...to think there is something wrong with DS?

[AutumnSky123]

DS is 7 y/o and I'm seriously concerned... I've been called into his school, many times, due to him using sexually explicit language and it's incredibly embarrassing/concerning - I have no idea how he knows about the stuff he is saying. I've heard him saying such things to our cat/his teddies too and I have no idea how to deal with it :(

I'd say the GP is unlikely to be able to cope with this and may say the wrong thing. There is a charity with a parents' helpline, open in the morning, give them a ring they will talk it through with you - Young Minds:

www.youngminds.org.uk/for_parents

0808 802 5544

You can talk openly and in confidence to their counsellors who can refer you on if necessary or arrange for you to talk to a paediatric mental health practitioner. I know they are going to say he must have heard all this from somewhere, you have to be a bit like Sherlock, rule out the impossible and what's left, however, improbable, is likely to be the cause. it may be something as simple as playground talk, but against the wider context of his Dad dying, it would be good to get clear advice.

OP, just one question. How are you coping with the loss of your DH?

That's why I'm trying to keep some of the details to myself and not putting them on here, as I really don't want it to come across like that. My apologies if I don't answer everyones questions, I'm trying to give as much information as possible. Thanks Burning, I'll take a look at that.

No, I haven't, they are working with him the best they can and he has improved a lot with the language at school, but then he is worse at home.

Autumn press the report this thread button and ask for this to be moved out of AIBU. Young Minds is a fantastic charity, I'd recommend them even above the NSPCC helpline, health visitors etc.

Sometimes, things that happen with and to children are so far outside of our terms of reference as adults, they are hard to believe and the reactions of others makes things 10 times worse. He is certainly not the first child of that age to talk like that. When my youngest was in primary, I think she was year 3 or 4, they had to get into groups and come up with something to make by using batteries and wires -a sort of engineering project. DD's partner, a boy of that age, said "let's make a sex toy". Thankfully she had no idea what he meant. And yes I did report it!

(Maybe Mumsnet HQ can suggest which section to move it to)

I'll definitely take a look, thanks :) yes, sorry, couldn't see a more suitable topic, would be nice if the HQ could advise)

Bessie I meant absolutely no criticism of the OP when I said her style was detached, Inwas just trying to explain why some posters had reservations.

Who else is at your mum's house? What does he do when he's there?

In your shoes I'd want to know where this is all coming from. It must be coming from somewhere. Whether he is accessing the internet at a friend or relative's house. Or getting reading material from somewhere or even directly being in contact with somebody using this language. He may have even overheard adult converstations. The only thing to do is work with the school and child therapists to get to the bottom of this. Even if he is improving I wouldn't rest till I found out the soursce.

My dad is there too and not too sure, play games, watch TV, I suppose, but in all fairness, she has no Parental Locks, or anything, but would he really start knowing how to access that stuff at my parents'?

I think maybe you need some help yourself in terms of feeling strong enough and confident and robust in how you deal with him. I'm only saying this because I've also been bereaved and trying to parent a difficult child while managing everything at once and I let far too much slide for a while, and I just wanted some peace - would end up in tears trying to manage etc, just felt completely broken and bullied in my own house - I think it's still very early days though after the horrible time you've both had and I can completely see where you're coming from
re the language - any friends' siblings/older children/people on the bus or similar/TV shows and of course things like youtube, fraught with exposure to things less than desirable. The young minds suggestion sounds good. Also winston's wish are very good in terms of dealing with grieving children - others too grief encounter etc meant to be good but no experience myself (only of WW who were fantastic)

Autumn my 5 year old was accessing shocking things on an iPad without me knowing, as I had let him watch a cartoon - he was also allowed to watch videos I would never have let him see by my obnoxious sister when I though he was under the supervision of his grandmother instead - I wouldn't be surprised about anything - he will be able to access everything there

well only read first page.....OP is gonna have bigger problems than this when he get to senior school!

Potato what are you on about?

Does he have access to or friends who play games such as grand theft auto. I think it's 18+ but lots of younger children seem to be aware of it?
Also, don't really understand why school can't refer to camhs

Have your parents said whether he talks like this to them ?

Not sure what games his friends play, but isn't GTA more for secondary school? No, he is really well behaved at my parents' house.

maybe he has access to other kids' mobile phones at school?
sorry you're having to go through this and hope it's fully resolved in time I think still very early days since his father died

I am so sorry you and your little boy is going through this, AutumnSky, especially when you have both been through a lot.

I can imagine the very conflicting emotions you are feeling and I think that is often exacerbated by simply not knowing where to start (and perhaps by simultaneously knowing that, wherever you start, you may be opening a huge can of worms and ... worse ... possibly not even going in the right direction).

But start you must and it might help you to take those first steps if you remember two very obvious and important things. One, that your little boy is not behaving this way because he's happy and, two, he is not trying to keep his behavior hidden, in fact he is overtly (and rather shockingly, for you) trying to bring it to your attention.

It is an absolute minefield trying to access the right sort of help, especially when you don't know what the problem is, and especially harder when, as you say, your DS is not compliant about going down the medical route.

But you can initially set things in motion without him, so start by doing what you know. Go to your GP without your son, and tell him/her everything you know. Also, within the same very short time span, go back to the school and tell them that you don't know what has caused this behavior, but you are very concerned about your son's wellbeing, and you would like an emergency meeting to take place between yourself, the school head/principal and the school district's educational psychologist.

Then take it all from there. Your GP will almost certainly refer to CAMHs, but also tell your GP that you would like his/her continuing support in addition to any referral ... help to make sense of things, to know what to do next, and especially support to push for further help when needed. The school/education psychologist may try to withdraw once your GP refers to CAMHs, but tell them pretty much what you tell your GP ... that you would like their continuing support in addition to any referral, etc.

Start this all in motion tomorrow, AutumnSky. Do not be willing to wait weeks for appointments with GP surgeries or school agencies. Whatever is at the bottom of all this, your DS needs your help now.

Keep talking to us.

GTA may be for older children but I had a tradesman at my home a few weeks ago and he plays it with his 5 year old son!!!!!!
When I queried it, he seemed to be saying he just wanted his son to be ahead of the game at school!!!!

Thanks so much for that ADish he is just such a worry, I can't eat/sleep, do my job properly, it's all so tough... His behavior is terrible :( he says he doesn't want me and wants his dad, throws things, hits me, he is only small though, so it isn't a massive deal, it's just horrible to see him like it.

Very good advice from adishbestservedcold pp above