to not offer to pick up/drop off

[mommy2ash]

I unfortunately don't drive. I attempted to learn but was much too nervous and most likely won't attempt to again.

My dd's friend has been asking to come play at ours for a while. The kids have given us the other mums phone number and asked us to sort out a day, they are nine. I work full time so don't have a lot of free time but this weekend my dd is having another girl over to stay and go bowling. I text the mum saying her dd was more than welcome and gave my address and times to drop her and said the next day she can stay as long as she likes whatever suited.

The mum text back saying her dd would love to come and was excited and said I can pick her up before lunch time on Saturday and drop her back before 12 on Sunday as they are going somewhere.

Once I explained I won't be able to collect or drop off her mum cancelled and said her dd is now very upset.

Now I feel awful but I don't have a car and there isn't a direct bus so would need to take two buses there and two buses home each time. It takes between 10-15 minutes by car.

This mum and her husband both drive.

I thought my original message was clear before she accepted and this mum knows I don't drive. Aibu?

[Hihohoho1]

It's difficult isn't it. I can't drive motorways but ok local.

I second learning to drive in an automatic. No bother with gears just stop/go.

[Stripyhoglets]

I would text back to say sorry her daughter is upset, but you can't collect / drop off as you don't drive and you had assumed it would be ok for her to do it as her and her husband both drive! Then avoid. She sounds like a pita.

[expatinscotland]

'Oh, what a pity! I don't drive as you know, so cannot extend to drop offs and pick ups. Perhaps another time.x' The end.

[MrsJayy]

You clearly said drop Z off and pick her up again the mum chose to ignore that and now her dd is upset that isnt your fault

[MrsJayy]

When dds were that age we always dropped off for sleepovers I dont drive eith er wouldnt expect sleepover parent to pick up .

[ohtheholidays]

Entitled much?Her not you OP.It was really kind of you to offer for her DD to go to your house,I really don't know what planet people like that live on.

When any of our 5DC have gone to a friends house we've always dropped them off and picked them up.When DD12 goes from school to one of her bestfriends house my DH picks both the girls(DD and her friend)up and drives them to the friends house(the friend usually has to catch the bus home)the last time DD went there and had dinner I sent chocolates and flowers as a thank you for the Mum and Dad and I bought some treats for both of the girls.

[Tigerblue]

As they get older it's a case of helping eachother out as they want to see eachother a lot more. We only have one car, DH works long hours and is also doing a course so often I can't offer to pick up/drop off. Therefore, the hosting Mum often does it. We're more likely to offer a sleepover, so again parents will be dropping off but their child gets a long time here. My DD is at comp and her friends who catch school bus often have problems getting home - we have two who tend to come back about once a month but as it happens their Mums both give my DD lifts, so we help eachother out.

Try not to worry about it too much, you have a genuine reason and it's her DD who appears upset!

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

YANBU

we have a playdate this weekend, I know the mum cant drive so I am dropping/picking up- will take me 15 minutes max

if you can be arsed, text back and say that your DD is very upset too, but unfortunately you cant drive and it would be a 2bus journey each way. Re extend the invitation and ask if she can manage the drive each way

if she is still rude she is a fucking twat!

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Etiquette is that if someone is kind enough to invite your DC out you drop them off and pick them up.

I find in practice that I'll often offer to bring children home but if my own kids are at someone else's I always assume that I'm picking up.

^ This, absolutely! The other mum is being ridiculous.

[HanYOLO]

YANBU

Your invitation was very clear

We (royal we, I don't drive either though sometimes I walk them home) will sometimes drop off kids who have come on playdates off afterwards, depends what's most convenient and how many kids (one of DD's friends has 4 siblings including 2 year old twins...)or other complications people have. But the form is usually that the parents of the visitor do the running around.

I would text her back and say Oh dear, another time. I don't drive so it isn't possible for me to do the ferrying but if you can find a way she's still welcome.

[CocktailQueen]

Other mum is being odd. If your dd is invited somewhere you generally drop off and pick up. Esp if the other parent doesn't drive! You're offering to entertain her child for 24 hours and she can't be arsed to drop her off? Loon.

[Toounhappynow]

I drive.
If I am hosting another child, I expect the parents to drop off and pick up. I make willingly exceptions for busy friends or those who can't drive but if it was EXPECTED of me?
No, no, no!

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Completely clear. Her parents are being total arses for some reason and now she is trying to guilt trip you. Send one of the suggested reply.

Learn in an automatic. They are way more common now and it's only a matter of time before a traditional gear box will be gone imo. The evenings are getting brighter already, do your theory now and start lessons in April. Any decent instructor would be fine to have your DD along - 9yrs old would be no trouble. Good for her to see you take the bull by the horns too and it will give her lots of road sense to be in the back watching. If you don't drive she will have to cycle everywhere or rely on lifts from other people. Neither is a terribly bad thing but as you say, you would love to be able to do it.

The alternative is an intensive week long driving course. My 45 yr old friend has just done it and passed his test first go.

[NightWanderer]

HanYOLO's text is better. You really don't need to explain yourself, you did nothing wrong!

[Aworldofmyown]

YANBU, you would never accept an invite without knowing that you should drop off and pick up. If someone offers then great but otherwise its your responsibility.

Does she not have car use at weekends?

I would reply with "well the invite still stands but as you know I am unable to drive and collecting/dropping her off with other kids in tow wouldn't be practical"

[CheesyWeez]

I agree with Han and the other messages. Are they at school together? I would do this if so:

I would text her back and say "Oh dear! I don't drive so it isn't possible for me to do the ferrying but if you can find a way she's still welcome. Or maybe another time: straight from school on a Friday! And then you'd just have to pick her up on the Saturday when you can, what do you think?"

[CheesyWeez]

She's being odd though, is there something else preventing pickup - such as she's working / has many other children (at different activities ) / illness / car at garage or something? The dad seems to live there, from what you say.

Or maybe she doesn't really want to lend the precious child to anyone at weekends so if you want her you've got to get her?

[HanYOLO]

BTW I would also say that if you have no other reason to need to drive (I am 2 mins from the metro type thing, 5 mins walk from all shops and swimming pool and opposite a park and a beach so, no, not a priority for me) I wouldn't having to pick up other people's kids be a real pressure for you. If it is stopping you from doing other things (family camping holidays? rock climbing?) that is different. But ferrying for other people, nah.

[mommy2ash]

I text her back and said sorry x is upset I don't drive so am not able to offer pick ups or drop offs. I know the girls have been trying to get together outside of school so I'm available any weekend they would like to get together.

She text back never heard of a taxi then???????

I'm just going to have to leave it at that. Maybe there is something else going in or other people use her for a lift and it's getting to her. It's not a situation of my making so I will just get on with my weekend with my dd and her other friend

[MrsJayy]

She is a cheeky fecker jeezo

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

she has issues, as sad as it is for your DD you don't want to get involved with her OP. see this as an early warning signal! you have not been BU at all

[SuburbanRhonda]

I'd be tempted to text back, "Yes, funnily enough I have heard of taxis but I didn't think you'd want the expense of that as you and your husband both drive."

[MrsJayy]

She is probably a mumsnetter and frothed on a nondrivers expect... thread

[snototterly]

Has, by any chance, your DD played at the other girl's house and been picked up and dropped off by the other Mum?

[pudcat]

How rude of her. Why can't they drop her off before, and pick her up after, they have gone somewhere? I feel sorry for her daughter because the poor child is not going to have many invites, if any, because of the mum's selfish attitude.