to not offer to pick up/drop off

[mommy2ash]

I unfortunately don't drive. I attempted to learn but was much too nervous and most likely won't attempt to again.

My dd's friend has been asking to come play at ours for a while. The kids have given us the other mums phone number and asked us to sort out a day, they are nine. I work full time so don't have a lot of free time but this weekend my dd is having another girl over to stay and go bowling. I text the mum saying her dd was more than welcome and gave my address and times to drop her and said the next day she can stay as long as she likes whatever suited.

The mum text back saying her dd would love to come and was excited and said I can pick her up before lunch time on Saturday and drop her back before 12 on Sunday as they are going somewhere.

Once I explained I won't be able to collect or drop off her mum cancelled and said her dd is now very upset.

Now I feel awful but I don't have a car and there isn't a direct bus so would need to take two buses there and two buses home each time. It takes between 10-15 minutes by car.

This mum and her husband both drive.

I thought my original message was clear before she accepted and this mum knows I don't drive. Aibu?

[evilcherub]

Do you think the mum will blank you at the school gate? What an absolute entitled weirdo (her, not you).

[Fedup21]

Even if your friend was not confrontational, I would hope at some point she said something like, 'wasn't it kind of OP to have our children for 24 hours and pay for them to do X y z!?'

[NadiaWadia]

I know it's not her fault, but I do think your friend who provided the lifts could have stuck up for you a bit!

The other mother is beyond rude and weird. She needs to be told, for the sake of her poor DD, if nothing else. Can't you send her a link to this thread?

[BurningBridges]

can I just ask have we already ascertained that this is not a cultural thing? DD has quite a few friends from Eastern Europe and their parents often expect a taxi service from me, they even try to dictate times to me. Once we were having dinner and a parent rang her and said tell BB to drive you home now, she has 15 minutes to get you here. I said tell your mum no, we are eating, wait till we have finished - cue lots of sad face stuff from DD's friend, refused to finish meal, wouldn't speak to us, got her coat and sat by door etc.
Another time our party finished and all children were collected, same friend just stood there with her coat, waiting. We didn't realise but her parents had made no arrangements for her to return home.

I find it hard to believe its cultural though, I think its just fucking rude.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

So, had you been a driver, shed of quote happily dropped her off and picked her up. But because you don't drive she thinks you are unreasonable to ask her to drop and pick up. And says your entitled. Yet, she as a driver let your friend pick her child up and drop her off. Thats so weird.

[DrSeussRevived]

Even if cultural, surely when OP made it clear a lift wasn't possible, stroppy mum had the choice of not sending her DD or sorting out transport.

[MammaTJ]

She is on a proper power trip! Talking about 'not letting you win'. WTF?

Let it be and never invite her child for what is probably an hour each way max driving for a whole night off ever again!

BTW, I have a 10 year old who never gets invited anywhere. We can get her to you for a sleepover, wherever you are, and happily pick her up again, just for a bit of 'us time'. not happened since 2005.

[JolseBaby]

But no 'thank you' to you for hosting her DD?

She sounds utterly deranged. Yes, it is annoying as a driver to be subjected to a steady stream of expectations to pick up and drop off - 'well you're going anyway, aren't you?'. More often than not it ignores the fact that the errand is out of your way, or completely in the wrong direction, or at a time which is inconvenient to you.

However, that has nothing to do with someone offering a playdate for your DC. If she felt that strongly about not wanting to drive her DD over then she shouldn't have accepted the invite in the first place.

I'd keep my powder dry on this one. It sounds as if she is going to have a good old rant to people about it and will probably come off worse out of it. For every person that smiles and nods in agreement, there will be another 2 or 3 who think 'well you knew she didn't drive and she offered a sleepover, so what's the problem?'.

Rise above it - rant away on here - but maintain a calm and serene front in public.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Gobsmacked that you took her daughter in without the mum making contact to you making sure that the sleepover was still on. I would have told her "Sorry but we've made other plans" and left it at that.
Gobsmacked that she gave your friend wine and chocolates but gave you nothing but grief for kindly having her daughter overnight.

Gobsmacked.

[MintyChops]

Jesus. She is horrendous. Has she thanked you yet?

[rollonthesummer]

Will you see this mum at the school gates?

[DartmoorDoughnut]

If she does come out with anything I'd seriously bring out that MN Classic "are you on glue" she's batshit and I don't think you've heard the end of this!

[LovelyBath]

What about the thanks to you for entertaining her child and looking after her? Bizarre. I noticed you mentioned euros, are you from the UK? (not that that matters, just interested)

[JellyTotCat]

I can't believe someone wouldn't thank someone for having their child for a sleepover, plus a paid activity too.

[NoSquirrels]

Good lord.

Lovely of you to have her DD for a sleepover. Absolutely AWFUL of her to have 1) not consulted you about a change of plan 2) got someone else to pick up and drop off just to "win" against the non-drivers and 3) thanked them with wine and chocolates rather than you.

Steer well clear at the school gates, OP. I am not confrontational but I would have to have my say if she ever mentioned anything about it in my earshot!

[mommy2ash]

I bumped into her at the school gates this morning said good morning and she blanked me :)

Very strange conclusion to all of this.

For those who asked there are no cultural differences we are both irish. It's the first and hopefully the last time I've encountered a situation like this.

[fedup21]

Well-her stupid plan will backfire, won't it?


Presumably at some point, you'll have your friend's daughter round again for the day/dinner/sleepover and won't invite strange woman's daughter!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

I would have had to say "hi, I'm the mum that had your daughter over for a sleep over at the weekend. My friend, the other mum, who collected your daughter and dropped her home, said she loved the chocolates and wine though she wasn't sure whether they were to be shared between us or just for her so we had them last night when she stopped in for a long chat".

Leave the silly wagon wondering whether you got any of the wine/chocolates and what you could have been chatting about.

Silly woman.

[pudcat]

What a very rude woman. I still say you should have thanked her for the chocs.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Ooh I dare you - next time, ask loudly so everybody can hear 'So I believe your DD had a nice time at ours, it must be my DDs turn to come over. Please pick her up at 12 on Saturday!'

[lilproblem]

What?! YANBU! How ridiculous! It's not up to you to pick her up, drop her and feed her and entertain her and the rest! Wtf! Who is this other mother exactly?

[lilproblem]

Btw mummy2ash I know instructors who allow kids and even babies in the back of the car when teaching - it's totally possible! I know learning to drive is a massive challenge esp the older you get but if you overcome it you will really love the independence it brings you!

[mommy2ash]

Thanks for the suggestions part of me would love to say something and the other part does not want to poke the crazy

[arethereanyleftatall]

Please ask her what's going on op!! I just cannot fathom what she's thinking.