she is always asked to do it - but that is the normal way. Where on earth would she have got the idea for otherwise?

I wouldn't respond to her at this stage, by text or any other method.

She has had her say and I'd just leave it at that. You know what she is like but I really wouldn't be extending any further invites to her daughter as you now know the lay of the land and how she will respond.

Tell your mutual friend that it's a pity X can't make the fun day out but the situation is completely out of your control and its up to X's mum or dad to get X to you, no one else. Such a pity.

Wow. I cannot get my head around her thought process at all!

I'd text back "" and leave her wondering!

What a rude cow she is!

When my DCs have been at friends houses, sometimes the mum has offered to bring them home. I always feel guilty because like everyone has said, if your child is at someone's house, you would pick them up (I do drive btw).

I feel sorry for her poor daughter. Missing out on bowling and a sleepover because her mum is a total arse!

There is no way in hell I'd take buses or taxi's to give someone else's child a treat! Maybe you should spell this out to the idiotic woman who clearly thinks she has 'won' (quite confused what she has won and what the prize is, other than upsetting her daughter, I bet her daughter will remember this in years to come!).

Ha ha OMG! But it's not even you that wants a lift...it's her OWN DAUGHTER.

Sad thing is her daughter loses because of her idiocy (in not accepting a lift from the other mum).

Some people are unreal.So she wants you to have more expense by getting taxis to pick up her daughter.Even though you are paying for bowling and having her sleepover.Id get the taxi,ask her to pay and ask her for the money for bowling as well.

I would be tempted to text back just because I'd be so irritated. Something like:

Was my original invitation not clear? Your daughter is invited HERE on Saturday. If you don't want to bring her that's fine.

or

You're weird. x

I haven't engaged since the last message I don't really have anything to add to the conversation.

My friend is very non confrontational so ignored her rant offered the lift and when the mum said then I would win she just said right and said she had to go, went back to her car and text me to tell her when I was on my break.

She agrees this whole thing is daft. It's the first time I've come across this. I have other peoples kids every weekend either friends of my dd or family members kids. They always drop to my house and if I have anything planned I make my own way with them from there.

YANBU. You have invited her DD over to yours to join in with a treat of bowling and a sleep over. You are not asking for a lift for your DD but asking her to drop off and pick up her own DD. This is normal on play dates.
She is going to find the same thing happens with her DDs other friends and her poor DD will end up not being invited anywhere.

Nah. Not having this.